Love Trials
by melissabann
Summary: After the war Dearka and Miriallia realise that they both have feelings for another and decide to see what it all means. However it seems not to be as many things stand in the way of them being happy.
1. Prologue: The Beginning of Peace

_****Love Trials****_

* * *

 _ **Authors Note:**_

 **I just want to start by saying this is and isn't a rewrite of another author's story. This is a rewrite/remaster of tazymay's story named 'The Trials Of Love'. What I mean by this isn't a rewrite of another author's story is that the original author was actually me as well. I use to have an account back in high school where I posted Gundam Seed fanfictions. I've since stopped using the email account attached to it. Therefore when I got back into writing I decided to create a new account with my new email.**

 **I started to re-read some of my old stuff I posted. I was kind of disappointed I had left some unfinished. Especially since I have no idea where I was even going with them now. 'The Trials Of Love' was the longest one I wrote. I've since re-read it and although there are parts I still enjoy I feel like it is very forced in some ways. I used to have the habit of always going with my first idea and never exploring the better possibilities. I've since tried to grow out of that although still am guilty of it from time to time.**

 **With that being said I wanted to rewrite this story. Many things I actually plan on changing such as conversations and personalities. I didn't really keep them true to themselves the first time around. Also Miriallia just seemed too ok with many things that she shouldn't have been. Many chapters will get changed and combined and lots of grammatically fixes. The main idea of the story will stay the same even with the many changes.**

 **I hope you all enjoy 'Love Trials'.**

* * *

 **Prologue: The Beginning of Peace**

"Where's Kira?" the captain quietly asked herself. No one knew what to do or say. The whole ship was in shock. The war between naturals and coordinators was finally coming to an end. A ceasefire had been announced. But all the crew of the ARCHANGEL could think about was the bright light that had ended the final battle. The war was over, but should they celebrate? The commander had died protecting their ship. He saved their lives in exchange for his own. Now they sat there wondering if the only other person who had gotten them threw all the battles since Heliopolis was gone too.

Minutes went by and nothing. As time passed the Captain received word on what was to happen to the crew of her ship and the others but still no sign of the missing Freedom pilot. Suddenly there was a beep that went off in Miriallia's earpiece. "Huh…..What the?" The CIC quickly looked at her screen then turned to the captain "Captain we just received a message from the STRIKE ROUGE!" She announced.

"What does it say?" Captain Murrue questioned. Worried everyone waited eagerly to hear what the news she had received.

She sighed in relief as she read it to herself before relaying the message. "She says that she and Athrun are both fine. They found Kira, he's hurt but they think he'll be okay. They are heading for the ARCHANGEL immediately for him to receive treatment" shortly after finishing relaying the message the STRIKE ROUGE came into view. " _Kira you really made it, you really did protected us all."_

Murrue grabbed the phone on the arm of her chair and informed the crew in the hanger of the STRIKE ROUGE's arrival and the need for medical to be there without hesitation.

After giving her orders she hung up the phone. Murrue stood up and turned to bow to her crew on the bridge. They all looked at her surprised. When she stood back up straight they could see tears were beginning to form in her eyes as she began to speak to them "Thank you all of you for staying this long. We made it… though some didn't" She said sadly taking hold of the necklace hanging in front of her. "We are the survivors of this war and it is up to us to rebuild what those lost fought to protect. But for now please everyone rest, you all fought hard today" Murrue began to walk towards the door of the bridge but stopped in front of the CIC chair "…. Sai, Miriallia, I want you both to remove that uniform"

"Huh? But Captain?" Sai replied unsure of why she would tell them something like that.

"You are no longer EA soldiers, so there is no point in wearing that uniform. You two should have never been apart of this war…I'm sorry"

" _Were no longer soldiers…we can go home"_ Miriallia thought.

The Captain then turned her gaze to the lone ZAFT pilot. "Thank you to you too, you helped protect us and I am in you debt" Dearka chose not to say anything but simply nodded in response. "I've been informed that a ZAFT carrier is on it way here. It will take all those wish to return to the PLANTs with it when it leaves. It will be here in an hour, in the meantime you should go get some rest"

"Thank you" was all he said as he left the bridge in search of some much need sleep. " _The PLANTs? Can I really go back?"_ He questioned to himself. He couldn't help but think of Yzak. He had called him a traitor. Could a traitor like him really be welcomed back into the PLANTs with opened arms?

Murrue looked back over her shoulder at the two young communications officers with a small grin "You two off the bridge also, only soldiers are permitted here" Stepping out of the way she watched them both leave, hoping they would never have to step foot on the bridge again.

"Wow Dearka must have really wanted some rest, I don't see him anywhere" exclaimed Sai after the doors from the bridge closed. The two began going down the hall together a little lost on what to do now that they weren't technically soldiers anymore.

"Who cares" replied Miriallia as she looked down at her feet as she walked.

"huh?" He didn't expect such a cold response from her. He had thought she and Dearka had buried the hatchet but maybe he was wrong. Deciding to change the subject he said "It's great that we're no longer part of the military isn't it. The fighting is finally over and we can go home."

"I guess" Her voice sounded sad causing Sai to worry.

"Huh? Mir? Are…are you okay?"

"What do you mean?" she asked confused looking over at him.

"You've been kind of out it since we left the bridge"

"I'm just worried about Kira" she lied.

"Are you sure your mind isn't somewheres else?" Sai asked raising an eyebrow. Truth was her mind was somewhere else… thinking of _someone_ else. When the shuttle came would _he_ leave she wondered? Should she even care?

Mir quickly whipped around and began floating backwards. "I'm fine. You need to stop worrying about me so much" Sai's face suddenly went white as a ghost "Huh? Sai what's wrong?" She asked, now being the worried one.

He didn't answer only pointed. Mir turned around to see Kira on a stretcher being wheeled into the infirmary followed by a teary eyed Cagalli and Athrun.

"Oh my God! Kira!" Miriallia screamed as she floated towards them as quickly as she could.

"Everything is fine he just needs rest" Cagalli assured her before she and Athrun entered the room, the door closing behind them.

Miriallia leaned against the wall and began to cry, to cry for Tolle, the Commander, Fllay and even Kira. The war had taken and hurt so many and she was starting to get worn down from it all. When she calmed down a bit Sai placed his hand on her shoulder and whispered in her ear "Mir… I'm going to go get changed. We can check on Kira together when I get back ok?"

"…" She nodded yes and then watched as he floated away from her. When he was out of sight she felt another hand on her shoulder. She looked up to see it was none other than Dearka Elsman, the BUSTER's pilot.

"He'll will be ok. The princess wasn't lying."

"Just go away" She whispered in a hateful tone.

"Huh?" He said surprised.

"I know you're leaving. If you're expecting us to… do what we did again before you go you can just forget it. Like you said It was a mistake, one no one needs to know about."

 **Flashback**

He looked down at his hands, frustrated he balled them up into fists. He wanted to hit the tabled below him, crack it in two if it could make the pain go away. He never expected to see the VESALIUS go down, not without him fighting to protect it. Maybe Yzak was right, he was a traitor. What was he fighting for anyway? The ARCHANGEL had taken him prisoner. They held him in the brig for nearly two months, and now he sat alone in mess hall as a trusted pilot. But he didn't believe in the cause… not as much as Athrun anyways. So why was he here?

Hearing hesitant footsteps approach he turned to look. It was _her_. The girl who seemed to bring out both the worst and the best in him. She stood only a few feet from him looking upset. He didn't know how to react. Why was she so upset he wondered. Standing up he looked at her frowning in confusion. He was more confused when she reached forward and touched his arm gently for a few seconds.

"What are you doing?" He questioned looking down where her hand had been.

"I needed to know you're real… that you didn't die out there" She replied sadly looking away from him.

"Why would you think I was dead?" He mocked.

"I lost your signal…I saw the same message I saw… when Tolle was killed." She whimpered, hearing this his frown softened. "I was terrified you were gone. That I would never see you again."

"I'm fine" he insisted.

"You don't look fine" She said looking back at him and up into his tourchered eyes. "What happened out there? In the colony? The commander came back injured… Kira is an emotional wreck and you..."

"And I what?" He nearly snapped.

"You look lost" She replied sympathetically. They were both quiet for a few second before she spoke again "I'm sorry about your ship."

"It wasn't my ship, just a place I served once. That part of my life is over now. I will never be a ZAFT soldier again. There is no reason to get emotional over it."

"So just like that you move on? You just watched people who were part of your life die, that can't mean nothing to you." she said confused at his nonchalance.

"Maybe you don't realize this, but that is part of being a soldier. This is a war. People die everyday. As much as we may desire to stop that, more lives will be lost before it is all over. If you can't live with that then maybe you made the wrong choice staying with this ship." He grumbled before pushing past her, bumping slightly into her shoulder.

His statement made her angry but in that moment a feeling inside her was stronger than that "I'm glad you didn't die." She whispered as he brushed past her. He was surprised to hear this. Stopping he turned to look at her back. "I don't know what I would do if I lost you. I don't want anyone else to have to die because they were protecting me."

He watched her from behind as she started to cry. She was upset all because of him… again. Except this time it was because she thought she had lost him forever. Was it possible that she actually cared for him? Nervously he scratched the back of his neck before reaching out for her shoulder. "Hey listen…" he started before being interrupted by her spinning around and slamming her body into his. She cried into his chest, balling her hands up into his shirt. He wasn't sure what to do at first, then in a sudden moment of clarity he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in tight. "It's all going to be ok." He whispered in a sultry tone.

She pulled her face away from his chest and looked up into his bright violet eyes. She had never noticed how enchanting his eyes were before. Her stomach felt strange looking at him. Like she was nervous or excited… maybe both. It was the first time she had felt such feelings for the young coordinator. She took a deep breath and felt herself standing up straighter, pushing her her head up closer to his. He seemed to follow suit leaning his head down towards hers. They hovered so close together that there was barely a space between their lips, both wondering if they should take the leap.

He moved his head to be next to her ear "I'm sorry I scared you" He said, his hot breath dancing on her neck drove her crazy. "I promise next time I won't put you through that again. But don't ask me not to fight… because if _you_ died I would truly be the one who was lost." Turning his head he kissed her sweetly on the cheek.

Her face was quickly covered in a slight shade of pink as she watched him walk out of the room. Her knees felt weak as she stumbled back and took hold of the table behind her for support. Slowly she lifted her hand up and touched her cheek where his lips had touched. She smiled to herself as she closed her eyes. She could hear her heart pounding in her chest. She listened quietly to it as she felt her face cold down.

"Miriallia there you are!"

"Huh?" She opened her eyes and saw Sai standing alone in the doorway.

"Are you okay? I just saw Dearka leaving… you two didn't get into another fight did you?" He asked as he approached. Seeing tears in her eyes he wiped one away. "You've been crying" He remarked.

"It's nothing. Just… it was a tough day." She admitted. "How is Kira?" She asked trying to change the subject.

"I'm not sure. I haven't had the chance to speak with him."

"And you?" she inquired.

"Huh? What do you mean me?" He questioned confused.

"Fllay… the DOMINION has her now." Mir could see he was trying his best to stay strong about the situation.

"Fllay is stronger than anyone give her credit for. I'm sure she will be fine." He tried to tell himself just as much as her.

"You're right. She'll be just fine." She said pushing herself off the table. She stretched her arm up high and yawned loudly, causing Sai to laugh at her slightly. "Huh? What?" she mumbled embarrassed.

"Nothing, just you should probably get some rest. After that battle I doubt we will be attacked anytime soon." He remarked. "Now is as good of time as any to catch up on some sleep."

"And you?"

"My shift is about to start, yours just finished right?" He questioned.

"Yeah… it did." She said sighing. "I miss when we use to get to hangout. It seemed now we only get a few minutes together between shifts."

"I know" He said placing his hand reassuringly on her shoulder. "But I promise when this is all over we will spend as much time as possible together." He said leaning in and kissing her on the cheek in the same spot Dearka had moments before.

She was surprised how different it felt. Sai's kiss was that of a friend's, one that just wanted to let her know he was there for her. Dearka's on the other hand felt… it felt like more. Like he was holding back what he really intended. It felt like when Tolle used to kiss her cheek. A kiss of affection and adoration.

After Sai left she headed to her room to get some rest. When she laid down however all she could do was toss and turn. Her mind was stuck. She frowned looking up at the ceiling. Why would _he_ do that? Why would he kiss her cheek? The more she thought about it the angrier she got. Knowing she wouldn't get any sleep until she asked him about it she got up. Leaving her bunk she headed down to Kira's old room which Dearka had taken over.

Reaching forward she knocked hard on the door three times. She waited impatiently outside for him to open it. He seemed to be taking his sweet time answering it but finally the door whooshed open revealing a very sleepy shirtless soldier. She was all ready to yell at him and ask why he kissed her cheek like that when she noticed his chest. All anger wiped off her face and was replaced with concern. "You're hurt" she remarked.

He glanced down at his chest. It was covered in bruises both new and old. He looked back up at her and said "I take it you've never seen a pilot with their shirt off before" She just looked at him doe eyed making him feel the need to explain. "Mobile suits get hit and the pilots get trashed around. Injuries like this happen but they are nothing to worry about." He assured her. "So why are you here anyway? Shouldn't you be getting some sleep by now?"

"I couldn't sleep, I'm hardly ever able to sleep anymore" She admitted. "Guess I have a lot on my lately" To her surprise Dearka moved aside and motioned with his head for her to come in. She just looked at him unsure of what to think.

"It's not like I'm going to bite" He said sarcastically. Reluctantly she walked in. She looked around the empty room and then back at the soldier. "So what was it you wanted to talk to me about. Not that I'm an expert or anything but that wasn't exactly the calmest of knocks." He joked sitting down on his bed.

"Forget it" She said her eyes shifting away from him embarrassed.

"You know you should really try and get some sleep" he said. "You're kind of essential to the survival of us pilots. Wouldn't want you to mess up because you neglected to take care of yourself."

"It's not that easy to sleep… every time I close my eyes I get…" She hesitated. She didn't want to say it.

"Scared?" He asked. She was surprised when he started to smile at her. "Can I let you in on a little secret?"

"What?" She questioned curious.

"Even the bravest soldier gets scared. If they aren't then they're crazy. Any day could be our last and there isn't much we can do to change that. All we can do is fight and hope for a brighter tomorrow." She looked at him in disbelief. Was this really the same boy that walked onto their ship so many weeks ago. "Now come here" He said standing. Her eyes opened wide as he took hold of her belt and undid it causing it to fall loose around her body.

"Wh-what are you doing?" She blurted.

"Stay here tonight." He proposed. "I promise I'll keep you safe. I'll sleep in the other bed. Maybe knowing someone is there to protect you will help you to sleep."

"I don't think that will work." she confessed. "You see I share my room with several crew members. I'm never alone in there and yet I still feel scared when I close my eyes."

"Then I guess we have no choice."

"Huh?" Taking hold of her hand he pulled her down to the bed with him. She was shocked by his action.

He held her against his chest and whispered. "I promise I'll protect you, even if it's only for tonight." She couldn't believe what was happening, then again neither could Dearka. His head was screaming at him that it was a bad idea. She was a natural and his former enemy but his heart was beating so fast and loud it seemed to drowned out the sound of his head's protest.

Speechless MIriallia just nodded. Turning around she pulled her shoes and socks off followed by her jacket. She then laid down in the bed. She was so nervous she didn't know what to do or say. Then again she was supposed to be there for sleep so maybe she should just close her eyes she thought. As she closed them she saw a vision of Dearka kissing her cheek, raising the question all over again of why. She tried to push the image out of her mind. For almost an hour she laid there until finally she rolled over to looked at him. He already looked like he was fast asleep. She couldn't help but notice how peaceful he seemed.

Watching him sleep she decided maybe she should let him rest, that was until he spoke; eyes still closed. "Is something wrong?" He mumbled.

She jumped slightly, not expecting him to speak. Working up the courage she asked "Why did you kiss me?"

He opened his eyes and looked at her. "I don't know… it just… felt right." He admitted. She could tell by the sound of his voice he was only half awake. "Besides, it was just your cheek. Sorry if I offended you" He babbled before closing his eyes.

"No… it… it was ok" She couldn't believe how nervous she was. "Dearka?"

"Humm… yeah"

"You… you can call me by my name from now on" She informed him. He reopened his eyes and looked at her surprised. It had been so long since she had told him he couldn't say her name. Part of him never believed she would ever let him use it.

"Go to sleep… Miriallia" He said smiling at her. It was a smile she had never seen on his face before. It wasn't fake or out of politeness, it was real and genuine. Somehow this simple smile made her forget everything around her. Without thinking she suddenly closed the gap between them and kissed him.

He was stunned by her action but quickly returned the gesture. Maybe it was the sleep deprivation or the stress they were under that was fueling their actions but in the moment neither of them cared. All they cared about was forgetting everything else going on around them.

* * *

Miriallia slowly blinked as she woke up the next morning. Opening her eyes she was confused by her surroundings. " _Where am I?"_ She wondered. She was quickly reminded when she felt something or rather _someone_ pressed up against her. She blushed remembering who that someone was. Her blush turned to horror when she remembered something else. Lifting the blanket she looked down at her naked body. She couldn't believe what she had done. It all seemed right the night before but now she wasn't sure.

Not wanting to deal with it she snuck out of the bed hoping not to wake the sleeping pilot. Leaning down she picked up her underwear and quickly but quietly slipped them on and reached down for her shirt and bra. "You know in my experience it's best not to sneak out on someone you see everyday" Miriallia gasped in surprise as she stood up and looked back at the bed. Slowly Dearka opened his eyes to look at her.

"I… well" she stammered trying to come up with an explanation why she was trying to run out on him.

"Don't be embarrassed." He said rolling on his back to look at the ceiling. "Sometimes these things mean nothing. Just something that needs worked out of your system. If you want we can pretend none of this even happened. Reset back to yesterday after the battle." He suggested.

"I'm sorry… this… it's just not me. I don't do this" She said a little disappointed in herself.

"Then I should be the one apologizing. This was all just a big mistake" He glanced over at her and said. "You should get going, you know before anyone starts to wonder where you are" He then rolled over and looked at the wall to give her some privacy while she dressed. She did so quickly and left. When he knew she was gone from his room he slammed his fist hard against the wall. " _Dammit you idiot! What the hell were you thinking?"_ He scolded himself.

 **End of Flashback**

"Is that really what you think I want?" Dearka replied a little ticked off. "Sorry but I thought that maybe you needed someone to talk to now that a ceasefire has been called."

Whipping around to look at him she cried out "And what makes you think that I would want to talk to you?!"

Surprised at her reaction he backed up a bit. "... I… well" he stammered.

"Just stop it" she yelled. "Just go. Get on that shuttle and go back to the PLANTs! I don't need you! So just leave me alone you scumbag!" Surprised at her own words she covered her mouth stifling a gasp. She didn't know why those words had left her lips. She didn't think of him like that, not anymore at least. Was her emotions really running that high that she would say something _that_ cruel to him? "Dearka… I… I'm sorry" she whimpered, but the damage was already done.

"If that's what you _really_ want then fine, I'll leave" he spat before turning and taking off around the corner and down the hall.

Miriallia leaned back against the wall refusing to watch him leave. She knew that if she looked she would be watching him walk out of her life for good. She couldn't believe herself. With the ZAFT shuttle arriving soon she managed to have a horrible hello and goodbye with the blonde soldier. She couldn't help but feel full of regret.


	2. Chapter I: Sick Bay

_**Love Trials**_

* * *

 **Chapter I: Sick Bay**

Four hours had passed since Miriallia had snapped at Dearka. Since then she changed into her civilian clothes and the ZAFT shuttle came and went. She didn't go and see the shuttle off. Part of her wanted to run down to the hanger and apologize to Dearka but she couldn't help think what would it help. She heartbroken over her own words. She had been sad and angry towards the war and she took it out on someone who didn't deserve to be yelled at. _"I'm a monster!"_ She thought.

She felt like a zombie in the room full with people talking and laughing. She was just sitting there on one of the beds in the sickbay. She was visiting Kira who was on bed rest for the next day or so. He was all bandaged up but managing to stay in good spirits, mostly because he was relieved the war was coming to an end.

Mir looked up and smiled at her friend. She couldn't help but notice how he was looking at the young songstress on the edge of his bed. His eyes were filled with a happiness she had never seen in him before. She knew what it was. It was the same look that Tolle used to have for her, a look of love. Kira was in love with Lacus and judging by the look in her eyes the feeling was mutual.

Beside the bed Cagalli sat on a stool while Athrun leaned against the wall. The four of them talked endlessly as Miriallia stared blankly at them all. Finally noticing how silent the girl was being Cagalli asked "Are you okay?" Mir looked up at her surprised. She didn't really expect anyone to speak to her. She was so lost in her own little world she failed to answer. "Miriallia?"

"Yeah… I'm fine… just thinking I guess" she replied in a sad tone.

"About what?" Cagalli pried.

Miriallia titled her head confused. Part of her wondered why the girl wanted to know. Was it possible Cagalli considered her a friend, one that she would actually be concerned about. "It's nothing. I just… I made a mistake" She admitted.

"Whatever it was Mir I'm sure you could fix it." Kira said trying to make her feel better.

"I don't think there is any fixing this." she muttered.

"What happened?" Kira questioned worried.

"Nothing. I said something I shouldn't have to someone. Now they're gone and I didn't get a chance to apologize to them. Not that apologizing would make things any better" She sighed. "It just… with everything that happened today I guess I got a little emotional and took it out on the wrong person." She admitted. "I… feel like a monster for what I said to him" She felt her eyes water saying those words out loud.

"You're not a monster" Cagalli said. "This is just an emotional time. I'm sure he gets that."

Miriallia couldn't help but think of his face and how hurt it was. "You didn't see the look he gave me" she said sounding defeated. "I told him to leave and… that he was a scumbag." Tears started to build up more in her eyes, threatening to fall.

"You told who that? Cagalli questioned.

Miriallia was quiet for a few seconds, like she wasn't sure she should answer. Looking down at the ground she said. "The BUSTER's pilot, Dearka Elsman."

Kira couldn't help but be a little surprised at his friend's words. Mir was never one to say rude things to anyone. But then again Sai had told him her history with Dearka during his time away. Lacus seemed to look concerned that Dearka's feelings may be hurt. Cagalli just plain did know what to think or say. Seeing no one was responding Athrun decided to comfort the young girl, it was the least he could do after all.

"I'm sure he's heard worse." he informed her. "Dearka… he has a strong personality, one many butt heads with. He was probably just ticked off that you blew him off. Not many girls do"

"Meaning he's a player who always gets want he wants" Cagalli translated.

"Wait what?" Miriallia questioned blushing. "You're wrong Dearka doesn't want me. That's not what any of this was about" she insisted.

"You're kidding right?" Athrun said dumbfounded. "You mean you don't see it?"

"Athrun don't" Kira warned not wanting Mir to get hurt.

"I don't see what?" She asked more curious.

Athrun hesitated in speaking further. On one hand Kira told him not to say anything, on the other this was the most he and the girl had talked. There had always been this unspoken distance between them, a wall even. A wall created by the death of her boyfriend Tolle, a death he directly caused. Did he really want to shut her down?

"You know it doesn't really matter." He said honestly. "Dearka left a few hours ago. It's not like knowing will make a difference. Just forget I said anything. It's only speculation anyways"

"Just tell me. What am I missing?" she blurted almost desperate.

"He cares for you" Lacus informed her. Mir looked at her unsure of what to think. "He respects you for both your perseverance and bravery. You are the person who gave him something to fight for, something he could believe in. You brought light into his life, one that was filled with so much darkness and hate. Having someone like you who he looks so highly upon angry at him must have been difficult. But Dearka… he will find a way to smile again, he always has."

Miriallia couldn't help but be more confused than before. Her head was spinning with so many questions. What did she mean she brought light to his dark life? He was happy as a ZAFT soldier wasn't he? Then again if he was so happy why did he leave them? Was she really the only reason why? Becauses he wanted to protect her, to fight for her?

"I just wish I never said anything to him in the first place" Mir whispered in a hushed sad tone.

"If you felt so bad about calling him out why didn't you go say goodbye to him? Apologize you know?" Cagalli asked.

"Because it wouldn't have made a difference. I tried to apologize after I said it but he didn't want to hear it. If Dearka really did have any kind of respect or caring for me it's gone now." She concluded.

"You can't know anything without trying." Cagalli argued. "You don't know how someone really feels until you ask. And you can't predict someone's reactions based on your own fears."

"Well…" Miriallia said sighing as she started to stand. "... Guess I'll never know, he's gone now." As she stood up straight the door to the sickbay flew open. Much to everyone's surprise there looking at all of them confused was the very coordinator they were just talking about. _"Dearka?"_ Mir thought, not believing her own eyes.

Everyone seemed to just stare at him. "Jeez you guys are acting like you just saw a ghost" he muttered sarcastically as he turned to riffle through the cabinet.

"Dearka, what are you doing here?" Athrun asked genuinely curious.

Dearka didn't seem to pay attention to him at first until he finally found what he was looking for in the cabinet. "Getting some bandages" he said as he pulled them out. "Doc says I should change the dressing every few hours until it starts to heal" He said referring to his head wound.

"You know that's not what I meant. I mean here on the ARCHANGEL. I thought you were going home" he stated.

"You honestly thought I would?" He replied frowning. "Tell me Zala what exactly is there for me to go back to?" Mir was surprised to hear the disgust in his voice. In this moment she would give anything to go home but he seemed to be avoiding his. What was so wrong to him when it came to his home?

"Your mother for one" he suggested. "She thought you died. Don't you think she deserves to see you, to know first hand that you're alive."

"I know Yzak will make sure that she is well informed about my vitality. Besides as much as I would like to see my mother again they are a package deal. I got away from him once. I'm not going back." Dearka insisted. _"As if I'm going anywhere near that bastard"_ he thought to himself.

"Then you're coming back with us to Orb?" Cagalli questioned.

"Yes. I've already discussed it with Kisaka and the Captain. They both agree given the circumstances that it's the best choice. That is pending your approval M'lady."

"My approval?" She repeated sounding a little unsure of herself.

"Ah yeah" Dearka said nervously scratching the back of his neck. "You do realize you're now the leader of Orb right?" He could tell by the look in her eyes that that thought had never occurred to her. She was too busy fighting for her country to ever think about running it. "You'll be fine." He assured her. "If you run that country with half the passion you fight with no one will ever mess with you guys again." Dearka turned and started to leave. Before walking out the door he look over his shoulder and said. "Oh, the Captain wanted me to inform you that the repairs are ahead of schedule. You should all prepare for descent. We'll be making our way for Earth in a few hours."

"I thought the thrusters were too badly damaged to make decent." Kira pointed out.

Turning back to reply he said "They were but the ZAFT shuttle brought new ones. I helped Murdoch to install them on the ship so we could get going. No reason to stick around here much longer with the ceasefire. Besides a country is in bad need of their leader."

"So then… you never rested" Miriallia remarked, finally find words to say to him. "This whole time you've been working?"

Dearka just frowned at her. Turning around to face the door he hissed "Guess scumbags don't need sleep." Every bit of hurt he felt could be heard by everyone with his words.

Miriallia felt like crying. She wanted to fall to her knees and let it all out but she couldn't. She was numb. He was still mad at her, maybe even hated her. Worst of all was that no one understood the whole story. No one knew their true connection, what they had done the night of the Mendel Colony incident. They were all too busy with their own issues to see what was going on between them. To see that she was acting funny. To see the shame in her eyes that eventually faded to acceptance. To know that she wasn't upset because she hurt another person's feeling but it was because she hurt his feelings. The first person she kissed since Tolle or even lo- _'No"_ she thought. That couldn't be how she felt.

"Hey Mir" Cagalli said touching her shoulder reassuringly. "I'm sorry. Guess he's still mad. But maybe Athrun can talk to him, see if he might lighten up a little." She suggested.

"Ah… yeah" Athrun said a little taken back by being volentold. "After we descend I'll go speak with him."

"Thanks… but I don't think there is any fixing this."


	3. Chapter II: Friendly Interrogation

_**Love Trials**_

* * *

 **Chapter II: Friendly Interrogation**

With the ship not fully repaired the descent to Earth was shaky and rough. When they finally landed they were several hours outside of Orb. This left them plenty of time to get their affairs in order. Athrun walked nervously through the halls as he looked for his former ZAFT comrade. He wasn't sure what to say to him, especially with him so on edge. He and Dearka never were close, even during their academy days. He couldn't help but feel like he was walking in a lion's den.

After wandering around for awhile he decided to check the hanger. As he walked in he saw Dearka over talking with the Chief Mechanic Kojiro Murdoch. They seemed to be discussing the condition of the ship. Noticing Athrun he excused himself.

"Hey Zala" He said saluting mockingly. "What's going on?"

"We need to talk… in private"

Dearka raised and eyebrow confused "Yeah, sure" Together they walked over to an empty area of the hanger. Dearka waited patiently for him to say something. He could see his reluctance as he fidgeted around. "So… you going to talk or what?"

"Sorry. Guess I'm a little tongue tied." He admitted.

"Then untie it." He said impatiently. "I don't have all day. There is still plenty to be done before we dock in Orb."

"Right sorry…" He sighed as he realized it was now or never. He made a mental note to pay Cagalli back for volunteering him for such an unpleasant task. "It's about that girl, Miriallia" He revealed nervously.

"What about her?" Dearka scoffed.

"I heard what she said to you. I know it might have hurt, but are you really still mad at her over it? I know we've never been close but I think I still know you enough to know you've never held a grudge over something like this before."

"It's not about what she said, it's the fact that _she_ said it." He informed him. "I spent weeks in the brig with only my own mind to entertain myself. The only time I would see anyone was when _she_ would bring me my meals. Every time it was just a reminder of what a terrible person I was. But I was stubborn, I refused to change. I kept telling myself I was a strong ZAFT soldier, and she was nothing but a weak natural. It wasn't until I was finally released and I was standing on the hill watching her still fighting that I realized what a fool I was. So when I took the step towards fight with this ship I vowed I would be a better person. I've tried to change. I worked hard to do so, as hard as it was. And I thought I did. But what is the point of changing if _she_ still sees me as she did before? Just some scumbag that she never wants to see again." He explained sounding hurt.

Athrun looked at him in confusion before coming to a strange realization. "Do you have feelings for her?" He questioned without thinking.

Dearka looked at him shocked at his accusation. "What the hell kind of question is that?" He demanded sounding insulted.

"Why did you stay? Don't say it was because of your family. We both know you could have gone anywhere in the PLANTs instead of home, but you chose to stay even after that girl said those things to you. So why?"

"Don't be a moron Zala!" He spat angry at where the conversation was heading. "Don't act like for a second you understand me. You and I aren't friends. We never were and we aren't now. And I'm not interested in a little heart to heart. I just want to get off this ship and start a new life. I can't do that in the PLANTs, not when no matter where I go I'm living in my father's shadow." Without allowing Athrun to respond he stormed off back to help the mechanics work to repair the ship.

"Guess I blew that one." He whispered to himself.

A few hours passed as Athrun tried to avoid having to break the bad news to Miriallia. All he wanted was to do anything and everything he could to bring a little bit of happiness to her life. It was least he could do he thought after taking someone away from her. But he failed. Dearka wasn't interested in forgiving her. What she said didn't matter, not when he believed there was truth in her words.

Athrun walked into the mess hall only to see it was filled with those he was trying to avoid. He wished he could run but before he could Cagalli spotted him. "Athrun! Over here" He swallowed nervously and walked over. There sitting together was Cagalli, Kira, Lacus, Sai and of course Miriallia. "So how did things go?" She asked as he took a seat.

"Not well." he replied sounding disappointed in himself.

"What! You're kidding. Is that guy really that big of jerk that he can't forgive a girl for saying something she didn't mean?" In blurted in anger.

"Cagalli it's okay." Mir said softly. "It's what I expected anyways."

"Just because that is what you expected doesn't mean it's right" Cagalli argued.

"You guys should just leave him alone" Kira interrupted. "He's been through a lot, you can see it in his eyes. Interrogating him about when he thinks he's going to forgive someone is just going to make things worse." He said as he started to scratch at the bandages on his arm. "Just give him space."

"Are you ok Kira?" Lacus asked concerned at his continuous scratching.

"Huh? Yeah, it's just these bandages. I think they might need changed." He informed her.

"Let's go to the sickbay. I'll help you change them."

"No that's fine. I'll go by myself, you just stay here and relax."

Kira left and headed to the infirmary. He had the complete intention of staying far away from Dearka and the drama surrounding him. Unfortunately fate had other plans. As he walked thru the doors he saw the very guy he was hoping to avoid.

"Hey Kira" Dearka said noticing him. "Your bandages itching too?" He questioned.

"Yeah. Guess we had the same idea." He laughed as he walked in and picked up some new gauze and tape. "The doctor not around?" He asked seeing Dearka was alone to change his dressing.

"One of the mechanics injured themselves while making repairs. I came up here to get him and he suggested I stay behind and put some clean ones on."

"I see…" Kira began trying to re-wrap his arm him by himself but was failing miserably. Unable to stand the display and long Dearka spoke up.

"Here let me help you with that" he suggested. Having Kira sit down on a stool he started to help the young pilot. Kira just watched in amazement unsure of what to say until he thought of his friend. "I'm sorry for what Miriallia said earlier. It wasn't like her, at least the old her. Ever since she lost Tolle she hasn't really been the same"

"She gets that he's not coming back right?" Dearka blurted sounding ticked off.

"Huh?" Kira responded in surprise.

"He's been gone for five months now. Any good soldier would be over it by now and moved on. But… she hasn't. I don't get it, I mean how can she even call herself a soldier. Didn't her training teach her anything?"

"You don't know do you?" Kira questioned.

"I don't know what?" He asked as he finished with wrapping Kira's arm.

"Myself, Miriallia, Sai and even Tolle weren't trained soldiers. We were just students in Heliopolis." Kira explained. Hearing the name Heliopolis Dearka frowned. It was the place it all started. The place his so called top team in ZAFT began failing. "When you guys attacked we couldn't get out in time. And since we had seen one of the Earth Alliance's biggest secrets we were forced to go on their ship. Later we all joined to help protect one another and to fight to bring the war to an end."

"She got involved because of me. Because we attacked that day." Dearka said sadly as he sat on one of the beds. "No wonder she hates me. We were to blame for all the bad in her life."

"No don't blame yourself. She had opportunities to leave but she never took them. If she wanted to run away from this she could have. But she didn't. She may not seem it all the time but she's a fighter."

"Yeah, I guess she is"

They sat together in silence for a while before Kira finally asked "If you don't mind me asking, why do you even care if she's over him yet?" His question wasn't meant to offend him, but it was clear on Dearka's face that he had.

"Whatever Athrun told you it's bullshit! I don't have feelings for her. I don't know where the hell you two are getting such absurd ideas from but it's not true!" He blurted in anger as he stood up. He looked away and whispered "I… just can't" as if to convince himself more than Kira.

"I'm sorry Dearka." Kira said standing too. "I didn't mean to suggest anything like that."

Dearka looked back at Kira and informed him "I need to get back to the hanger. There is still lots to be done before we dock in Orb."

"You know Athrun and I can help with that" He offered.

"No, you two have done enough. Just get some rest, I can handle things. Besides I rather stay busy." He said as he exited the room.

Dearka started down the hall back to the hanger when his stomach began to growl. Placing his hand on his rumbly tummy he realized he couldn't remember the last time he ate. Deciding he would be a better help on a full stomach he turned around and headed toward the mess hall. As he began to approach the room he could hear something familiar. The soft humming of a song he had heard many times before. Reaching the doorway he looked in and saw Lacus Clyne humming happily to herself. He couldn't help but smile looking at her.

"You practicing for you own induction ceremony?" He joked as he walked in.

"Huh?" She said confused.

"From what I hear the position as Chair of the council is available. Why aren't you heading to the PLANTs to claim it? It is your birthright after all." He explained as he sat down in front of her.

"Being the Chair of the council is an elected position not a birthright" She corrected. "Besides that isn't what any of this was for."

"Than what was it for? What did you start a rebellion for if it wasn't to take control of the PLANTs." He asked in a serious tone. "No one has or will ever lead them like your father did, except for you. Only you can follow in his footsteps and achieve what he never did. Because you see what I'm struggling with everyday on this ship, that harmony and peace is possible between Naturals and Coordinators."

"Dearka is that truly what you believed? I've seen you on this ship. I've watched you interact with the crew. How can you say you're struggling with seeing peace with them?" She questioned.

"Because… as much as I try to fight it, I am my father's son. Seventeen years of hatred is hard to break. I want to see them as equals but it's difficult. My father always taught me that we should view ourselves as a completely new species. That there was no reason to coexist with Naturals."

"My mother told me something long ago..." She said "'The world belongs to you just as much as you belong to the world. For you were born and that gives you the right to exist'. We must understand that the people of Earth are our brothers and sisters. We Coordinators haven't somehow evolved into a separate species." She concluded.

"Your mother was very different from my father. She taught you to be kind. My father taught me to be strong and to despise the weak."

"And your mother?" She questioned. "From what I remember she is kind. But her kindness doesn't come from being a Coordinator... it's because of her heart and who she is inside. You have as much of her kindness inside you as you have your father's hatred."

"What if his hatred is stronger?" He asked.

"What is it you were fighting for?" He looked at her confused. "Fighting alongside Naturals wasn't something your father would do. You are not him. You are you. Your own person."

"Lacus… can I be honest."

"Of course"

"I don't know why I stayed on this ship." He replied. "I had the chance to leave, to watch the ARCHANGEL go down, but I couldn't do it. My mind kept fixating on them and I couldn't let them die. They were the enemy but I fought to save them. I continued to fight almost dieing many time to protect them but for what? I don't get why I did it."

She just smiled at him. He looked at her with an inquisitive look before saying. "The heart wants what the heart wants. Whatever it is you feel you can't fight it. Embrace how you feel and everything in your life will fall into place."

Dearka sat there thinking about her words when it all sunk in. He felt nervous and clammy as he realized the truth. The truth he had been denying. "Sorry Lacus I… I have to go" Standing up quickly he headed for the doorway. He raced down the hallway. He needed to find _her._ He had been such a fool. She was just girl, he was just a boy. Why was he complicating things? Because of his father, the man he hated. He fought for a reason and that reason was the first thing he did that he father was nowhere on his mind. The first honest thing he did because he himself wanted to.

As he rounded the corner he smashed directly into someone, sending them both hurling to the ground. "Ouch" The both cried as they hit the floor. Dearka was the first to recover. He sat up and was horrified to see he had just knocked over Orb's new leader Cagalli Yula Athha.

"Damn, sorry princess." He said as he offered her his hand to help her up.

"It's okay, and call me Cagalli." She replied dusting herself off. "Where exactly are you off to in such a hurry?"

"It's just well" He said nervously scratching the back of his head.

"You're acting like you're running off to battle or something. What is so important that you're lacking to watch where you're going."

"It's 9 o'clock" He informed her. This only served to confuse her. "I have one hour until we dock, that's one hour to fix every mistake I've made since the day I stepped foot on this ship. Just one hour to change who I was and figure out how to stay that way. But most importantly it's one hour to make everything right with someone I never thought I'd care about making it right with. Because all this isn't suppose to be me, but she makes me a new person." He admitted.

"I don't understand."

"You don't have to." He declared. "I just need to know where Miriallia is"

"Miriallia?" She questioned.

"Yes."

"She headed for the lower de-" Before she could finish her sentence he was off running down the halls once more, this time with a solid destination in mind.


	4. Chapter III: Confession of Truth

_****Love Trials****_

* * *

 **Chapter III: Confession of Truth**

His mind was spinning. Part of him was telling himself to stop while the rest was yelling at him to keep going. But he knew he needed to see this through. He needed to listen to what his heart was telling him was right and stop listening to the lies his father planted in his head. For so long he had been taught that naturals were lesser beings, that they were worth nothing. But Miriallia… she was worth a hell of a lot more then nothing he thought. She had a hold on him he didn't quite understand.

He started to run down the hall that lead out to the lower deck, only to see someone was blocking it. He slowed down his pace as he reached the person. He could tell they were very displeased with his arrival. "Is she out there?" Dearka asked as calmly as he could manage.

"Does it matter?" they blurted sounding angry. "Whether she is there or not you aren't going near her, not ever again. You are going to walk away now!"

Dearka couldn't help but be ticked off at being told to buzz off. "Step aside Sai" he urged. "I need to speak with her"

"I'm not going to let you hurt her again. Everytime you walk away from her she's left in tears. I am sick and tired of watching my friend get hurt because of you!"

"I'm not going to hurt her!" He argued. "Now move aside." He ordered as he attempted to pass.

Sai however was in no mode to be ordered around. Swinging his fist towards Dearka he tried to hit him, but the young Coordinator proved to be too fast as he dodged the punch with ease. Angry that Sai would take a strike at him he swung a punch toward his face. Milliseconds before connecting someone yelled "Dearka STOP!" Hearing their voice he obeyed stopping with his fist almost grazing Sai's cheek.

Leaning in Dearka whispered. "Don't be a fool. You may like to think Naturals and Coordinators are equals but when it comes to agility and control you don't stand a chance." Standing up straight he turned to look at the person who yelled. "Athrun, what are you and the others doing here?" He asked noticing Kira, Cagalli and Lacus were all with him.

"Cagalli said you were heading to find Miriallia. We just wanted to make sure you know what you are doing." He replied as they approached.

"What do you mean know what I'm doing" He question insulted.

"Once you go through that door there is no turning back" Lacus informed him. "Know and understand what you are doing. We have all helped to bring peace to the Earth and the Colonies, giving her the chance to return to her life as it was. Be satisfied with that or risk hurting her with the truth you wish to tell her."

Dearka leaned against the wall as he thought of the songstresses words. He closed his eyes and spoke. "I can't keep lying to myself." He admitted before looking back towards his comrades. "My staying on this ship had nothing to do with family. I just… couldn't walk away, not without saying what I need to say to her. It's not anything I expect any of you to understand, I don't even think I understand. But I need to do this, whether it hurts her again or not."

"No" Sai said. "You're not going out there. Mir doesn't deserve this torture."

"Sai that's enough" Kira commanded. "Let him pass. Miriallia wants to talk to him as much as he wants to talk to her. Let them solve their issues. This could be their last chance to make everything right."

"Kira…" Sai looked over at Dearka. He could tell he didn't like him, but to be honest he didn't much care for the BUSTER's pilot either. "Fine" He replied reluctantly moving aside. Dearka nodded a thank you to Kira before exiting through the door.

He looked across the long deck. The sun setting over the horizon blinded him for a moment causing him to shield his eyes with his arm. Seeing a figure of a girl shrouded in the light he began to walk towards them. He could see she was looking across the sea watching as Orb slowly start to become visible. As he got closer and closer the details of her became more clear. Hearing his footsteps approach she turned.

He found himself motionless when she looked towards him. The moment felt like slow motion. Her hair blew slightly in the wind as the light danced off their entire body. His heart started beating faster than he had ever felt before. He could feel it almost pounding in his chest. Looking at her in that dress covered in twinkling sunlight he finally saw her completely different. She was no longer Miriallia Haww, the former Earth Alliance soldier and natural. She was now just Miriallia Haww, the girl. The only girl who had ever stopped him in his place like this.

He felt more nervous than he thought he would. Getting the courage he continued his walk towards her, but instead of stopping in front of her he kept walking. He leaned against the railing and looked over the water. He was speechless. Words were trapped in his mouth, right at the tip of his tongue. He chose instead of being a stumbling bumbling idiot to just remain cool and silent.

Miriallia just looked at the silent young Coordinator wondering what to do. What was he doing out here anyway? She wondered to herself. Looking at him she found herself blushing. For the first time in awhile she saw him like she did _that_ night. He wasn't just some jerk, he was a real person. Taking a deep breath she decided to lean against the railing as well. She watched her homeland come into sight. Looking above the setting sun she could see the PLANTs were starting to become visible. That was _his_ home. The home he chose to leave behind because of a supposedly horrible father, but was that the whole reason she wondered.

"I'm not the person you think I am" He finally said after several minutes of just standing there. She looked at him confused. "The guy I was before any of this was destroyed by the war." He admitted. "I would have never spoken to a girl the way I did to you when we first met. War seems to demolish any good in someone. Desensitize them, at least that is what I thought" He stood up straight and looked at her. She looked back at him up into his enchanting violet eyes. "Then I met you. You've been through so much but you're still a caring and down to Earth person. I just wanted to apologize to you for everything."

"Huh?" She replied confused. "Why are you apologizing? I'm the one who should be saying I'm sorry, for what I said to you earlier" Mir's eyes went down to her feet ashamed of herself for what she said.

Dearka reached forward lift up her chin so she would look him straight in the eyes. "I don't care what you said. Because I want to start over. Part of that is being honest with you." He removed his hand from her face and looked up towards the stars and the PLANTs in the sky. "I didn't stay because of my father. To be honest I cut him out of my life before the war ever started. I stayed because of you…"

Her eyes went wide " _he stayed because of me_?" she thought. "What do you mean you stayed beca-" Before she could finish Dearka pressed his lips against hers in a long awaited kiss. A kiss he had been wanting since their last weeks before.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in closer as he deepened the kiss. After a few seconds he broke away and pressed his forehead against hers. "That night we spent together meant something to me, I don't want to walk away from you not knowing really what that is." he sealed his confession with a small kiss. Miriallia then pressed herself against his chest, burying her face into his shirt. "….let's start over Miriallia, in Orb, a new start for me and you."

"What if I not ready for any of this?" She asked her voice cracking.

"Then I'll wait. I'm a patient man. As long as you see me somewhere in your future I'll wait as long as I have to." She smiled to herself. She didn't know if she was ready, or if she ever would but she wanted to forget everything.

"What if I lose you?" She asked sadly.

"This war is over. I'm not going anywhere. I promise you won't lose me, not like you lost _him._ "

"What if you figure out that I'm just a fling. That I don't mean anything to you"

"What if you figure out I'm just a rebound?" He retorted. "Life is full of what ifs. But you can't let those stop you from living the life you want"

"I don't think I know what I want." She answered honestly. "None of this feels real" She pulled out of his grip and looked back over the ocean. "I'm going home. I never thought that would ever happen. And I have you to thank" She said turning back to him. "You're the reason I get to go home. If you didn't save us I wouldn't be here"

"There you go with the 'ifs' again." He laughed. "You don't have to decide right now. We'll talk later." Leaning down he kissed her on the cheek and started to walk away. As Miriallia watched him walk away she couldn't help but realized she never wanted to see that ever again.

"Dearka wait!" She yelled as she started to chase after him. He turned and she leaped into his arms. "I don't know what this is, but I can't pretend it's nothing. You might have to wait, but I'm yours when ever my heart is ready to move on."


	5. Chapter IV: Night at the Mansion

_**Love Trials**_

* * *

 **Chapter IV: Night at the Mansion**

When they docked in Orb the Captain of the ARCHANGEL gather everyone into the hanger. She gave a heartfelt speech thanking them all for fighting alongside her before dismissing them for a final time. After she was done addressing the crew she pulled Kira, Sai and Miriallia aside. They were expecting to be told that they would be seeing their families soon but instead received different news. Since they had no training in how to deal with the situations they had been put in they were required to participate in a therapy program that Cagalli and Lacus would also be participating in.

The program would be held at the Athha Mansion where they would live until the therapist was satisfied that they could reintegrate into society. PTSD was the biggest concern. It could affect even the most prepared soldier, so for a couple of students, a songstress and a leader's daughter it was a high possibility. They wanted to argue. There was nothing they wanted more than to just go home. But they knew they were right. With no place else to go Cagalli invited both Athrun and Dearka to join them at the Mansion and urged them to take part in the therapy. Although they were trained well there was always issues for them to work through as well.

They arrived at the Attha mansion late that night. Cagalli was sadden by the sight. Walking through the doors she expected to be greeted by her father as she always was. But he was gone. Nothing was ever going to be the same again. She was to become the leader of Orb, there was much to do before that day but it was inevitable. Turning back behind her she looked at Kira. Her father was right, she wasn't alone. He was her brother. She couldn't help but smile remembering that.

Turning towards everyone she addressed them. "The guestrooms are up the stairs and down the hall on the right." She informed them.

"Damn, it'll be nice to finally sleep in a real bed again" Dearka said slinging his duffle bag over his shoulder.

They all headed upstairs ready to chose bedrooms as they walked down the hall. Cagalli headed down a separate hall towards her own bedroom. Before she left Athrun gave her a hug and kissed her lightly on the forehead. He watched her walk away and then went into the first room. Lacus and Kira followed suit quickly going into separate rooms. Sai walked over to Miriallia and wished her a goodnight. Looking up at Dearka he gave him a look of warning before going into his own room, leaving just two of them out in the hall.

"I… I guess this is goodnight" Miriallia said nervously tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Yeah, guess it is" He replied scratching the back of his neck. He was nervous too. Clearing his throat he said "Well then goodnight, sleep tight and all that." She nodded awkwardly before walking into her own room.

Miriallia tried going to sleep only to toss and turn. Her dreams were invaded with visions of War. Every climatic battle was ingrained in her brain. She moaned in her sleep scared of what was happening in her mind. The fear built up in her more and more until finally she shot up in bed. Her breathing was erratic. As she calmed herself down she looked over at the clock. It was 3 AM.

She laid back down frustrated that she couldn't sleep. She couldn't remember when the last time was she had this much trouble sleeping. But then she remembered. The last time was _that_ night. The night she worked so hard to forget. The night she made what she thought was the biggest mistake of her life. But was it a mistake. She thought it was when she believed she meant nothing to Dearka, now she didn't know what to think. All she knew was she needed comforting.

Getting out of bed she went out into the hall. Creeping quietly across it she reached Dearka's door. Slowly she opened it and walked in. She looked over at his bed where he was fast asleep. She smiled to herself at the sight of him. The moonlight was pouring in the room, allowing her to see his innocent looking face. He looked so harmless. He was curled up in the middle of the bed with his arms wrapped around a pillow hugging it.

She thought about leaving but the thought of sleeping alone tonight seemed impossible. Heading over to the bed she slowly pulled the pillow out of his arms. She tried not to wake up but seemed to fail. Dearka groaned and opened his eyes slightly.

"Sorry did I wake you" she whispered sweetly.

"Humm…" He moaned as he tried to wake slightly. "What's wrong?" He asked half asleep, half concerned.

Miriallia looked down at him and faked a smile. He was shirtless again and this time his bruises were covering more of his chest. Not that she was surprised. He almost died in the last battle his survival was a big surprise and relief. She crawled into the bed and took the spot his pillow once occupied. "I couldn't sleep" She admitted. "I thought maybe we could share a bed for the night."

"That didn't turn out the best the last time remember?" He asked looking at her.

"Maybe it did" She said leaning forward and kissing him.

He broke the kiss immediately and asked. "Are you sure about this. I thought you needed time?"

"I don't know what I need. But I know what I want, and that's you" She kissed him again and deepened it immediately. She ran her tongue along his bottom lip and he opened his mouth so that she could explore it. Miriallia rolled on top on Dearka's chest a pressed her lips harder against his before breaking apart for air.

"You're quite the little kisser" He joked looking up at her. Leaning up he whispered seductively in her ear "Let's find out what else you're good at."

With one swift movement Dearka reversed their positions, making her lay on her back while he hovered over her. He then leaned down and kissed her passionately like she had him. Grabbing her wrists he held them above her head. When they broke apart he leaned down to her ear and whispered "You know you're the only girl that has ever filled all the little dark places in my heart."

Miriallia felt her heart beating fast. She couldn't believe what he said to her. It was the purest most sweet thing she had ever been told in her entire life. He wasn't at all the guy she thought he was. "Stop trying to get something you already have" She whispered back. "If you want me I'm all yours"

This was all he needed. They began making out like there was no tomorrow. Her hands were running through his hair while he took the opportunity to run his hand up her shirt. Mir moaned as he began to pull off her shirt. He leaned back down pressing himself on top of her. Miriallia couldn't help but notice the increasing pressure on her stomach where Dearka was lying.

Breaking the kiss Mir wrapped her arms around his neck and turned her head to gently bit his earlobe, earning her a very pleased moan from Dearka. The next while was a blur of pleasure and sensations. When it was all over she curled up into his arms. She couldn't help but enjoy this moment. The moment after sex when everything calm. Not that she had experienced such a calm that much. This was only the second time, but she knew she liked it.

"Goodnight Dearka" she whispered.

"Goodnight Miriallia" He kissed her on the back of the neck. He then reached down and pulled the sheet up over top of them. Pulling her in tight they both drifted off to sleep.


	6. Chapter V: Family

_****Love Trials****_

* * *

 **Chapter V: Family**

Miriallia woke up the next morning still feeling Dearka's arms around her. Rolling around she looked at him. It wasn't like the last time. The last time she wanted to run away, this time she just wanted to stay in his arms all day. He opened his eyes and looked into her big blue ones. "You're not going to sneak out?" He asked.

"In my experience it's not wise to sneak out on someone you're going to see everyday" She joked before getting serious "Besides I think I might have feelings for you, feelings I've never felt before"

"That's funny, 'cause I know I have feelings for you I never felt before. Maybe this therapy can help us figure it all out. Heal so we can move forward, with or without each other."

"How about we try and skip therapy today and just stay in bed all day" She suggested.

"I'd love to… but I think Sai would be too concerned if you didn't show up for breakfast." The smile faded from her face when she heard her friend's name. It brought her back to reality and everything that was happening around her.

"I guess I should go get dress so we can get some breakfast" Getting up she slipped her pajamas back on and headed to the door.

"Wait! Did I say something wrong?" He asked worried.

"No, you're right. This is all new, whatever it is. I don't want to risk things by everyone else finding out. They might not understand, especially Sai" She explained as she left.

They both got dressed in their separate rooms before reuniting in the hall. Looking down each end of the hall they saw no one was around. They took this opportunity to shared one last kiss. They didn't really know where they stood with one another but they were going to follow whatever their heart told them to do.

He took hold of her hand surprising her. "Let me walk you to the stairs" He suggested. She smiled and nodded as they walked peacefully towards the stairs. When they got to the top they could hear some kind of commotion on downstairs. "What the hell is going on down there?" He asked looking over to his girl. "Miriallia?" He said noticing the surprised look on her face. He looked back down and could see a few older couples standing there. Two of which were happily embracing Kira and Sai. It was then he realized why she was so surprised. "Miriallia go" He said releasing her hand.

"What?" She replied snapping out of her trance.

"That's your family down there isn't it." He questioned. She nodded 'yes'. "Then what are you waiting for?"

"I'm scared"

"Scared is good" He said. "Means you still know how to feel. Now go" He said lightly shoving her. All arguments were done when she spotted her mother.

As fast as her feet could take her she ran down the stairs, Dearka following slowly behind her. "Mom! Dad!" She shrieked in excitement. She leaped into her mother's arms as her father wrapped them both into a tight hug.

Dearka looked around smiling at his former comrades reuniting with loved ones. Miriallia looked so happy in her parents arms. Sai was talking a mile a minute to his. While Kira was introducing Cagalli and Lacus to his parents. That's when he noticed the look on Athrun's face. Athrun had been with Kira and the others talking but now something was distracting him. He looked over and his eyes met Dearka's. Dearka knew that look. It was a look reserved for serious situations. He followed Athrun's line of vision only to be horrified by the sight.

He tried his hardest to control his breathing as the anger built up inside him. Noticing the look on his face Miriallia broke from her parents embrace. His face was twitching with an anger, she had never seen him like this before. Silence overtook the room as a man slowly walked forward his footsteps echoing through the foyer. He was tall with long brunette hair and deep violet eyes. Everyone was looking at him as he and Dearka stared each other down.

"Get out of here now!" Dearka barked angry. Looking at the man Miriallia had never been so afraid of someone. She didn't know who he was but clearly Dearka not only did but didn't want him there.

"What's wrong Dearka?" The man asked. "Don't you want to give your father a hug like everyone else"

"Like hell I would want to!" Dearka yelled cold heartedly, his former comrades were all surprised except for Lacus and Athrun. They knew exactly who the man was and the relationship he shared with his son. "Stay away from me" He ordered.

"Dearka, is that any way to speak to the man who gave you life."

"Don't act like you care! You've never given a shit about me before, so don't pretend you do now"

"You better watch your mouth boy"

"Or what? You'll wipe the smile off it just like you used to?" He replied in disgust. "I'm not a weak little kid anymore. You come at me and I'll end you! No matter who is watching!" He threatened.

"Don't make threats you can't back up" His father said approaching closer. Soon there was only a couple feet between them and tension was rising quickly. "I breed you into a champion. The way your mother was raising you you would have been a weak pathetic man. I turned you into a fighter, a top gun of ZAFT. And you threw it all away for what!?"

"Don't act like care"

"I do care!" He snapped as he grabbed Dearka's t-shirt and slammed him hard against the rail of the stairs. His face filled with pain as everyone gasped in horror. Kira and Athrun ran forward to help their friend out. "Do you have any idea the trouble you have caused with your insolence."

"Sir that's enough" Athrun said pushing his hands in between them. Dearka's father backed away. "I suggest you two speak civilly or we'll have to have you escorted off the premises Sir."

"Fine, I'm not here to speak with this disappointment anyways." He turned and looked toward Cagalli. "I'm here on official business to discuss terms of the peace treaty. More specifically the fact that you have 24 hours to respond favorably to the first of our terms or else we will end this ceasefire and begin the war once more. Starting by attacking this sorry excuse for a country"

Fear spread and anger spread through the room. "What are you talking about" Cagalli demanded.

"Allow me to properly introduce myself." He said. "My name is Tad Elsman, Supreme Council member of the PLANTs, representing Februarius City. I've come here in search of a fugitive of the war that escaped to Earth on the ARCHANGEL." He informed her. "And I've seemed to have found them"

"What is it you want" Cagalli spat in anger.

"I have the right to seize and prosecute any and all ZAFT soldiers who have deserted or civilians who stole militarized weaponry. The official word in the PLANTs is that Athrun Zala was killed when GENESIS blew up. As for Lacus Clyne, with ETERNAL still missing her status remains unclear." He smirked looking over his shoulder.

"No! You're here for own son!" She said surprised.

"Before his death Rau Le Creuset reported that not only was my son alive but he was aiding the enemy. Now that I have proof of his survival I have no choice but to bring him back to the PLANTs for justice."

"Are you insane!" Athrun yelled. "He's your son! Tell them he's died in battle! Or succumb to bad injuries! Anything! You can't let him be court marshalled, they'll execute him!" He pleaded.

Hearing this Miriallia felt like her heart stopped. " _No they can't_ " She thought.

"I'm sure Dearka knew the consequences of actions the minute he decided to do what he did."

"Why only him?! I betrayed ZAFT too!" Athrun was outraged at Tad's reactions to everything, he remember Yzak saying that Tad was a cruel man but this seemed too far.

"And luckily for you out of respect for your late father I'm choosing to ignore you are even here right now, Lacus as well." His eyes shifted over towards Miriallia. It was then he noticed how distort the young girl was. "Besides, Dearka was obviously foolish enough to fall for the tricks of the Naturals. That's all the reason I need." Miriallia could feel his eyes burning through her. He didn't know her but he seemed to already hate her. "This is your official notice. Tomorrow morning I will be here with soldiers ready to arrest him. If you do not wish to compile I suggest you spend this time preparing for battle."

Everyone was shaking as he walked by and out the door. The parents didn't seem to know what to think, but fear was a definite feeling swirling around the room. Cagalli was the first to snap of of the daze he left them in.

"We need to make preparations." Cagalli announced. "I'll contact Murrue Ramius, sh-"

"No" Dearka interrupted surprising her. "You can't be serious right now. The PLANTs have put forward the first of their demands and you decide to deny them? You're willing to try to protect one life and expense of how many? Don't you get that by doing that you are throwing away everything we all fought so hard for? If you do that all who died for the cause died in vain."

"But Dearka you'll d-"

"I know" He replied seriously. The room went silent once more. He looked over at Miriallia whose tears were flowing down her face. Breaking away from her parents she walked over to the place his father had been standing.

Hugging herself for comfort she said "You promised… " he voice was shaking as tears dripped to the floor. "... That I wouldn't lose you like I lost Tolle. You're not supposed to leave, not like this" Her heartbreak could be felt around the room.

"It's not like with him" he said walking forward, ignoring those around him. "We get to say goodbye." She shook her head like she didn't want to hear it before leaping forward crashing into his chest. He pulled her in tight as she cried.

"It's not enough… 24 hours isn't enough." She sobbed.

"Everything will be okay I promise"

"You can't promise that. Nothing be okay ever again, not after they take you away. I'm not ready for you to die" No one knew what to say as Dearka stood there in silence holding the young sobbing girl. But his face was filled with determination and conviction. One day was all he had left on Earth. There was nothing anyone could do to stop it.


	7. Chapter VI: Goodbye

_**Love Trials**_

* * *

 **Chapter VI: Goodbye**

The day seemed to fly by. The atmosphere in the Mansion was indescribable. Due to the situation the parents were all required to sign confidentiality waivers. After having long talks with their children they left. Shortly after they parted a therapist came in for the first post-war session. The day was truly draining. Miriallia could only watch Dearka as he pretended it was just another day.

They all sat around the large dinner table. It was past ten and everyone had long finished eating. They knew once they went to sleep that was it. When morning would come Dearka would be gone from their lives forever. The PLANTs needed to put blame for the internal turmoil on someone, and he was it. Mir seemed to know this more than anyone, seeming like a zombie for the past couple hours.

"Miriallia?" Kira said. But he received no response. She was in such a state at this point that not even Dearka could get her to speak to him. Standing up he walked over and put his hand reassuringly on her shoulder. "We're going to go to bed now. We'll see you both in the morning."

Everyone got up from the table. Soon it was just the two of them sitting at the table. They both knew that they had limited time left. There was nothing that they could do to fix it.

"I'm sorry" he finally said. She look at him confused.

"Why? What do you have to be sorry for?"

"For coming to Orb, for getting you to even consider there being something between us. If I had just left you would have believed I was living a happy life in the PLANTs."

"Just because it would be easier doesn't mean that it would have been right" she replied. "I wouldn't give the last day and a half up for anything. I'll hold on to those memories forever" She said leaning her head on his shoulder.

"Then I guess I won't really die" she looked up at him strange, unsure of what he meant. "I'll be living on in your memory"

"What if that's not enough" she asked.

"It has to be." he said standing up. Taking hold of her hands he pulled her to her feet.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"I'm tired. And there is no one I'd rather spend my last night on Earth with then you" he leaned towards her a passionately kissed her.

She pulled away, hiding her face she whispered "I think I could have loved you."

It broke his heart to hear her say this. "I think I could have loved you too" kissing her on the forehead he then said. "Maybe in the next life we'll find each other again, and things will work out better for us."

Taking hold of her hand he lead her up to his bedroom. They laid in bed together in silence at first. He didn't like the silence. He didn't want there last night together to be sad and speechless. So he worked his magic and convinced her to talk. They ignored the time as they spoke like two people who were never enemies.

She told him all about growing up in Orb. How she ended up in Heliopolis. That she and the others unknowingly were aiding Morgenroete with development for technology that would be used by the military. She told him about meeting Tolle when they were just kids. That he was her best friend and a relationship just seemed like a natural transition. She was honest with him and explain that she didn't know how she really felt for Tolle. Her true feels were so mixed up between them being friends and the war going on around him.

In exchange he told her things he had never told any girl before. He told her about growing up and the kindness his mother taught him, a kindness his father loathed. He believed kindness was weakness and showed Dearka what that weakness would bring him. He told her how the two of them would get into physical fights that he would always lose. He even revealed he filed and won emancipation the year before he became a ZAFT soldier. She started to see him in a whole new light. His life hadn't been perfect or privileged. He was damaged but amazed her at the same time.

They talked and talked throughout the night until they weren't talking. Their mouths were too busy. Deep passionate kisses and wandering hands were invading the rest of their night. They were done with talking, done with thinking. It was the last time they would be together, the last time he would ever be with anyone. This caused a desperation neither of them had ever felt before.

They didn't sleep that night. After cuddling for a while they put on robes, sat on the balcony and watched the sunrise. "It's beautiful" He whispered being memorized by the yellow, orange and red hues spreading across the sky. He looked over at her and could see how crushed she was. "No tears today okay?" He asked. "It's just going to make it harder to walk away."

"I can't make any promises." She said "But I'll try"

"Thank you"

They waited upstairs as long as they could. Soon the time was there. Time for the final goodbye. They walked down the stairs hand in hand. On each side of the foyer their friends stood. The somber tone was felt by all. Standing in front of the door was Tad Elsman and two ZAFT soldiers, a male and a female. The male soldier Dearka recognized instantly, and fact that he was one of the ones there hurt more than seeing his father. Yzak Joule, he was his former comrade and best friend. Of course his father would insist on bring him.

Dearka chose not to give his father the satisfaction of knowing how much it bothered him. Instead he chose to take his own shot at his father. When he and Miriallia reached the bottom of the stairs his kiss her long and deep. It was to be their last kiss, a final goodbye. When they broke the kiss he leaned his forehead against hers and smiled at her. She then walked over and stood by Sai. Turning toward the three in front of the door he could see the shook on the two ZAFT soldiers face and the anger on his father's.

Ignoring his own anger Tad stepped forward. "Dearka Elsman of ZAFT with these two soldiers as witnesses today you are under arrest for the following offenses: Assisting the enemy, Corresponding with the enemy, Disobeying orders, Failing to rejoin ZAFT Forces after being released from an enemy prison, Taking part in a mutiny, Striking and/or Threatening a superior officer, Refusing to obey a general order, Deserting the military, Along with treason against the PLANTs itself. Now put your hands behind your head and get on your knees."

Dearka held his head up high as slowly placed his hands behind his head. He then knelt down on his knees. His eyes focused on his father as Yzak reluctantly walked forward. He went behind his friend and pulling his arms down bond his hands together. The female soldier then walked forward and help Yzak bring him to his feet.

Once on his feet he spoke "You're going to regret this someday. There will come a day you'll realize I didn't do anything wrong. I protected the PLANTs, helped to save them. And when you finally see that, but it will be too late. I'll be long dead and you'll have to live with the fact that you took your wife's only child away from her for no reason"

"Kristen has no use for a traitor of a son." He confessed.

Dearka smirked. "She would never say something like that. Have you even told her?"

"Enough talk. Hahnenfuss, Joule it's time" He spat in anger. Turning he left out the doors to wait for them outside. The three followed slowly behind, leaving the Attha Mansion.

"I'm sorry… I'll find a way to get you out of this." Yzak promised in a hush tone.

"You and I both know this over for me. Don't risk your future fighting a battle you can't possibly win. I've made my peace with things. I've said my goodbyes."

"That doesn't mean it over" Yzak replied. The last thing he wanted was to watch his friend be executed. Especially after the both made it through the war alive. It wasn't fair. None of it was fair.


	8. Chapter VII: Finding Normal

_****Love Trials****_

* * *

 **Chapter VII: Finding Normal**

It had been a few weeks since Dearka was taken away, and still they had heard nothing on a trial date. Kisaka believed that it would be kept to only to national media within the PLANTs. And with everything going on it was possible a trial date was yet to be set.

In the time since his departure they all tried to get their lives back together. Therapy was a major part of that. They went through both group and individual. In their individual sections they were encouraged to find something in life they could be passionate about. Something they could focus on in their spare time. Cagalli took this as an opportunity to learn the ropes of running her country. Athrun decided to change his name to Alex Dino and train to be her bodyguard. Kira and Lacus spent weekends helping out at an orphanage. While Sai worked on developing computer programs.

Miriallia struggled with what her passion would be. What exactly to occupy her time with. It wasn't until her mother dropped off some of her old stuff that she realized what _it_ was. She looked through an old stack of photos of her and her friends. Documentation of their times together. It was then she realized she didn't have a single photo of Dearka. Nothing to remember the time they spent together. He was dead and gone with nothing to prove he ever excited in her life. It was then she knew what she wanted. She wanted to study photography so she would never miss the chance to document memories again.

She started taking night classes as well as a few on the weekends. She found herself really enjoying them and diving fully in. She was finding her independence. Learning how to be alone. It was helping to bring her smile back.

Another thing suggested by their therapist was to play games typically played by teenagers. They had lost a year of their youth being part of the war, and the therapist suggested trying to reclaim some of that. They were given a list of suggested games to try and after many arguments of which one to play they placed them all in a bowl and picked one out. Much to some of their disappointment they chose Spin the Bottle, the Truth or Dare version. They way they understood it to work one person would spin the bottle. They would then ask the person it landed on to chose truth or dare. The person would then do/answer what the first person told/asked them.

After arguments of who would go first they decided to draw straws. Kira was the lucky winner, although he felt more like he lost. As they sat around the bottle in a circle ready to start the game. Reaching forward he spun the bottle. Everyone watched as it spun and spun until finally slowing down and stopping on the songstress.

"Ah… " He seemed nervous. He didn't really know what to say. Finding his words he asked "Truth or Dare?"

"Truth" She replied smiling.

"Why did you give up singing to fight?"

"My father believed that the war had gone too far. He thought he was powerless to stop it. But I knew with the help of other we could find a way."

"Not will alone nor strength alone" he said smiling at her, she smiled back at him and nodded.

She then reached forward and spun the bottle. After it finished spinning it landed on Cagalli. "Truth or Dare?" she asked.

Not wanting to back down from a challenge she answered "Dare." with determination in her voice.

"Uhh… I dare you to… come to the orphanage with us weekend." she proposed.

"What! I can't leave the Mansion. I'm training fo-."

"So you refuse the dare?" Lacus asked tilting her head.

"What? No...I" She stumbled. "Dammit fine! I'll do it! But you can be the one to explain my little vacation to the representatives" She wasn't looking forward to visiting the orphanage but she thought maybe she could convince Athrun to join her. Then they could spend some time together without the representatives breathing down their necks. Taking a calming breath she grabbed the bottle and spun it. It went around and around, but instead of landing on Kira like she wanted it landed on Mir. "Truth or Dare Miriallia"

"Truth I guess"

"Why did you stay when Orb was being attacked? After everything you were through why keep torturing yourself by putting yourself through more."

"Because Orb is my homeland" She replied very matter of factly.

"That can't be it, there has to be more."

"I guess the truth is after all I saw, and I had been through I was afraid for it all to end. I didn't know what this time would be like, the time after war. I was more afraid of that than anything else." She admitted.

The rest of the evening was filled with questions and dares. At first they were all serious but as the night went on they relaxed a bit and started to ask more 'fun' questions. They even managed to get each other to laugh some. It was a nice change from the seriousness they had been experiencing for the past little while. Ever since Dearka was arrested and taken away there was this unspoken depression affecting them all.

The next spin of the game landed from Sai to Miriallia. After all the questions asked there was one he personally wanted to know more then anything. "Truth or Dare?" He asked. Miriallia had chosen to do both that night. From answering why she continued to fight to being dared to attempting to juggle fruit. He didn't know what she was going to chose but he knew what he wanted her to.

"Truth" She replied.

"What exactly did you and Dearka do together?" He asked seriously. She looked back at him surprised. No one had mentioned Dearka's name in weeks let alone her relationship with him.

"Sai that's out of line" Kira cautioned. "It's none of our business."

"And why not?" Sai demanded. "You weren't there Kira when she lost Tolle" Athrun looked away hearing the name of their friend he had taken away from them. "She was a mess. She hated Dearka so much, and by the time he left here she looked like she was his widow. So what changed, what exactly did he do to you"

"Sai that's enough!" Kira hollered.

"He didn't do anything to me" Miriallia replied looking angry. She couldn't believe he was asking her such a question. Standing up in anger she replied. "If you must know I kissed him first! He wasn't at all who either of us thought he was. He was kind, and brave. He… " She paused struggling to find words. "He sacrificed himself to prevent this war from continuing. Don't you dare tarnish that!" She yelled before storming out of the room.

They sat quietly before Kira said. "She having a hard enough time, why would you bring _him_ up. Either of them."

"Because she is hiding something." Sai said. "I thought that ma-"

"She would tell you because we were playing some stupid childish game. Grow up Sai!" He said standing up and leaving to go find Miriallia. Feeling awkward everyone else soon stood as well and left, leaving Sai alone sitting in front of the bottle.

Kira looked throughout the Mansion for Miriallia. Eventually he noticed she was sitting out in the garden watching the sunset. He didn't know whether to leave her alone or not. But he was worried and decided he needed to at least check on her. He walked out towards her. Hearing his footsteps she turned to look at him. He was surprised to see that she wasn't crying. Maybe she was too angry to he thought.

"Kira, what are you doing out here?" She asked, sliding over on the bench so he could sit as well.

He did so and then replied "I just wanted to check on you. Sai had no right to ask what he did"

"I get why he asked." She admitted looking at the sunset. "I don't get it either sometimes. I never felt any kind of feelings for him, until the day of you all disappeared inside the Mendel Colony. I never felt so alone as I did when I lost his signal. It felt different then when I lost Tolle's, but at the same time it felt similar. I tried to ignore it but I couldn't. Things happened that night between us. After that I was scared and tried to push him away. I didn't want to fall for him, not when he could die in the war. When it was finally over and things calmed down I decided to give into those feelings. But guess that was a mistake."

"Was it?" Kira asked, she looked at him questioningly. "I know it must be hard to lose someone again so soon, but he got to spend the last of his life feeling loved."

"He's spent it scared." Mir retorted. "Whether he showed it or not that had to be how he felt. And for his father and best friend to be the one to take him away… I can't imagine how he must have felt."

"I know you don't want to hear it but you have to move on from him." He insisted.

"I know. I'm trying. But it's almost like something inside me is stopping me from do so"

* * *

The next morning Miriallia woke up to discover Sai had left the Mansion. He had made arrangements with Kisaka to be able to go home and continue therapy on his own with a new shrink. Miriallia couldn't help but be a bit relieved. She didn't really wish to talk to him any time soon. She needed time to cool down before seeing him once more.

In therapy they were encouraged to now find activities to do with others. Kira and Athrun began playing videogames together, just like they used to when they were 10. At first Lacus struggle to find her activity, until she discovered the joy of cooking. She started spending time with the cooks in the Athha Mansion. This proved helpful when it came to visiting the orphanage. She was able to contribute more and more every day with everything she was learning. As for Cagalli and Miriallia they decided to take up running. It was a great way to work out the frustrations they both had.

Cagalli wasn't permitted to leave the property and so they could only run the trails around the gardens. It was a beautiful place for them to run. Through the weeks that passed they found themselves becoming close friends as they talked through their issues. "They are just a bunch of old stiffs" Cagalli complained referring to the representatives in Orb that was teaching her the ropes of being a leader.

"It's important what you're learning" Miriallia replied. "They just want to make sure you… that you… understand that" She said slowing down. Cagalli slowed down to and looked at her friend.

"Mir are you okay?" She asked concerned.

"Yeah… I'm fine. I just need some water I think" She laughed brushing it off like it was nothing.

"Let's get back to the Mansion then" She suggested. Miriallia nodded in agreeance. She stood up straight as they headed back. As walked towards the large house Miriallia started to feel woozy again. She stopped in her tracks. Cagalli turned to ask if she was okay but before she could say anything she crashed to the ground unconscious. "Miriallia!"

Mir woke up in an unknown place laying on a bed. She turned her head and could see her parents were speaking with a doctor. He handed them some pamphlets before walking away. She could tell her father was angry while her mother just looked disappointed. They looked into the room. Seeing their daughter was awake her father stormed off while her mother walked in. Miriallia couldn't help but be confused.

"Hi darling, how are you feeling?" She asked.

Mir sat up in the bed and replied "Tired and a little confused to be honest."

"Have have you been eating lately? Have you been eating enough?" She asked concerned.

"Huh? Yeah, I mean I've been kind of working through a bit of the flu but other than that I've been eating fine" She explained.

"So what you're saying is that you've been feeling sick lately"

"On and off" She admitted. "Mom what is all this about? Where am I? What's going on?"

"You fainted in the gardens of the Athha Mansion. They rushed you to a nearby hospital. You're in a bed in the emergency room." She explained.

"What's wrong with me?" She questioned. "Why did dad storm of like that?"

"I don't really know how to say it" At loss for words she handed her one of the pamphlets. Miriallia looked at it with her eyes wide in disbelief. "You're going to be a mother."


	9. Chapter VIII: Announcing the News

_****Love Trials****_

* * *

 **Chapter VIII: Announcing the News**

Miriallia arrived back at the Mansion the next day completely torn at what to do. She had spend the night had her childhood home with her parents discussing the situation she was in. Her father wanted her to either end the pregnancy or at least give the baby up. The last thing he wanted was for his little girl's life to be more damaged than it already was. Her mother on the other hand wanted her to follow her heart and do whatever she felt was right. But she didn't know what was the right thing to do.

When she thought about it she couldn't possibly end this pregnancy. Dearka was gone and this baby was the last connection he had to the world. But when it came to raising them or giving them up to a good home she didn't know where she landed. She was only 16, she wasn't ready to be a mother. She didn't even know if she could look at someone who resembled him. She was so confused.

She decided not to trouble the others with her problem. Instead she just told them she passed out from dehydration. She hid her prenatals from them and pretended everything was normal. She wasn't ready to deal with it, with any of it.

As the weeks passed she tried to continue to run with Cagalli. She managed for a while but was finding it difficult to keep up the pace. She decided instead to start learning to cook with Lacus. If she was going to possibly raise a child she needed to learn such skills she thought. Cagalli was confused at first by Mir's decision but noticing she seemed to be struggling with something she didn't question it.

As the days passed and Miriallia talked privately with the therapist she made a decision, one she felt she needed to tell everyone. The doctor set up a group session, one Mir asked them not to be a part of. The therapist voiced her concerns about her doing it alone but she insisted it was something she had to do. So here she sat with her friends sitting across from her. Two couples that seemed to just being getting closer and closer together, while she was just alone.

"Where's the doctor?" Cagalli asked looking around.

"They left" Miriallia replied. "I… I wanted to talk to all of you alone."

"About what?" Kira asked.

"About my trip to the hospital a few weeks ago." She took a deep breath nervous about the confession she was about to make. "I didn't exactly tell the truth about it." She admitted. Nervously she tucked her hair behind her ear. "I wanted to make up my mind about my situation first."

"Your situation?" Cagalli questioned.

"I'm pregnant" She confessed.

"What?!" They all yelled in surprise.

"Who's the father?" Kira demanded in shock.

"I think you know who is" She replied. "My father wants me to give the baby up, but I can't. He's gone and this baby… " She said placing her hand on her stomach. "It's the only thing left of him in this World. I can't let someone else raise them."

"Miriallia you understand what that means?" Kira asked. "You're 16"

"I'm well aware of how old I am, but that doesn't make a difference."

"She's right" Lacus said. "This is her decision. Now that she has made a choice she has to follow through. Congratulations Miriallia, I know this may not have been planned but I know you will make a wonderful mother."

"Thank you Lacus" Miriallia responded, feeling a bit better about her situation.

"Have you told your parents of your final decision" Kira wondered.

She nodded sadly. "A couple days ago. My father asked that I not come to visit again until I change my mind." she recalled. "My mother was at least supportive. Guess that's why I decided to tell all of you, hoping for some emotional support or something."

"We're here for you" Athrun said. "Whatever you need we're here."

"Thank you Athrun"

Weeks passed as Miriallia stomach began to grow. Her mother remained part of her life driving her to her appointments while her father kept his distance. It saddened her to think their relationship was fractured but she tried her best to ignore it. Instead she focused on the positive news that the baby was growing and healthy. She had even been able to hear the strong heartbeat. She had chosen, for now, not to find out the gender. She wanted it to be a surprise, the first good surprise in a long time.

They had all finished therapy but continued to stay with Cagalli until they could figure what to do next with their lives. Before they all knew it it was only two short weeks until Christmas. Almost three months had passed since the ceasefire. Although the treaty had yet to be signed according to Cagalli they were close. It was good news Mir thought. The last thing she wanted was to bring a baby into a World at war.

For the first time in so long she found herself looking forward to a holiday. Christmas had always been her favourite time of year. It was a wonderful time that always seemed to bring families closer together. And with how incredibly decorated the Athha Mansion was she knew it would be one to remember.

The all stood around the large tree decorating it. They giggled as Cagalli bickered back and forth with Athrun on where the decorations should hang. Meanwhile Kira and Miriallia enjoyed Lacus singing classic Christmas Carols while string popcorn together. They were all lost in the spirit of Christmas until Athrun's cell began to ring.

Pulling it out of his pocket he looked at it strange. "Who is it" Cagalli asked seeing his facial expression.

"I don't know. It's a private number" he said as he answered. "Hello?"

" _Athrun…"_ the voice on the other line seemed to pause for a second as if hesitating before they continue to speak. "... _please don't say anything, just listen"_

The color drained from his face. He looked as if he had seen a ghost. The person on the other end sounded so weak but more importantly incredibly familiar. "I'm listening" he replied in a serious tone.

" _Come to the Olofat shuttle port. I need you to do this no questions asked. Don't speak a word of this to anyone. There's… there's not much time."_ Before Athrun could say something the line went dead. He removed the phone from his ear and brought it down to his side.

"Athrun?" Cagalli questioned. "What's going on"

"He… he's alive" he whispered under his breath in shock.

"What did you say?" She demanded unable to hear what he said.

"I'm sorry I need to go" he blurted rushing out of the room.

"Athrun?!" Cagalli yelled but he had left so fast he didn't hear her. "What the hell was that all about?" She wandered out loud.

"Whatever it was it seemed serious" Kira replied heading for the door.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"There's still time, I'm going to follow him"

"You sure that is the best idea?"

"Whatever that call was about he looked worried. I'm not going to leave him alone to deal with it"

They didn't know what _it_ was, but they were soon going to find out. Good or bad their lives we about to be shaken once more.


	10. Chapter IX: Imprisonment

_****Love Trials****_

* * *

 **Chapter IX: Imprisonment  
*** Three Months Ago *****

Dearka watched as the sights of Olofat city passed him. The Capital of Orb, the place would always have a special place in his heart. He knew he would remember it fondly until the day he died, even if that day came sooner rather than later. When they arrived at the shuttle port Dearka was taken to a private area where they would leave for Carpentaria base, and later the PLANTs. When they sat on the shuttle he was left alone with Yzak. His father and the other soldier sat in the front while the other two sat in the back. Maybe it was a bit of his father's kindness, allowing him on last chat with his friend.

"Did you know?" Dearka whispered.

"Not at first" He revealed. "Hahnenfuss told me shortly before we arrived, at that point it was too late to warn you."

"Would you have?" He asked looking at him from the corner of his eye. "I am a traitor after all"

"I'll deny I ever said this but… you were right. The PLANTs had gone too far. You fought to protect them just as much as I did right up until the end. But they will never see it that way."

"I realize that." Dearka confessed. "Guess this is the end. It was an honor fight alongside you"

When they arrived in the PLANTs Dearka was quickly taken away by other officers to the Aprilius One base. Yzak departed for the base as well. Upon arrival he was instructed that he would be taking his mother's place on the council for the time being, including voting rights.

Dearka walked down the empty halls of the base. His hands freshly re-tied against his back. He was being guided with guns pointing at him. He held his head high as he passed many soldiers of different ranks. It wasn't the first time he had been in a situation like this. But being a prisoner this time was different. Last time he didn't know what fate held in store for him, this time he knew. Once he was officially found guilty the penalty would be his life. But even knowing this he refused to let them see him flinch.

When they reached the cell the commanding officer in charge of the soldiers watching over him excused them. "You are all dismissed, I will take the first watch. Major Allard you will take the next watch in four hours time."

"Yes Sir" The soldiers said saluting before they left.

The commander walked slowly into the cell where Dearka stood. He gave him a look of hate. "So you going to remove these?" Dearka questioned referring to the ropes tightly around his wrists. But instead the commander grabbed hold of his shirt and threw him hard against the wall, knocking the wind out of him. "Ah" Dearka gasped as his body hit the floor hard. "What the hell?" He asked as he tried to get up.

He was stopped when the commander started stomping on his already bruised chest. Dearka screamed out in pain as he moved on to kicking him in the stomach then face. When he was finally finished Dearka laid there with broken ribs, bloody and bruised. "You are a disgrace to your people." The commander spat in disgust before leaving him all alone on the floor.

Dearka tried to move but he was still tied and now injured. So instead he laid there trying to endure the pain.

 ***** Two and a Half Months Later *****

Kristen Elsman stormed down the halls of the Aprilius One base, her husband following close behind. Soldiers saluted quickly as they passed. She looked angry and full of determination. She only just discovered her son was in the PLANTs. Her husband had managed to keep it a secret for a long time, but she could tell he was hiding something. When she discovered what it was they were on the first shuttle to Aprilius.

They made their way down the hallway where the prison cells were. Standing guard were two young privates. When they spotted them they quickly saluted. "Move aside" She commanded.

"S-sorry Ma'am… but we have direct orders from Commander Chamberlain not to let anyone through" one of them stuttered.

"Guess you haven't heard. Commander Chamberlain was just charged with being one of radicals responsible in the death of former Chairman Siegel Clyne. As such he has been striped of his position and awaiting trial." She informed him. "Now move aside and let me see my son!"

"Ma'am if that is true you are still just a civilian you don't have the authority to make that decision"

Turning around she gave her husband a pleading look. Reluctantly he said "Do as my wife says"

"Yes Sir" They replied saluting.

They quickly unlocked it and Kristen walked inside. Hearing her scream Tad ran in after her. He was shocked at the sight. There his wife was kneeling at Dearka side crying. His body looked limp. He was unconscious and covered in dry blood.

"Who did this?!" He demanded angry at seeing his distort wife.

"W-we don't know. We were under orders never to enter the cell..."

"By who?" he spat

"C-commander Chamberlain sir"

"Tad we can't leave him her." she begged through her tears. "He needs medical attention. He doesn't look like he's hasn't eaten in awhile. Don't let his last days be like this"

 ***** A Week Later *****

Dearka slowly opened his eyes. He felt groggy and tired. Hearing a beeping noise he looked over. There he saw a heart rate monitor. " _Where am I?_ " he questioned to himself. Feeling a sudden pounding headache he attempted to reach up only to be stopped by a handcuff attaching his wrist to the side of the bed. He couldn't help but be confused.

"You're awake." Hearing a voice he turned his head towards the window. There leaning against the wall was Yzak. "The man who did this to you has been arrested on other charges. We've ensured his treatment of you has been added to his list of offenses." He explained.

He just stared at Yzak. He was wearing a white ZAFT uniform. Dearka couldn't help but be surprised. "You're a commander now" Was his only response.

"Yes… not that it can do me any good. I tried my best… but your trial is still happening. I couldn't get any of the charges dropped. You only have a few weeks"

"It's… okay Yzak." He said smiling at his friend. "I've had a lot of time to think, and I think it will be all ok."

"If they find you guilty"

"They will… I've already accepted that." Dearka replied with conviction in his voice. "Which is why I need you to do something for me. I know you have a vote towards what happens to me. And when you do vote… say that I am guilty"

"Dearka you're insane! There is no way that I'm doing that!" He insisted.

"You have to Yzak, for your own safety. You are new to the council. This is not the time to rock the boat. I'm sure you've caused enough of an uproar by moving me here. They all already have their minds made up about me. This trial, is merely formality. My own father is going to vote guilty. If you stand against that you're just going to put your own loyalty into question."

"I'm not going to be responsible for you dieing!" Yzak argued.

"You're not. One vote can't change this. They need someone to blame. I'm just the easy choice right now. I'm going to be sentenced anyways, so promise you will be on the side of the vote you need to be on to make a difference in the future."

"You can't expect me to do that. You are my friend" Yzak said angry.

"I'm a traitor. You've said and believed it once you just need to convince yourself of it again." Silence grew between them. Yzak couldn't even look at his friend after such a request. Finally after some time Dearka asked "How did you get me moved here anyway?"

"It was on your father's orders" he informed him. Dearka looked confused until Yzak added. "Of course he was following the orders of your mother."

"Please tell me she didn't see me like this"

"I'm sorry"

"I was hoping he would have been able to keep it from her." Dearka said honestly. "I didn't want her to find out I was alive only to discover I would die soon."

Yzak was about to reply when a young woman in a ZAFT uniform came to the door. She saluted him before entering. Dearka recognized her immediately, she was the female soldier involved in his arrest. "Commander Joule I'm here to relieve you"

"Thank you… Hahnenfuss" Dearka could hear the nervousness in his voice. It was as if there was more going on between them. It didn't take a genius to figure out what was going on.

Once Yzak was gone he spoke. "I suppose you were listening to everything outside the door"

"And if I was?" She spat.

"Then you know I'm right" Dearka said looking towards the girl. "My trial has been set. In two weeks I will stand in front of the council and plead my case. But we both know it will be futile. You need to convince that man of yours to vote against me no matter what."

"M-my man?" She blurted.

"Please, don't act all shocked. I could see it as soon as you walked into the room. Yzak Joule doesn't lose his cool around anyone, yet with you he was practically stuttering."

"I'm just his subordinate."

"But you were more, am I right?"

"That doesn't matter anymore"

"You hold power over him still, I can tell. He holds on hard to his feelings. It how he forged through the war with such passionate anger. If you ever meant a little something to him, than you still do. So convince him to vote against me."

"If he does, if you die… he'll blame me or himself." she argued.

"And what good will it do if he votes to save me?" Dearka snapped back. "It will show them that now matter what bullshit I pull his true allegiance will always be to me. He is a proud ZAFT soldier and always will be. But if he votes for me his career and life as a soldier will be over. They will destroy him. You need to save him from himself!"

"You really think it will be that easy to convince him. Just like that I'm suppose to walk up to him and tell him you're right."

"I'm sure with a bit of womanly charm you can convince him." He said seriously. "After all Yzak, at heart, is just a horny teenage boy with way too much power at his fingertip. And a beautiful girl such as yourself can use that to your advantage." Shiho blushed at this. Was he actually asking her to sleep with her commander to get him to do what he wanted?

"Like I said before that's part of our lives together is over. He is my commander nothing more now." she protested.

"Fine if that is what you want. But a little advice… if you care about him as anything more than a friend then don't let him being your superior officer stop you. Lie, cheat, steal, do whatever it takes to enjoy every moment you can together. Because you never know when life is going to snatch you away from each other."

"He won't betray you."

"If he goes against my wishes then he will"


	11. Chapter X: Trial of Betrayal

_****Love Trials****_

* * *

 **Chapter X: Trial of Betrayal**

Dearka walked side by side Shiho, behind Yzak, as they entered the council building. It was the first time since his imprisonment on the ARCHANGEL that he was able to wear his red ZAFT uniform. He was being tried as a soldier, which meant wearing the uniform of one. His injuries were still healing but it didn't stop him from holding his head high with confidence.

Yzak however didn't feel as confident, although it didn't show. Dressed in his councilman's uniform he felt like he was leading his friend to slaughter. He knew what was going to happen in there. After the many meetings he had prior to now he knew what everyone was leaning towards. This was just to make the decision final and official.

They waited together in the empty waiting room outside of the council's chambers. Soon Yzak was excused to join the others and it was just Dearka and Shiho left in the room. "Is he going to do it?" He questioned without looking at her.

"He knows what he needs to do." She informed him. "That doesn't mean it's what you want. We have no say in it. Commander Joule is his own person after all."

"You're right... Listen when this is all over, please take care of him for me."

"Humm..?"

"He needs people like us to keep him level headed. With me gone it will be up to you."

"I think I might be able to handle that." She said with confidence. "But don't give up just yet. Plead for forgiveness. Tell them you know what you did was wrong, that you regret it. Give yourself a chance."

Hearing a door open they turned their heads. "They're ready for him" A soldier announced entering the room. Dearka stood up and turned to Shiho.

"I will not beg for my life, nor will I lie. I did the right thing. And that is what I will tell them"

"You're a fool!" She spat.

"Maybe. But I am a fool who was willing to die for this cause once. The war may be over but my belief is not." She watched him walk off thinking it would be the last time. To her Dearka was walking off to his death.

* * *

He stood in front of the whole council as well as some high ranking ZAFT soldiers. All eyes on him, judging him already without ever hearing his defense. Eileen Canaver, the acting Chairwoman, soon stood to start the trial.

"Dearka Elsman of ZAFT, son of Tad and Kristen Elsman of Februarius City, you stand here today accused of the following: Assisting the enemy, Corresponding with the enemy, Disobeying orders, Failing to rejoin ZAFT Forces after being released from an enemy prison, Taking part in a mutiny, Striking and/or Threatening a superior officer, Refusing to obey a general order, Deserting the military, Along with treason against the PLANTs itself. How do you plead"

"Guilty..." He replied sending shockwaves across the room. The room was a roar of whispers. No one expected such an answer. They all expected him to deny it until his dying breath. Dearka looked at Yzak, he could see how horrified he was. "... and I have no regrets." He added.

"Dearka, you understand what you are say right?" she urged.

"Yes" He said with confidence. "All of you have come here today with your mind's made up about me already. The truth is I was a prisoner of the LCAM-01XA code name ARCHANGEL. On April 17th, 71 CE I surrendered to the enemy. On June 15th, 71 CE I was released. I had the chance to come back to ZAFT, but I chose instead to fight alongside them because I didn't want them to die. I fought to protect the ARCHANGEL, a choice I will never regret. I would die for those on that ship. These charges I've been given… honestly many are a load bullshit. Something to grantee my fate. But the charges about helping the rebel alliance are completely true. And that is why I chose to plead guilty."

"Then we make our decision earlier than expected." She said as she looked at the council. They all looked down at the controls in front of them. There were two buttons, one to say they thought he was guilty and another to say he was innocent. He watched Yzak, their eyes locked for a second, then Yzak turned his eyes unable to look at him. He then nodded slightly. Dearka knew in that moment Shiho had convinced him to do as he asked. He then looked at his father, whom was looking down at him. He looked confident but disappointed. Dearka closed his eyes and took a deep breath ready to hear the results. "Dearka Elsman the results are in. With a 11 to 1 vote we the council find you… GUILTY of all charges." Dearka was confused at the vote, looking up at Yzak he could tell he was confused as well… was it possible, was the one vote not his? "As a penalty for your crimes we have no choice but to sentence you to execution by firing squad." She informed him. She lifted her gavel and was about to bang it to make the sentence offical when she was interrupted.

"Wait!" One of the councilman yelled. "May I say something first?" He pleaded.

"Councilman Durandal this is highly unorthodox, but… I suppose everything lately has been. I will grant your request, please speak your piece but remain brief." She instructed.

"Thank you Chairwoman Canaver." He cleared his throat and began "Are you all really ready to condemn this young man to death so quickly?" He questioned. "Youths such as him shouldn't be punished for the actions started by their leaders. Everything they have been through makes them the ones we should entrust the future with, not steal it from them." Dearka looked at him shocked. "I propose a new vote. Dearka Elsman is indeed guilty, but death does not have to be the response. Perhaps instead being exiled from the PLANTs is the correct course of action?"

* * *

Dearka tossed his clothes violently into his duffle bag, packing as quickly as he could. "Dearka please calm down." a woman begged grabbing hold of his hand.

"He's my father!" He yelled tears at the corner of his eyes. "My own father voted for me to be killed. I'm sorry Mother but I am getting away from him as fast as I can. The least you can do is ensure he doesn't find me again!" He said pulling his arm away from her to finish packing.

"Yzak voted against you too!"

"I begged him to vote against me. Because I wanted him to make a name for himself in ZAFT, one where I'm not pulling him down. He cares for and respects me, that more than I can say about that man."

"Tad is your father"

"He never has been one to me." He spat. "Besides legally I'm not his responsibility anymore. He lost that right a long time ago"

"Dearka, he loves you." She tried to assure him.

"Bullshit! If I had a son I would never do any of the things he did to me growing up. None of it was okay, couldn't you see that?" he begged.

"I'm sorry Dearka, I… I just didn't know what to do" she replied sadly as she remembered all the times she should have stood up for her child.

He shook his head "I need to go." He said seriously, he needed this conversation to just end. "Yzak is waiting outside. I need to be at the shuttle port soon, remember?"

Nodding she said "I'm going to miss you"

"I know mother" he replied loving hugging her. Despite everything in his childhood he still loved her.

"I have everything set for you in Orb. A home, a car and full bank account. You'll have no worries. Just live a happy life ok?" She said pulling away from him to give him one last look.

"Thank you mother."

Dearka walked outside his duffle bag slung on his shoulder. There Yzak waited leaning against his car. Dearka just smiled a fake little smile and got it. It was the first time they had seen each other since the votes. Yzak still didn't know how to feel about it all. He had voted for his friend to die, then moments later a new vote was proposed: Execution or Exile. He never wanted his friend to die, so putting his career at risk he voted to Exile him. The vote was 7 to 5 in favor of removing Dearka from the PLANTs.

They drove in silence for a few minutes before Yzak finally spoke. "How are you feeling? The doctor said your ribs were healing well" He said trying to make small talk. During Dearka's initial imprisonment his ribs were broken by a Commander who decided to take the law into his own hands with several beatings over the course of his imprisonment. He was left there for weeks without treatment. This caused his ribs to start to heal incorrectly. Once hospitalized they were re-broken and re-set. He was still in the process of healing from the whole ordeal.

Dearka didn't respond, he just watched as the sights of his homeland passed him by. Silence grew between them again until Dearka asked "Why didn't you do what I ask?"

"What do you mean? He replied looking at him from the corner of his eye. "I wasn't that vote, I thought you would have figured out it was Durandal."

"I'm not talking about the first vote."

"You can't be serious. If I didn't vote the way I did then it would have been a tie. Who know what would have happened. You may have been facing a firing squad right now!" He argued in anger.

"Maybe that would have been better" Dearka spat. "Because the price of my survival isn't worth paying."

"What are you talking about? What are you telling me!" He demanded.

Dearka went silent, reluctant to answer. "Just watch who you put your trust in, okay."

Yzak wanted to press him more but something told him it was better not to. "Will you return to your Natural?" He asked trying to change the subject as they pulled into the parking lot. He was doing his best to hide the disgust in his voice. The thought of a Natural and Coordinator together was against everything they were ever taught.

"She's not mine to return to." He said seriously as he unbuckled. "It's better for her if we never see each other again. She thinks I'm dead, I plan to keep it that way." Reaching to the back seat he grabbed his duffle bag ready to leave, but before he could get out Yzak grabbed hold of it. Dearka gave him a questioning look as he raised an eyebrow in confusion. "What are you doing?"

"You can't tell me she means nothing to you. When you were unconscious in the hospital you used to moan her name from time to time. If she was on your mind then then she means something to you."

"She was a mistake I couldn't get out of my head that's all" he argued ripping his bag from Yzak's grip. Getting out of the car he slung it bag over his shoulder. Yzak too got out of the vehicle and just stared at his friend.

"I've known you since we were little kids" he stated.

"So?" Dearka commented looking back at him.

"Means I know you well enough to know when you're lying."

"Then you should also know me well enough to know when to stay out of my business. Especially a relationship you don't even care about."

"Because you stay out of mine" Yzak retorted.

"From now on yeah, it's over Yzak. I'm out of here and out of your hair. You better hope for everyone's sake that I never step foot in the PLANTs again."

"I don't know what the hell that is supposed to mean, but you've been exiled by the council. You can never return."

"You know what they say. Never say never." With that he turned around and started walking towards the building, leaving Yzak to struggle to figure out what Dearka was trying to tell him.

Dearka left on the shuttle to Earth shortly after, landing at the ZAFT base in Carpinteria. In the short layover before going to Orb he couldn't help but wonder 'what if'. What if that day in Orb he left and went back to the base instead of continuing to fight. Where would he be right now? Would he be a Commander like Yzak? Would he have died? Would Miriallia be dead?

Miriallia… he wanted so much to hold her in his arms again. Yzak was right. She meant something to him. Lots actually. She meant more to him than any girl ever had. But he had made a decision. He wasn't going to be part of her life anymore. Once he made it to Orb he would stay far away from her. Let her live her own uncomplicated life.

About an hour or so after arriving in Carpentaria he left for Orb from a nearby shuttle port. The trip was short. Two hours later the shuttle landed in the same port he had left from. When he made his way into the lobby he was surprised. There was so many people. A lot had changed in the last three months. The once empty port was now filled with people happily traveling.

He walked out the doors and took a quick look around. The sun was bright in the sky. He could hear people talking and laughing together as they walked by. It was so peaceful. He couldn't help but smile to himself. " _I made the right choice"_ he thought. Choosing to stay with the ARCHANGEL, if it at all had to do with this peace any punishment had to be worth it right?

Looking over at the end of the parking lot he saw a shuttle car depository. Deciding that was the best way to get to the apartment his mother set up for him he started to walk across the parking lot. As he walked he started to have a strange feeling. A feeling like he was being followed. A tried to shake the feeling off but he couldn't. His instincts told him something was wrong.

Whoever was following him he needed to shake them. He took a turn weaving back and forth in between several cars. It didn't seem to work. He still felt like he was being followed. Before he knew it he had walked through a maze of cars and was almost back to the building. Stopping suddenly he turned around but no one was there. He didn't understand. He could have sworn he was being followed.

Mentally shaking it off he decided to he was just being paranoid. But as he was about to take a step forward he felt as sharp pain in his lower back. He looked down to see blood slowly staining his shirt. Before he had time to react he felt the sharp pain a few more times before going numb and falling to his knees. He turned and saw a set of legs. Slowly he lifted his head up to look at his attacker. His eyes opened wide when he realized who it was.

"You? Why?" He questioned.

The person leaned down, placing the knife against Dearka's cheek he whispered "So you don't forget what the future Chairman told you. Let these scars be a reminder, no matter where you are or how far you go I will find you. And if you choose to refuse to fulfill your end of the deal _her_ punishment will be far worse than this" pulling a cell phone out of his pocket he tossed it in front of Dearka. Standing up he said "Call 911, if you really want to be the center of a police investigation. Or take your chances and try the first number on the speed dial. If they come in time maybe they can save your life."

Dearka stared angrily as the person walked away. Trying to take a deep breath he swallowed his pride and reached for the cell. He knew the guy was right. Calling 911 was a mistake. But the speed dial seemed like a trap. He didn't have time to debate. He was losing blood and fast. Pressing the speed dial he waited for someone to pick up.

" _Hello_?" Dearka couldn't believe his ears. He didn't want him or any of them to know he was alive. He thought about hanging up right away but he couldn't. He needed help and he needed it now.

"Athrun… please don't say anything, just listen" he begged. He could hear the weakness in his own voice as it cracked.

" _I'm listening"_ Athrun replied in a serious tone.

"Come to the Olofat shuttle port. I need you to do this no questions asked. Don't speak a word of this to anyone. There's… there's not much time." hanging up the phone he struggled to get to the side of the building. He needed to get out of sight and hope Athrun could find him in time.


	12. Chapter XI: Saving A Friend

_****Love Trials****_

* * *

 **Chapter XI: Saving A Friend**

Athrun couldn't believe the phone call he had received. It was brief and the voice was low and weak, but he knew it was _him._ Dearka Elsman was alive. He didn't know how but he was. Driving to the shuttle port he was so distracted in his thoughts he didn't notice the car following close behind him. Once he arrived he parked and headed into the building. He asked around seeing if anyone had seen someone matching Dearka's description but no luck. After a while he exited the building to search the perimeter.

When he walked through the doors he was surprised to see Kira. "What? Kira?"

"Hey Athrun"

"You followed me!" He said outraged.

"You left in such a hurry I was worried. What is going on? What was that phone call about?"

"I'm sorry I don't have time to explain, not that I could if I wanted to." He insisted "I need to find him" He said pushing past Kira.

"Find who?" He demanded. Athrun didn't answer. He seemed to have noticed something over next to the building. Walking over he bent down to the ground. He reached his hand out and wiped his finger across the pavement. Looking at them they were red. "Is that blood?" Kira questioned.

"Yes and it looks like there is a trail headed towards that alley"

"Athrun… who are you after?" he asked worried of what they were getting into.

"There's no time Kira, if you really need to know then come with me" Without waiting for a response he stood up and ran towards the direction the blood was leading him. Kira followed closely behind. They ran down the alley. He stopped dead in his tracks looking down the alley. There wasn't much down there, only some old pallets, bags of trash and a big dumpster. On the other side of the dumpster however, they could see a set of legs. "Oh my god!" Athrun said running forward once more. Kira reluctantly followed behind. He looked around the dumpster Kira couldn't believe who he was seeing. "Dearka!" Athrun cried out.

Dearka was lying unconscious against the brick wall. Beside him was a cell phone that had been smashed along with duffle bag covered in ripped up clothes. Around Dearka's waist was several tattered pieces of material wrapped tightly around, blood slowly seeping through. Athrun dropped to his knees ready to check for signs of life.

"Is he alive?" Kira questioned.

Athrun reached out and touched Dearka's neck, checking for a pulse. After a few second he dropped his hand and looked back at his friend. "Yes… but his pulse is weak."

"We need to call an ambulance." Kira suggested.

"No." Athrun replied surprising his friend.

"Athrun he'll die if we don't"

"Kira he called me for a reason. He had access to a phone and he didn't call for one. Think about it. He's supposed to be dead, yet somehow he's here."

"You think he escaped the PLANTs?" Kira theorized.

"Honestly I don't know what to think. But I know you're right, he needs help. We should take him to Morgenroete. There are doctors there that can help, ones that will keep this situation to themselves."

"Athrun, are you sure about this?"

"What other choice do we have. If he's run off from the PLANTs then Cagalli can't know that he's here. It could put the peace treaty at risk. Besides he doesn't have time for us to argue."

Kira knew he was right. "What do you need me to do"

* * *

They waited outside the examination room for news on Dearka. It had been over four hours since they had brought him in, and they still were waiting. They spent most of the time dodging calls on their cells and trying to figure out what to do about the Dearka situation. The problem was they didn't know anything really about the situation to know what to do about it. They didn't know why he was in Orb, never mind who would have attacked him. Then there was the cell he smashed. After messing around with it Athrun figured out it was a disposable with only his number programmed into it. It didn't make any sense. Athrun had only had that number for a short while, after Dearka's arrest. They could only hope that when Dearka woke up he could clear things up a little.

After another hour passed Erica Simmons entered the room. They both stood immediately to greet her. "How is he?" Athrun asked.

"He's doing well. He lost a lot of blood, but luckily not enough to require a transfusion. His wounds weren't nearly as bad as they seemed. Whoever attacked him must not have wanted him dead, perhaps it was just a warning."

"What makes you think that?" Kira questioned.

"There was no defensive wounds. They were able to sneak up and attack a trained former ZAFT soldier. Someone with skills like that, they could have killed him. Instead they missed all vital organs and major vessels."

Confused Athrun asked "Do you think it was another ZAFT soldier? If it was why wouldn't they take him back to the PLANTs if he escaped."

"Because he didn't escape." She informed them. Seeing their confusion she explained. "I had Andrew Waltfeld get in touch with the contacts he still has in the PLANTs. Dearka's trial was a week ago. He was found guilty by a vote of 11 to 1. From what I hear both his father and Yzak Joule voted for his execution."

"I don't understand, Dearka is Yzak's best friend. Even after everything that happened in the war Yzak would never" Athrun argued.

"He did, for whatever reason. But that wasn't the only vote. Another one was proposed afterwards. A choice between execution and exile. When the vote was over it was decided he would be exiled to Orb. Cagalli Yula Attha was supposed to be contacted to have someone greet Dearka upon his arrival, but someone stopped the communication from going through. Someone with high security clearance."

"And you think that someone attacked Dearka"

"Either they did it themselves or had someone do it for them. It's unclear at this point. All we know is that there were many who were outraged at his sentencing."

"Why only injure him, if they thought he should have been executed why not take matters into their own hands." Kira proposed.

"Why not asked him yourself?" Erika suggested. "The doctor told me when I left that he was starting to wake up. Maybe he could fill in the blanks"

Athrun decided it was best if he went to talk to Dearka alone, after all he was supposed to go alone in the first place. He walked into the examination room. As he did Dearka turned his head to look at him. He looked weak and tired but alive. He couldn't help but notice the various scar on his body, scars he didn't remember seeing before. "How are you feeling?" He asked.

"I'm feeling like that isn't the question you really want to ask." He replied slowly sitting up on the bed. He grunted in pain as he did so.

"Who attacked you"

"Why do you care? He's gone, that's all that matters."

"I care because I'm worried they'll come back to finish the job." Athrun retorted.

"He finished the job, call it a warning. If I ever try to step foot on ZAFT or PLANT territory again they end me." He lied.

"So it's true then. You're free."

"Yeah I guess so." Dearka looked around the room a bit before asking "This isn't a hospital is it?"

"No, I thought since you contact me instead of an ambulance you might have been on the run." he explained. "How exactly did you get my number anyway?"

Dearka just smirked. "I was tricked." Shaking his head he stood up. "I didn't want any of you to know I was alive and now you know. You have to promise me you won't tell anyone else about this. About any of it. Just let them think I'm dead." He begged.

"Why would you want that?" Athrun responded. "What about Miriallia."

"What about her? She going to have a better life without me in it. Everything terrible that has happened in her life happened from the day we invaded Heliopolis. Maybe with me gone from it she can starting finding a normal life again. I'm sure she's back with her family now living a happy life" Seeing a strange look on Athrun's face he asked "What's wrong? Did something happen to her?" he said feeling worried.

"She's still living at the Mansion" He informed him.

"She's still in therapy" He remarked.

"No… she just has no place to go. Her father won't let her come home." Dearka looked at him confused. From what he saw that day their parents all came her father was very loving. Holding her like she was the most precious thing in the world he would never let go again. So why wouldn't he let her come home?

"Athrun… what aren't you telling me"

"I think whatever you had planned you need to forget it. Miriallia needs you now. She thinks you're dead and she feels alone."

"Athrun I can't. It's not that simple."

"Why not?" He demanded.

"How about the fact that someone literally stabbed me in that back this morning."

"You said they were gone and wouldn't try it again." he argued.

"I can't see her!" Dearka yelled. "Athrun don't you get it? The last time I saw her I thought I was saying goodbye to her forever. I thought I was going to die. I had 24 hours to figure out what she meant to me and walk away from it. For almost three months I waited to be sentenced, and not a day went by I didn't think about her. It was so hard being away from her."

"Then go see her" Athrun argued.

"It's not that easy. What if something happens and I have to leave her again. If I fell that hard for her in one night what will a few days, weeks or even months do? How will I leave her?"

"Why do you need to leave her?" Athrun asked. "I know you were never the relationship type before, but maybe you've changed. The war changed all of us in different ways. Maybe this is how you changed."

"I can't" Dearka had his reasons for not wanting to see her. Ones he hoped he would never have to worry about, but couldn't get off his mind.

"You have to." Athrun hesitated for a second. He knew he shouldn't be the one to tell him but he was getting nowhere. He felt like he was left with no choice. "Dearka… she's pregnant"

Dearka just stood there unable to speak, unable to move. He couldn't believe the words that just came out of Athrun's mouth. Miriallia was pregnant. Who knows how long she struggled with that fact. "It can't be true." He mumbled stumbling back to lean against the bed, ignoring the pain of his injuries.

Grabbing his phone from his pocket Athrun pulled up a picture and handed it to him. "Just look for yourself." Dearka looked at the picture. It was of Cagalli with Miriallia, it seemed to be taken recently. Looking at Mir he could see a very distinctive little bump on her stomach.

"No… she… she can't be" Dearka was in denial. He didn't know what to do. How could he keep his plan of staying away from her when she needed him more than ever? But how could he go back to her when he knew someday the deal he stuck could come back to haunt him.

"She's been through a lot since you left." Athrun explained. "Her father wants her to get rid of the baby but she refuses. It was the only thing she thought she had left of you. Now she has no place to go so she still staying at the Attha Mansion. She keeps hoping he'll change his mind but she's 16, he doesn't think she's ready for anything like this."

"She got kicked out because of me… " Dearka whispered sadly. He just stood there quiet for a few seconds. He didn't know what to say. Snapping out it he replied "If she still thinks I'm dead, maybe things are better that way. I keep messing up that girl's life. I need to stay of it."

"No, now is the the time for you to fix it. Don't you see that? Come home with us." He urged.

"Us?" He questioned raising an eyebrow.

"Kira… he followed me when I came to get you." he admitted.

"Dammit Athrun!" He yelled standing up and stepping towards him. His sudden movement cause blood to seep through his bandages. "I told you to come alone. I thought you were supposed to be a top soldiers. How to the hell did he get the upper hand on you?" he demanded now furious.

"Because I thought you were dead." He scream back. "Getting a call from you with how you sounded, all I could think about was how I needed to get to you as fast as I could. And it's a good thing I did, you could have died Dearka."

"So tell me how do you think Miriallia is take this whole thing? If she sees these injuries it's going to worry and stress her out. That can't be good for her."

"So you're going to stay away from her?"

"Athrun you don't understand. I had a plan. This can't change it."

"Don't you think she had plans for her life too? You don't get to just ignore this. You're going to be a father! You can't escape that."

"I can't be a father! How am suppose to be one when mine… " He stopped. He closed his eyes as memories of his childhood flooded his mind.

"You're not your father." Athrun assured him.

"Athrun I know you don't understand my reasons for want to stay out of all your lives but I need you to accept it. Miriallia's… our situation together… it can't change things. I'm going to leave. You need to tell Kira as well. No one can know about this. I'm going to walk out of here and we are never going to see one another again. Are we clear?"

"You know this is a mistake."

"I don't know anything anymore"


	13. Chapter XII: Change of Heart

**_Love Trials_**

* * *

 **Chapter XII: Change of Heart**

It had been over a week since Dearka was attacked. The day was still burned into Athrun's memory. He tried so hard to convince him to come to the Attha mansion, but he couldn't. There was something stopping him. He didn't know what it was but he could see Dearka was afraid of it. It was the only reason Athrun let him walk away. Kira didn't like it either. It took Athrun a while to convince him that despite their feelings this was the right choice, for now at least.

When they came home later that day they tried their hardest to to run upstairs and change before the girls could see the blood covering their clothes. Unfortunately Cagalli was angrily waiting for them. They had dodged one too many of her phone calls and she wanted answers. She didn't know what to say when they walked in, then again neither did they. Once they assured her it wasn't their blood and the person was ok she calmed a little. She didn't like that they wouldn't tell her any more information. Eventually both Miriallia and Lacus convinced her if they didn't want to tell her they had good reasons.

As the days past Miriallia started to feel out of place in the Mansion. She just wanted to go home. She had even contemplated giving up her baby so that her father would let her. But every time that thought popped into her head she remembered Dearka. She remembered him holding her in his arms, whispering sweet things in her ear. It was only a couple days they were together, really together. She had never had a chance to get to know Dearka the way she would have wanted to.

Now he was gone forever. Someday he would just be a memory of the boy she knew once. This baby could change the way she remembered him. He was the father of her child and no matter how much time passed that would always be true. Would she or he erase all the bad memories she had of Dearka? What would she be left with? She had so little good memories of the young BUSTER pilot. Just a few good nights and sweet words. Was he mistake? Was all this just a huge mistake she should be glad to escape.

She leaned back on the couch only half paying attention to the four other talking away. As she leaned back she placed her hand on her stomach gently creasing her bump. That was her baby. Nothing else mattered she thought. No matter how out of place she felt, no matter how much she missed home, she couldn't let them go. In just a few short weeks she had already fallen in love with it more than she thought was possible. When she saw the ultrasound she knew it was love at first sight, even if it didn't look like anything yet.

"Miriallia? Earth to Miriallia!" Snapping out of her thought Mir looked up from her stomach to the blond in front of her.

"Huh?"

"We are going to open the gifts from each other remember?" She said.

"Oh right sorry. I guess I spaced out a little."

"If you feeling tired you can rest." Lacus offered. "We can always open them later."

"No, you all need to get going to the orphanage. I don't want to keep you." She said sliding off the couch onto the floor.

"You can come with us you know Miriallia."

"No, my mother is going to get a hotel and we're going to spend the week together as much as possible. I'll be fine, I promise." A sad look crossed her face. It wasn't how she pictured her first Christmas after the war. She expected to be surrounded by all her family that she missed so much. But instead her father, a person who was suppose to love her unconditionally, was taking it all away from her. All because of an error in judgement on her part. "Let's just get started, you guys have a lot of traveling ahead of you."

They began opening the various gifts under the tree. Present after present was opened until only one remained under the tree. Reaching under Cagalli pulled it out. Reading the tag she saw it was for Miriallia. "I guess the last one is for you" She said handing it to her. Miriallia reached out and took it from her. She looked at the tag and was confused.

"Who is it from?" She said looking it over. There was no indication of who had brought it for her.

"Maybe they forgot to write on it"

"Is it from any of you?" She asked curious. Seeing them all shake their heads _'no'_ she began examining the box. It was wrapped to perfection with a big bow on top. Deciding to open it she slowly she pulled off the bow. Ripping off the paper she opened the box. Inside was lots of tissue paper hiding the gift below. When she removed the tissue her heart sank. "What kind sick joke is this supposed to be" She cried with tears in her eyes.

"Miriallia, what wrong? What's in the box?" Kira asked panicked. Without answering Mir pulled out the gift and held it up for them to see. It was a small onesie with the words _'I'm proof my daddy did something right'_ written across it. Cagalli and Lacus didn't know what to think, who would be so cruel as to point out that she was alone with this baby.

"I don't get it" She sobbed. Covering her face she began to cry uncontrollably. Lacus was about to get up and comfort her when she saw something that stopped her dead in her tracks. She was speechless as was everyone else.

Mir sat in the middle of the floor crying until a set of arms wrapped unexpectedly around her. She didn't question who it was, she just buried her face into their chest and kept crying. They held her tightly, like they never wanted to let her go.

"Mi-Miriallia… Open your eyes!" Cagalli commanded. Hearing her shocked tone of voice Mir stopped her cry and looked up. Her blue eyes met a set of violet one's, eyes she never thought she'd look in again.

She tried to say his name but words wouldn't come out. Reaching up he wiped the tears from her eyes. "I'm sorry. Guess I don't have the best sense of humour. I promise I'll work on that." He said sweetly.

"You're… you're alive"

"I should have been here sooner, I'm sorry. I just wasn't ready for any of this. I needed time to think."

"What do you mean?"

Sitting back on the floor he lifted his shirt revealing the bandages below. "I was person who called Athrun last week" He admitted. Cagalli shot an angry look at the two boys sitting on the couch. She couldn't believe they kept such a secret from them. "I was hurt and I needed help."

"Hurt? What happened to you. How are you even here? They said you didn't have chance, that you were guaranteed to be found guilty." She was so confused.

"I was found guilty. I was to be executed by firing squad, but before the sentence could be made official one of the councillor proposed a new vote. I get to live but I'm no longer welcome in the PLANTs." He explained.

"How did you get hurt?"

"A ZAFT soldier followed me to Orb. He was angry that got off so easy and attacked me. Luckily I was able to get to a phone and contact Athrun to help me out" He lied. "I should have come to see you sooner, I just didn't want you to see me hurt."

"You know about her situation" Cagalli said. "Isn't that the real reason you stayed away" She was mad. Athrun never lied to her, yet for a week he lied about this. He knew Dearka was alive and in Orb but said nothing to any of them.

"Yes I know." He said smiling reassuringly at Miriallia. "And I understand Miriallia if you want me to stay away from you. But I want to be involved if that's what you want."

"If I want? Of course I want you to"

"Then reach in that box and find your other gift." He suggested. She looked at him strange before doing so. Pulling out a key she looked at him surprised. "Athrun told me about your father. You can't raise this… our baby in the Attha Mansion. Move in with me." He proposed.

She didn't know what to think or say. "I… I… Dearka? This is too much." She said standing up. Quickly she left the room. Dearka sat shocked. He had obviously not thought things through very well.

"She just needs time." Lacus said.

"I think we all need time to deal with this. Well most of us" Cagalli said shooting visual daggers at the two boys. Getting up both she and Lacus left the room, leave the three former pilots sitting alone.

"You could have warned us you we coming" Athrun said.

"Guess I didn't think" He said rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"What made you change your mind."

"I don't know. I just realized I needed to do the right thing and be by her side. I want to step up and do the right thing for once."

"Then you should tell her that" Kira suggested. "She's probably out in the garden's. It's where she goes when she's upset."

Reluctantly Dearka sought Miriallia out in the gardens. She was sitting on the bench watching the fountain. Hearing him approach she spoke. "You knew for a week." She blurted without turning. "What if you change your mind? What if you don't want to be a father? Or What if-"

"There you go again with the _what ifs_ ' again." He laughed as he sat down beside her. She was so angry she refused to look at him. "If there is one thing I learned these past three months it's that you can't predict or worry about the future. You can't let your fears of the future influence your life" He said philosophically.

"You really want me to move in with you?" She asked.

"Yeah" He said nervously. Blushing he confessed "I've missed you, more than I've ever missed anyone before. You were all I thought about those days locked up. Truth is I didn't want to come back to you. I didn't want to hurt you. I thought you would live a happier life without me in it. Even when Athrun told me about the baby I was insisting on sticking with my plan."

"So why are you here?" She asked.

"Because you make me weak in all the best ways." He admitted. "Miriallia, we have 6 months to get to know each other before we're parents. I don't want to waste another minute of that time. Let me do right by you. Let me try and fix the things I've ruined in your life. Starting with a home, a real home. I have an apartment in the city. It's has two bedrooms. You can have your own room. We can do this together, if that's what you want."

"My father would be furious if he knew a guy was asking me to move in with them. Though that would require him to speak with me." She said sadly. Reaching over he took hold of her hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

"I'm going to fix it." He promised.

"How?"

"I'll speak with him. Let him know that you are not alone that I'm here and I'll take care of both of you."

"You really would do that?" She said shocked.

"I think I would do anything for you." Leaning in his kissed her. It was their first kiss in months. A kiss that was well worth the wait.


	14. Chapter XIII: Christmas Confrontations

_**Love Trials**_

* * *

 **Chapter XIII: Christmas Confrontations**

Dearka sat in his car outside the small family home. He had a look on his face like he was preparing for battle. It was a look Mir was all too familiar with. It was the one he used have on his face every time he was on her screen back when she was a CIC. Nervous yet determined. Taking a deep breath he unbuckled his seatbelt. Looking over he could see Mir was just as nervous.

"We can still go home you know. This might be a mistake." She said sounding scared.

The past week had flown by. After speaking with Dearka the day he came back into her life she decided to move in with him. It had been quite a week getting used to one another. She showed him the ultrasound pictures and filled him in on everything medically. She informed her mother of her move and that their hotel plans needed to be on hold for a while. Now they sat outside her grandmother's house ready to crash her family's Christmas eve get together.

"A good soldier never backs away from a fight." He said.

"My father doesn't want me here." she replied. "What if he gets mad."

"Then I'll handle it." He assured her. Reaching over he unbuckled her seat. "Stop being a scared little girl and be that brave soldier I know you can be" Getting out of the car he walked around and opened the door for her. Hand in hand they walked together up the walkway. Miriallia just stood there. "You going to knock or walk in?"

"I used to just walk in… but I don't know if I should anymore."

"Don't be afraid." He whispered. "Just do what you always used to do. This is your family too, not just his."

"It's not that easy"

"It never is with family. But your family was happy once. I ruined that, I'm not going to let it stay that way." He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. "Now walk through that door like you don't give a shit"

Smiling she felt a burst of bravery. Turning the knob she opened the door and walked in. She felt like she was entering her childhood. The place was decorated from top to bottom. The smell of freshly baked cookies invaded her scenes as Christmas music played in the background. She could hear all her relatives talking happily away. She felt so at home for the first time in nearly a year. Walking forward down the empty hall they turned in a doorway and into the living room where everyone was gathered.

The moment they appeared in the room everyone went silent, her cousin even turned off the music. Tension was high in the room as Mir began to regret coming. "Miriallia, you're here!" Her grandmother said walking up and hugging her. "I didn't think you would make it. " She seemed so happy to see her. Pulling away she looked up at Dearka. "And who is this handsome young man?"

"This is-"

"Dearka Elsman ma'am" He interrupted offering his hand for her to shake.

She was about to accept when from across the room Miriallia father said "He's the boy who got her pregnant." He said in disgust. Slamming down his drink he stormed out the patio doors.

Looking over Dearka could see Mir was about to cry. "Please excuse me" He said as he started to follow her father.

"Dearka where are you going?" She questioned.

"To make things right" He said walking out the door. He tried to close the door but without noticing it bounced open enough for all to hear the conversation about to take place.

"Who the hell do you think you are?!" Mir's father yelled at Dearka as he approached. "Hasn't she been through enough? What kind of self respecting person would seduce a grieving young girl?" Dearka just stood there taking the yelling like it meant nothing. "She was an innocent little girl and you've impregnated her. You took every ounce of her innocents at a time she was most vulnerable. You disgust me. There isn't a thing you can say to change that"

Miriallia watched from the living room shocked at her father's words and how Dearka seemed unaffected. "Say what you want to me Sir, your words can't throw me. Go ahead and call me worthless or pathetic and I'll feel right at home." He said seriously. "Miriallia told me about growing up with you as her father. How supportive and loving you were. I didn't understand it. That wasn't my father at all. Of course you saw first hand that day how my father is to me."

"What exactly is it that you want? Why did you come here? To ruin my family's holidays?" He screamed at him.

"If you want to hate me fine, get in line with all the rest. But don't try to think you understand us for second" He said sounding angry. "You have no idea what being a soldier in that war was like. Everyday we thought it could be our last. I was willing to fight to my last breath to protect your daughter. I would have gladly died to save her. But somehow we both survived. You think I killed the little girl in her, her innocents? That all died when she decided to stay on that ship long before we ever met. She wasn't ever going to come home the same."

"Is that suppose to make this right? Because you were both scared and alone? She is sixteen years old! She can't be a mother. You need to get her to give up that baby."

"No." Dearka said seriously. "That is _my_ child. We are keeping it. It's a decision she made on her own and I agree with it. Maybe it was a mistake having sex without taking proper precautions, but I'm not going to throw that mistake away and pretend like it didn't happen. She and I are in this together from here on out. So you want to keep hating me fine, but don't hate her or your grandchild. They don't deserve it."

"You really think coming here and having a screaming match with me is to solve things."

"No I don't. I don't expect to fix things in just one night. You and I are fighting a war. Neither of can agree what's right but in the end we want the same thing. Miriallia's happiness."

"And you think you can make her happy? You're a war criminal. Someone like you should stay far away from her."

"Did you ever hear why I was a war criminal?" He asked a bit ticked off at that being one of the reasons he father hated him. "Judging by the look on your face I'd say no"

"It doesn't matter what you were arrested for. You were in prison. That's all that matters."

"Sir you don't get to belittle me for something like that. I was arrested for betraying ZAFT, for fighting and protecting the ship your daughter served on. If it wasn't for me she could be dead right now!"

"So you deserve to ruin her life because you think you saved it?"

"I'm not trying to ruin her life." He screamed back. Taking a deep breath trying to calm down he said "Miriallia isn't someone I ever thought I would fall for. But the more I got to know her the more I fell for her. She not just some notch in my belt. I want to be with your daughter, baby or no baby. If she gave it up I wouldn't leave her. I would be by her side as long as she would let me. I'm not going to abandon her like you have"

"I did not abandon her!" He spat.

"Then what would you call it? You're right she's 16 years old and pregnant and what do you do? You kick her out when she thinks the father of her child is dead. You expect her to do what you want instead of what she believes is right. This is her life not yours, stop trying to control it!" Dearka lectured. He didn't realize how angry her father had become. Balling his hand up tightly he took a swing at him. Dearka quickly dodge, causing himself to crashing into the table and fall hard on the ground. He screamed out in pain as his recent stab wounds and still healing ribs were irritated.

"Dearka!" Miriallia screamed after hearing the crash. Running for outside, her mother followed closely behind. There Dearka was lying next to the knocked over table holding his side wincing in pain. "Dearka! Are you okay!"

"Yeah I'm fine." He said moving his hand from his side only to see spots of blood on it.

"Oh my god" Her mother whispered.

"Your stitches!" Mir blurted falling to her knees to check on him.

Slowly sitting up he said "I'm fine." However when he tried to stand up he grimaced in pain.

"You are not alright!" She protested "You're ribs and back are still healing" She argued. "Come on. This was a mistake. Let's go home so you can rest."

"Home?" Her father said surprised. "Miriallia don't tell me you two are living together now"

"What do you expect me to do!" She yelled at him as she helped Dearka up. "I can't stay at the Attha Mansion forever and I can't afford my own place. I know you think that you know Dearka but you don't. He's not some jerk or a scumbag. He's kind to me. It's my fault I got pregnant not his!"

"Mir…" Dearka couldn't believe she was defending him so much.

"He's been through enough in the past three months, we both have. We don't need you making things worst. If you really are against this then maybe it's best I don't see you again" Together they began walking in the house and into the living room. Mir could feel everyone staring at her as they headed for the door.

"Miriallia wait!" She turned to see her mother. "Don't leave like this" She begged. "Don't end this with a fight you'll regret it."

"I can forgive dad yelling at him, but he tried to hit him. I can't forgive that, not right now. We have to go. Dearka's bandages need to be changed." She said turning to leave. As she walked by her grandmother she gave her a hug and apologized for ruining their evening.

Walking to the car Dearka could see Mir was about to cry. "I'm sorry I know that wasn't how things were supposed to go. I screwed up, I let him get under my skin and just made things worst."

"No, you did fine." She said. "It was just all a big mistake." It wasn't the Christmas she was hoping for, the one she dreamed of while on the ARCHANGEL. But at least she had Dearka. They were so different, but in many ways the same. They were each other's support system. The one person they each needed more than anything.


	15. Chapter XIV: Visitors

_****Love Trials****_

* * *

 **Chapter XIV: Visitors  
** ***** Early February *****

It had been over a month since the disaster of a Christmas visit at the Haww's. Dearka didn't expect her father to be like that. He thought her family was perfect and happy, and maybe it was once. He had pulled them apart. He was a wedge between them that just seemed to be pulling them further and further apart. He wanted to fix things for her but he failed. He even managed to cause a slight rift between her and her mother.

But her family seemed far from her mind most days. Most days she was too busy with her various photography classes and assignments to even think about them. She had considered quitting after reality of being pregnant really started to hit, but Dearka encouraged her to stick with it. He promised he would help her with the baby as much as possible so that she could have whatever career she wished. He could see how much photography made her happy, and he knew it was going to be more than just a hobbie.

Dearka loved living with Miriallia more than he ever thought he would. He had never been the type of guy to want a wife and kids. Yet somehow watching Miriallia's stomach growing everyday made him realize how important that part of life really was. He loved his baby already. He had started taking her to her appointments. Seeing the ultrasound for the first time was indescribable. In that moment he knew more than ever that if it ever came down to it he needed to break the _deal_.

It was Saturday. Miriallia didn't have any scheduled classes and or assignments to complete. It seemed like a perfect day to sleep in. Rolling over in the bed Dearka pulled his girl in tight, well as tight as the baby would allow them. He kissed her good morning and smirked seductively at her. She smiled back at him "I thought you wanted to sleep in?" She moaned as his slid his hand up her thigh.

"It's hard to sleep with someone so beautiful laying next to me" Leaning forward she kissed him. "I love you" he said suddenly. Miriallia pulled away quickly and looked at him shocked. He had never said those words to her before, he had never even hinted at it before. But she could see it wasn't a joke. He was serious. "You don't have to say it back you know. I just… needed you to know how I really feel. I'm in love with you Miriallia, I'm falling for you more and more everyday. I can't keep it to myself anymore."

She felt such mixed emotions. She hadn't heard those words since before Tolle had died. It seemed like it was years ago. Perhaps because since then her experiences caused her to feel much older then she was. She didn't know how to feel about him saying it. Sitting up she covered her nearly naked body like she was suddenly self conscious. Dearka started to feel a little rejected. "Dearka… I"

"Miriallia, don't worry about it." He said sitting up and kissing her on the forehead. "I'm going to go take a shower." Leaning in he whispered "You can join me if you'd like" before kissing her on the cheek and getting up.

He started to head for the door when Mir spoke up "I'm sorry. I… I do feel the same, just the words won't come out." She clarified. "The last person I said that to died a few months later. It's just hard to say them again."

"It's okay. Take your time saying it." He replied. Leaning against the doorframe he said "You know I was serious about that shower thing. I'll scrub your back if you scrub mine, if you know what I mean" He joked before leaving the room.

Getting out of bed she debated joining him or not. Hearing the water start she decided a little fun in the shower couldn't hurt. Maybe it would even get her mind off of his confession. She started to head towards the bathroom when there was a sudden knock at the door. She was confused at who it could be. Cagalli was busy with various peace treaty meetings lately, Athrun always by her side as her personal bodyguard. Lacus and Kira had moved permanently to the island where the orphans they helped lived. As for her family they didn't even know where they lived, so it couldn't be them.

Taking hold of her short red silk robe she wrapped it around herself and headed for the door. Looking through the peephole she saw no one. She started to walk away from the door but there was another knock. Looking through again she realized the person must have been standing out of view of it. This made her nervous. But working up the courage she opened it. There standing outside was two very familiar people, a guy and a girl.

"You!" Miriallia and the guy both yelled.

"What the hell are you doing here!" The guy demanded.

"I could ask you the same thing." she retorted.

"Not that it's any of your business but I came to speak with Dearka. And you? Why are you in _his_ apartment."

"I live here." She spat back.

"What?!" He said outraged. "Why would you live with _him?_ "

"Yzak look" The girl next to him gasped slightly motioning to Mir's stomach. Yzak had been so surprised seeing Miriallia in Dearka's apartment he didn't bother to take a look at her. His eyes opened wide looking at her. Nervously she tucked her hair behind her ear.

"He's in the shower right now. Come in, you can waiting in the living room." Yzak nodded and they both entered. Walking over to the couch the two of them sat down. Looking down at the coffee table Yzak saw various pregnancy/parenting books, pamphlets and some ultrasound pictures. He didn't expect to find out about something like this.

Miriallia headed back to her room to get dressed. She was afraid to be alone with them so she took her time hoping Dearka would be done soon. Hearing the water shut off she left the bedroom. Waiting for him outside the bathroom she tried to stay out of the sight of Yzak and the girl Shiho. She was hoping to talk to Dearka before they saw him.

When the door opened he saw her standing outside it dress in a sundress that showed off her baby belly. "Thought you were going to join me" He said walking out. He was naked with a towel loosely wrapped around his waist. Water still dripping from his hair, running down his perfectly sculpted body.

"Something came up" She said blushing. Even though she had seen him like this many times she still found herself taken back by it.

Stepping forward he pulled her in close. "You look beautiful in that dress. But I can't wait to see it on the floor." He kissed her and lightly pushed her against the wall. Miriallia wanted to break away and tell him about his visitors but with her hormones so out of whack she couldn't control herself. They began to make out heavily as he ran his hand up the skirt of her dress. He started kissing her down the neck heading for her enlarged breasts when someone cleared their throat. Looking over Dearka was so surprised he nearly dropped his towel. "Y-yzak!? What are you doing here?"

"Get dressed, we need to talk" He commanded. Dearka looked out into the living room and could see Yzak didn't come alone.

"I see you brought your lover with you" He joked.

"This isn't time for joking"

"Fine" Kissing Mir one last time he headed into the bedroom to get dressed.

Miriallia and Yzak returned to the living room and sat across from one another on the couches. It was quiet and awkward until Shiho decided to try and break the ice. "So… how far along are you?"

"About five months" She replied.

"So you're due around June?" She asked.

"Yes, June 20th" They all felt strange trying to have small talk, The last time they had all been in a room together Yzak was arresting Dearka. It was an image she couldn't get out of her mind. "What is it you want with him?" She asked. "He was exiled, it's over isn't it?"

"This has nothing to do with his trial."

"So this is a social call?" She asked.

"It a 'none-of-your-business' kind of call" He snapped at her.

"Yzak that's enough" Dearka scolded as he entered the room. Looking at Dearka he curled up his nose.

"What the hell are you wearing." he asked seeing the ripped shirt and old pair of jeans.

"I promised Mir I would paint the spare room today. We can talk in there while I work"

"You mean your baby's room." Yzak corrected sounding disgusted.

"For now it's just a spare room, but yeah, it's for our baby. And I don't need a lecture about this. We've had enough grief over it. We're just trying to make the best out of an unexpected situation."

"Your mother is going to want to know about this" He said standing up. "You either contact her to let her know or I will when I get back to the PLANTs." he threatened.

"Why does that matter. My life in the PLANTs is over, she doesn't need to know about this. Besides if she know you know he'll find out"

"You really still afraid of him. He's an asshole but he's not going to come down here and mess this up." Yzak declared. "He's not interested in knowing anything about you. Now can we talk, in private?"

"Alright, come on." He said heading for the spare room. When the door was shut he leaned down and grabbed the can of paint.

"The treaty is about to be signed." Yzak informed him.

Dearka stopped dead in his tracks looking up at Yzak he asked "Why do you think that is something you need to tell me in private? We speak with Athrun and Cagalli, we know the progress"

"Because I can't get the way you acted that day out of my head. You weren't even going to see that girl anymore now you're living together."

"Things changed when I found out she was pregnant. I tried to stay away from her but the guilt was too much. Not that it matters to you. If you're going to judge us just leav-"

"Canaver is thinking of stepping down" he interjected.

Dearka looked at him shocked. "They're going hold elections?" He questioned.

"It hasn't been decided. But if she does step down Gilbert Durandal seems to be a favorite of the public to take over." Yzak noticed the shock in Dearka hearing this. He seemed to almost shake. "What did he do to you?" Yzak asked.

"He didn't do anything" Dearka growled finally opening the can so he could start to paint.

"I know you had a private meeting with him. It wasn't well know that you did. It took me weeks to even hear rumours of it. But everyone I spoke to told me how shaken you were afterwards. What did he say to you? What did he do?" He demanded.

"It doesn't matter. What does matter is that he can't become Chairman. You need to do whatever it takes to keep him from getting into power."

"You don't trust him"

"Call it a sixth sense" Dearka replied cryptically. "You can't let it happen do you understand?"

"I don't know if there is anything I can do" Yzak admitted. "But if there is a way to stop it I do whatever it takes."


	16. Chapter XV: Heart to Heart

_****Love Trials****_

* * *

 **Chapter XV: Heart to Heart**

Dearka sat down at his computer. He didn't know what he was doing. It didn't help that he had three sets of eyes watching him. With Yzak encouragement he was about to contact his mother with the news that he was going to be a father. He didn't know how she was going to take it. Especially since the mother of his child was a natural. The same natural that inspired him to betray the military.

He never wanted to disappoint her. She was the only bright spot in his childhood. The person who helped him to recover from every horrible thing his father did or said to him. But that was all a long time ago. He was becoming an adult now. He was completely on his own. No matter how she reacted it wouldn't change things. Miriallia would still be pregnant and he would still not be permitted in the PLANTs.

"A little privacy would be nice" Dearka said looking back at the three.

"We'll wait in the bedrooms." Miriallia said coming over and kissing him on the forehead. Miriallia headed into their room while Shiho and Yzak went into the spare to give him privacy.

Logging on to Yzak's secure chat system he readied himself. He didn't know what he was going say but time was up. His mother's face popped up. He could see how happy and surprised she was to see him. He smiled at her. "Hello mother"

" _Dearka… are you okay? What is going on?"_ She asked sounding panicked.

"I'm fine mother. But I have something important I need to discuss with you." She looked at him confused.

" _Yzak told you didn't he."_ Dearka could help but confused. " _It just a trial separation. Nothing is final. I still love your father, it's just he's keep too many secrets from me. You were in prison for almost three months before I even found out you were alive. He stole time I could have had with you. I just need time to think about why he would do something like that to the family he is suppose to love."_

"He didn't want you to get hurt" Dearka explained. It was funny for once he understood his father more than ever. His father believed Dearka would be executed and didn't want his wife to have the pain of getting her son back only to lose him again. It was the same reason Dearka had for wanting to stay away from Miriallia, because the future was unpredictable. "You shouldn't be angry at him for that. The last thing I wanted was for you to see me the way I was in that cell. For you to cry for me, to be hurt. Father was just trying to protect you, even if you don't see it that way."

" _You've really matured since the last time we spoke."_ She said smiling at him.

"I didn't really have a choice" He admitted.

" _Is the apartment to your liking?"_ She asked.

"Yes mother, it's great. Sorry I didn't thank you early for it, it was just"

" _You were upset that day. I was difficult on you I'm sure. Your whole life was being turned upside down. You felt betrayed and angry. Thank you was the last thing on your mind."_

"Still I shouldn't have taken it out on you" He apologized.

" _So what is new with you Dearka. How is your life going honey? Are you happy?"_ She questioned worried.

"That's actually why I'm calling you. I'm seeing someone."

" _You're dating?"_ She asked surprised. " _You don't mean a natural?"_

"Yeah, she a natural. But I don't think of her like that. She's very important to me. She makes me happy." He informed her. "She kind, smart, and so beautiful."

" _Sounds like you're in love."_ She muttered. She didn't know how to feel about her son being in love with a natural. But given where he was living now falling for a natural was no surprise.

"I am." He admitted smiling to her. "I've never felt like this before. The thought of not waking up next to her is unimaginable. She is the signal most important reason I get up every morning… at least right now she's the only reason."

" _What do you mean?"_

He looked away nervous to admit the truth. It was hard to say out loud. "Mom I've known her for a while now." He admitted. "Since the day I went MIA from ZAFT"

She looked at him shocked. " _She was an Earth Alliance soldier."_

"It's complicated but yes." He confessed. "She had a lot to do with why I left ZAFT. I couldn't keep fighting for ZAFT, not when it seemed there goal was to eliminate every last natural. I couldn't lose her. I she died I think a part of me would have gone with her."

" _It was love at first sight"_

"Didn't seem it at the time. Looking back maybe it was. Everything I did shortly after I met her was either to her protect her or to make her happy. I failed at the second many times. It wasn't until the war was over that we both realized that maybe we felt the same about one another. We were stupid and things happened way too fast between us. Then I was taken away. We both thought I was going to die so we said goodbye, we thought it was forever."

" _But you found her again. I'm glad you're finding happiness in your new home, even if it is with a natural."_

"Mother It's not just her I want to tell you about. There is more. And I'm a little afraid of how you're going to take it."

" _Dearka you know you can tell me anything. Although I may not always agree with your choices, like when you joined the military, I alway will support them. This is your life. You need to live it the way you want to."_

Dearka nervously fidgeted in his seat. Reaching out he began typing on the computer. "It's a little hard to say" He admitted. "But maybe this will help to explain some things." Clicking send he waited for her to open his message. She immediately opened it to see an image file. Opening it she saw the bombshell he was trying to break to her.

" _Dearka! What is this?"_ She questioned horrified.

"It's your grandchild" He mumbled nervous. "The girl I'm with is pregnant. Five months along to be exact."

" _I don't believe this. Dearka you're 17 years old! What were you thinking!"_ She scolded. " _Didn't I teach you better than that. How many times did we talk about having safe sex? About protecting both of you from things like this. You are too young for this. You can't raise a baby."_

"I know you're shocked, but this is happening"

" _How does her family feel about her situation?"_ She questioned.

"Her mother is supportive. Or at least she was. The past few weeks she been a bit distant. I'm not sure she likes me much. Her father hates me though, that much is definitely clear. He wants us to put the baby up for adoption when they are born and for her and I to break it off. He doesn't think she isn't ready to date right now. He thinks I took advantage of her."

" _How so?"_

"Her boyfriend was killed in the war the day we met. He thinks she was still grieving when we got together, that I'm just some replacement and that none of this is real."

" _Sounds like he might be looking out for both of you. Maybe he is right. If you are just a rebound to her she'll realize it eventually and the baby won't be able to keep you together. And the one who will suffer most is your child. If things aren't meant to be then don't force it. There is a reason adoption exists. It's to give kids like you an out."_

"I don't want an out. I'm in love her. In a few months we are going to be a family. I'll be a father, that is a role I refuse to just walk away from." He confessed.

His mother was silent for a few seconds before asking, " _What is her name?"_

"Huh?"

" _The future mother of my grandchild. You haven't told me her name."_

He smiled at her. He knew she was trying her best to be supportive. "Her name is Miriallia Haww. Mir for short."

" _It's a beautiful name. Do you know what you two are having?"_ She asked doing her best to put her objections to the situation behind her.

"No, we thought that maybe we would wait and be surprised."

" _I would think you two would be sick of surprises."_ She pointed out.

"We'll we thought a good surprise would be a great way of starting out parenthood. Besides we don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as they are healthy and happy."

" _Sounds like you're already on your way to being a good parent."_

"I'm doing my best. I'm studying up a lot on everything I can about pregnancy and raising a baby. Honestly the whole thing freaks me out more than the war did I think. Women are incredible for sure. You seem to be able to bounce back from horrible things. I already feel like I need to make it up to her, and she hasn't even given birth yet"

" _You two are going to be just fine. If there is one thing I've learned over the years to be a good parent you need compassion and understanding. You need to be willing to put your child's needs and your love's needs above your own. Your father was never able to do that. I think we were only ever a tool for his political career."_

"He loves you. Despite everything he did I could tell he really cared about you. Kids just weren't his thing"

" _For someone who hates him so much you seem to be defending him a whole lot."_

"I've had a lot of time to think about things. Sort it all out in my head. Father made a lot of mistakes when I was growing up, but if I want to be happy in my life I need to forget about that. Move on." He watched his mother cover her mouth looking worried and a little scared. "Mother, what's wrong?"

" _How am I supposed to tell him all this?"_ She asked. " _He'll be furious"_

"You don't need to tell him anything" Dearka protested.

" _He is going to be a grandfather."_ She lectured " _I can't keep something this major from him. He's going to want to know."_

"No he's not going to want to know." He argued. "Maybe if she was some nice coordinator girl from a great family and we were married he'd want to know. But That's not the case. This will just hurt his political career."

" _He doesn't have a political career."_ She informed him. " _He stepped down from the council after your trial. He's still works at the Aprilius One base, just not as a councillor anymore."_

"Why would he step down?" Dearka asked.

" _He was angry about your treatment during your imprisonment. He demanded that all charges be dropped against you and the trial be canceled. When they refused he informed them after the vote he would be stepping down. He didn't want to be part of something that help kill his only child."_

"I don't understand."

" _He was the one vote to save you"_ She explained. " _I don't know who you thought it was who voted for you to be spared but it was him. Dearka no matter the fights you two have been in or the rift between you, a father's love is immeasurable. But that something you will learn for yourself soon enough."_

"He gave up his career because of me?" He whispered, he couldn't believe his father gave up the one thing that seemed to be the most important to him.

" _You two need to talk, maybe not today but someday. I'll keep the secret about the pregnancy as long as I can but I can't promise he won't find out. I'm having dinner with him next week to talk things over, try and make our relationship work again."_

"I just don't want him to find out and try and rip us apart. I love her, I really do. Life without her would be unbearable."

" _So when do I get to met this incredible girl that stole my son's heart?"_

Dearka laughed. "I don't know. If you're really interested I could go get her. She just in our room."

" _Our room?"_ She questioned raising an eyebrow.

"We're having a baby together. Are you really going to lecture me on living with her. Her father kicked her out when he found out she was pregnant. She needs a place to live, it only makes sense." He explained.

She smiled. " _Go get her honey. I want to met her."_

"Right" Getting up he headed over to their room. After exchanging a few words with Miriallia they both headed back to the computer. "Mother this is Miriallia Haww, Mir this is my mother Kristen Elsman."

Miriallia waved and said "It's nice to meet you Mrs. Elsman. Sorry it had to be under these circumstances" She said caressing her stomach tenderly.

" _You certainly are glowing. Pregnancy looks good on you, despite your age. How old are you anyways"_

"I'll be 17 in a couple of weeks"

Looking towards Dearka his mother said " _Dearka can you please excuse us?"_ She asked. " _I'd like to speak with her in private for a moment."_

"Mother I don't think that's the best idea" He protested.

" _Dearka please. It's just an innocent talk. A mother has the right to speak with the person their child is with."_

"Dearka, it's okay." Miriallia said. "I don't mind" Dearka reluctantly nodded and left for their bedroom. Slowly Mir sat down on the chair and looked at his mother. She couldn't help but notice how strikingly beautiful the woman was. Her hair was long and blond. Her eyes a perfect shade of green. Her complexion was slightly darker than Dearka's himself. Looking at her she could see where he got much of his looks.

When Kristen knew they were alone she spoke. " _Do you love him?"_ She asked seriously. Mir looked at her surprised.

"What?"

" _From the sounds of it he has greatly derailed your life. You lost your home and family because of this situation you two are in. Giving away the baby could give that all back to you. Are you really willing to be a mother and possibly risk losing that forever?"_

"I…"

" _Don't know?"_ She answered for her. " _Dearka loves you, I can tell by the way he talks about you. If you don't feel the same way, if he is just some replacement for the boy you really loved then leave him. My son is not some consolation prize. I'm not saying this to hurt you. I'm saying this to protect you too. Don't commit to something if you think it was a mistake."_

Miriallia thought about his mother's words for a minute before speaking. "I thought I lost him once. It was before he was arrested. He was fighting in a battle and I lost his signal. It scared me and hurt more than when I lost… when I lost Tolle."

" _Your boyfriend?"_

Mir nodded. "I didn't realize it then but I was falling for him. Dearka is not just some rebound to me. He's so much more. I'll admit we don't know each other that well yet, but we have the rest of our lives of screwing up together to get to know one another."

" _I'm sorry about your parents. Believe it or not I know what you're going through, at least a little."_ She noted. " _My family never like Tad. They told me if I wanted to be with him I couldn't be part of their lives anymore. Tad convinced me they were just naturals, and they couldn't understand the bond between coordinators. I choose him and left for the PLANTs. I never saw them again. They died never knowing their grandson or that he even existed. Not day goes by that I wonder how things would have been if I chose them, or if I could have convinced them to all get along."_

"I'm sorry." Miriallia said unsure of what to respond.

" _What I'm trying to say is that if you love him, you have my full support. Natural or coordinator I don't care. You seem to make him happy. But you need to find a way to get your family's support. Don't chose him over them or them over him. Get them to get along at least for your child's sake."_

"Dearka tried" She informed her.

" _No offense but Dearka isn't the one who needs to try. You both need to work together. If through a computer I can see how right you two are for one another they will see it too. Just don't expect it to be right in one night."_

"What should I do."

" _Invite them over for dinner. Show them how ready you are for this baby. Explain to them you're plans for the future, and if you don't have any make some. Let them know that this baby isn't going to interfere with your happiness."_

"I don't know if that will work. The last time Dearka and my father spoke they got into a yelling match and my father tried to hit him."

" _Dearka can be a hot head sometimes. You need to be the calming voice, control the situation. Do it for your child. Your first act as a mother needs to be repairing your family. The stress of it being pulled apart isn't good for your baby. If he loves you he'll do whatever it takes to fix things. To make you happy."_

"Thank you Mrs. Elsman, I'll try my best."

" _I expect updates on your pregnancy from now on."_ She requested " _I know contact will be difficult with the restrictions Dearka is under with his exile, but I am the little one's grandmother. I want to be as involved as possible."_

"You have my word, we'll make sure you're as involved as you can be."

" _Thank you Miriallia. You really seem to be a good influence on him."_ She said smiling at Mir. " _Don't hurt him. A tough person's heart sometimes breaks the easiest. Promise me you'll take better care of my little boy then I did."_

"I promise"


	17. Chapter XVI: A Birthday Wish

**_Love Trials_**

* * *

 **Chapter XVI: A Birthday Wish**

Yzak and Shiho left soon after Dearka's call with his mother. Yzak risked a lot coming to see Dearka about the possibility of Durandal taking over as Chairman. Something told him Dearka needed to know. There was something that just didn't sit right about the day of the trial. Too many secrets swirled around that day. Yzak was bound and determined he was going to find out, no matter how long it took.

Since the day they left the peace treaty had been officially signed on the anniversary of the Bloody Valentine incident. Peace spread through both the PLANTs and Earth. But the Haww's seemed unaffected at the moment. Four days had passed since the signing and it was Miriallia's 17th birthday. After many days of negotiating she convinced her parents and Dearka to have dinner at their apartment. She was scared about it but his mother was right. They needed to patch things up before the baby came if they ever wanted things to work out between them.

Dearka watched Miriallia race around the apartment obsessively cleaning and organizing. He tried to get her to relax but she couldn't. Her parents were going to be there soon. It was the first time she would be seeing her father since Christmas. She was both terrified and excited at the same time.

"Hey" Dearka said walking up behind her. "It's all going to be okay." he assured her pulling her in for a hug.

"How do you know? The last ti-"

"The last time seemed like an ambush to him. He didn't expect to see us, especially me. This time it's planned. Besides I promise I'll behave."

"No yelling?" She asked turning in his arms to face him.

"No yelling" He promised kissing her. As their lips parted there was a knock at the door. "Are you ready for this?" He questioned. Hesitantly she nodded. Releasing her from his grip he watched as she walked over to the door to greet her parents. He stood there staring as they walked in. They looked around quickly and seemed surprised.

"Miriallia this apartment… how can you afford a place like this?" She said amazed. The apartment was in one of the most expensive buildings in the city. Only the wealthiest of people could afford it.

"A gift from my mother" Dearka informed her.

"Just who the hell are you?" Her father questioned.

"Daddy." Mir scolded. "You promised we could all talk civilly."

"She's right" Her mother said. "Let's sit and talk." They all gathered in the living room, Dearka and Mir on one couch, her parents on the other. "So, tell us about yourself Dearka."

"We'll I guess you two already know a bit about me. My name is Dearka Elsman. I'm the son of Tad and Kristen Elsman of the PLANTs, two first generation coordinators. What you may not know is my family is one of the twelve most wealthy families in the PLANTs." He informed them. "I grew up in a large Estate in Februarius City. Growing up my father was a politician. Everything he did was to further his career. Even having a family. I wasn't born because he wanted kids, I was born because a family man looked better to voters."

"That doesn't surprise me really." Her mother said. "When we saw him at the Athha Mansion he didn't seem much like a caring father."

"No he's not…" Dearka paused for a few seconds before continuing the conversation. "Listen I don't expect either of you to like me, especially given the way my relationship with your daughter started. I just want to find a way that we can all get along for the baby's sake. I grew up in a bad family situation. I know the damage it can cause. I don't want my child to experience anything like that."

"You should have thought of that before you got my daughter pregnant." Her father argued. "This whole situation is a mistake. You both are too young to be parents. Do you have an idea of what you are even doing? What plans do you have for your futures?"

"I'm not going to let this ruin Miriallia's future if that is what you are wondering. What ever she wants to do with her life she can. If need be I will be the primary caretaker of the baby. She can work or do whatever she wants."

"And how will you pay for things? Will you live off her income alone?"

"Like I said before, I come for a wealthy family. When I was exiled from the PLANTs my mother gave me access to my trust fund. I don't need money. She ensured I would live a comfortable life."

"Is that suppose to make me feel better about this? You are rich so you can have anything you want including my daughter?"

"Dad!" Mir warned. "He's trying his best, don't you see that. What do you want from him? What will make you okay with this?" She asked.

"I want you both to see that this whole thing is a mistake. Someday this relationship is going to end and your child will suffer because of it" He concluded. "The only thing you two have in common is that child. That isn't enough."

"I love her" Dearka informed him. "You can chose to accept that or not. But I'm never going to willingly leave her. We are having this baby and we will keep it. All we want from you is for you to accept that enough to be loving grandparents. You don't have to like me or our relationship, but please love our child" He begged.

"Why do you want her so much?" He questioned. "Aren't you Coordinators supposed to despise Naturals?"

"I did once. I was one of the biggest Natural haters there was. I still struggle with it. It's been one of the hardest things to get over. But I don't want my life to be ruled by hatred. I want to live a happy life with your daughter. I want to raise our child in a loving home, something I didn't get when I was growing up"

"Hatred is a hard thing to erase. I want to be able to accept all this for Miriallia's sake, but it's difficult. She is too young to have to deal with any of this. But I agree, you two are trying your best to make a good thing happen out of a bad situation. I just don't what to see my little girl get hurt any more than she already has."

"I promise I won't hurt her. Like I said I'm in love with her. She makes me happy and I hope I make her happy too." He said looking over and smiling at her before looking back at her father. "I would give up every cent I owned if I could just make her happy for the rest of her life."

Smiling he said "Have you two picked out names yet?"

They both looked at him surprised. Mir knew in that moment her father was doing his best to make her birthday wish come true. "Uhh, we don't know what we are having yet" Mir said "But we were thinking Penelope for a girl or Zavier for a boy"

"Those sound perfect" Her mother said smiling at her. "I can't wait to meet our little grand child."

They spent the rest of her birthday celebrating like a normal family. She didn't get a chance to have the Christmas she wanted but somehow Dearka had made her birthday better than she ever could have dreamed. They enjoyed her birthday supper together, lovingly prepared by her very skilled boyfriend. Afterwards they lit the candles on her cake and sang happy birthday to her.

"Don't forget to make a wish sweetie" Her mother said. "Birthday wishes are very powerful"

Taking a deep breath she blew out the candle. She chose not to make a wish, to her right now in this moment life was perfect.


	18. Chapter XVII: The Unexpected

_****Love Trials****_

* * *

 **Chapter XVII: The Unexpected  
*** May 28th, 72 CE *****

The next few months seemed to fly by. Miriallia's stomach grew more and more each day as her love did for Dearka. She knew he was going to be the perfect father. He was doing everything he could to make her happy. He was repairing his relationship with her father and starting to gain his respect. Life was good for them both. They were happy and eagerly awaiting the arrival of their little bundle of joy.

Miriallia was getting excited for the due date but also scared. Everything was going to change. She couldn't help but hope somehow it wouldn't rip them apart. Even after spending the last five months together Mir could still tell Dearka was hiding something from her. His talk with Yzak still remained a mystery, one he refused to reveal to her. It was a sore spot in their relationship.

Dearka could tell Miriallia was getting suspicious, that she knew he was hiding something. He just hoped and prayed she wouldn't figure out what _it_ was. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. He was sure of that. Nothing could change his mind about it. She was his first true love, his only love. He wanted no one else in his life. Just her. He wanted to be a family, a real family.

It was morning and Dearka nervously waited out in the living room for Miriallia. She was in their bedroom get dressed, a task that became more difficult with each passing day. He paced back and forth fidgeting around. Finally hearing the door open he stopped in his tracks. Hearing her Footsteps coming towards him he took the remote for the sound system and hit play.

Miriallia didn't know what to think when she entered the living room. The most romantic instrumental music was softly playing in the room. Roses on each end tables with petals scattered about. Several candles were also lit. In the middle of it all dressed in dress pants and a button up shirt looking both nervous and confident was Dearka.

"What is all this?" She questioned. Her heart couldn't be beating any faster than it was in that moment, that perfect incredible moment. Slowly she approached him. When she was only a couple feet away him her began to speak.

"Miriallia… since the moment I met you I knew I could never forget you. You are the most incredible person I've ever the pleasure of meeting. You make me feel weak in all the best ways. I love you Miriallia, and I can't imagine going one more day without asking you this." Mir felt like she was about to cry as he knelt down on one knee and pulled a small black box out of his pocket. Slowly he opened it and reveal a beautiful diamond ring. "Miriallia Haww… with you marry me?"

She stood there breathless. Her heart beating fast. She was about to answer him when there was a knock at the door. They tried to ignore it but the person knocked harder ruining the moment. Feeling a bit defeated Dearka stood up and turned off the music. Setting ring down on the table he smiled at her and headed for the door.

As he opened it he received the shock of his life. Before him stood two people he never thought he'd see in person again. "Mother? Father?" He said dumbfounded. He was angry seeing his father again but happy to see his mother. It was a mix of emotions swirling in his mind.

"How long did you think you could keep this from me." He barked pushing past his son and into the apartment. There he saw the very pregnant girl stand surrounded by roses and candles. It didn't take him long to figure out what he had interrupted. "This is unacceptable."

"What are you doing here!" Dearka demanded.

"I came to meet the girl you made the biggest mistake of your life with. Looks like I was just in time to stop you from making another one." He sneered looking at Miriallia. She couldn't help but be scared with the way he was speaking.

Walking past the two men Kristen walked up to Miriallia. "You look well." She said hugging her. "Sorry for the interruption. We would have called but my husband didn't think Dearka would respond favourably." Turning back to her husband she said "Tad this is Miriallia Haww."

"I don't care what her name is" he spat.

"Tad!" She scolded.

"I'm sorry Kristen but I'm not going to pretend to be happy our son is with some pathetic little Natural. I don't know how she tricked him into this but obviously she used her body to trick him into betraying ZAFT in the first place."

"Listen here you can insult me all you want but don't you dare insult her especially not in our home!" Dearka warned.

"I can say whatever I want to about that slut!"

"Don't you dare call her that you bastard!" He yelled enraged.

"Tad! Dearka! That's enough!" Kristen warned.

Ignoring her his father continued "You think because you live on your own that you're all grown up. You are nothing but a spoiled little brat."

"I am grown up. I grew up the day I finally got myself away from you."

"You are an immature screw up! You ruined this girl's life and your own. And have the audacity to think you actually belong together. If it wasn't for this child she would toss you to the side like the rebound you are!"

"You bastard" he said under his breath before launching forward and taking a swing at his father. He nearly connected but his father quickly dodged. They began sparring as Kristen begged them to stop. She had hoped they could be civil but clearly she was wrong. They kept fight despite her pleas until Miriallia cried out in pain. "Miriallia" seeing she was holding her stomach he rushed to her side. "Are you okay?" He asked concerned.

She shook her head 'yes'. "I'm fine" she said through her pain. "It's nothing really. It will pass soon. Just like before" she assured him as she tried to breath through it. This didn't put Kristen's worry at ease.

"Dearka getting her on the couch" she ordered. Hearing her worried tone he quickly listened. Walking over in front of her she sat on the coffee table and asked "How long has this pain been going on?"

"On and off since yesterday."

"Miriallia why didn't you tell me" Dearka questioned.

"It's nothing Dearka" she tried to tell him. "The baby's not due for a few more weeks. It's just false labour. Remember we read about it."

Worried his mother said "Miriallia I'm going to ask you a few questions. I need you to answer them honestly ok?" Mir nodded. "Does the pain come and go? Or does it seem to be getting stronger and closer together?"

"Stronger and closer" she answered.

"If you shift your position does it seem to go away"

"No" she replied.

"Does it feel like a tightening or cramping that comes in waves, starting in the back and moving to the front. Getting more intense and painful over time?"

"That sound about right" Mir answered.

"Dearka get your keys" his mother said standing. "Tad whatever reason you had for coming here needs to wait this baby is coming now! We need to get her to the hospital."

"Mother you can't be serious" he blurted.

"I'm afraid I am. Those questions I just asked her are the ones you ask to determine false labour from the real thing. Judging by her answers she is going to have the baby soon. Now get your things and let's go."

The hospital couldn't have felt further away as Mir screamed out in pain. The contraction were getting worse. For a moment he was glad his parents were there. His father drove his car as he and his mother sat in the back helping Mir breath through the pain. Mir cried into his shoulder asking him why it hurt so much. He felt helpless. He wanted to make her feel better but he knew the only way for that to happen was for the baby to come into the World. Ready or not their lives were about to change.

When they arrived at the hospital Mir was taken to a room to wait until she was ready to push. Dearka's parents sat in the waiting while Dearka contacted her parents to let them know what was going on. When doctor walked in Dearka demanded why this was happening. "What going on? She not due for another few weeks."

"Don't worry Mr. Elsman. This is all normal. As we discuss at your last appointment the baby was fully developed. They going to be fine. You just need to stay calm and get ready, understand" Dearka nodded and headed to Mir's side. Soon it would be the moment of truth. He would hold his little one in his arms for the first time. And hopefully soon Mir would answer the all important question he had asked her.

Hours passed as they waited for her to be fully dilated. A few times he needed a break from hearing her cries of pain, switching out with her mother. He felt so torn. Guilty over the whole situation. It felt more real in this moment than it ever did before. He was going to be a father.

He was looking out the window at the night sky when Mrs Haww came walking out of Mir's room. She had been in labour for hours. He didn't know what to do to make things better for her. "She wants to see you" she said. He took a deep breath and headed back in.

"How are you feeling?" Seeing she was crying he rushed to her side. "Hun?"

"Am I a slut?" She questioned though her tears.

"What? Why would you think that?"

"I'm 17 and about to be a mother."

"That just means you made a mistake. We failed to use protection and now we're paying for it. But doesn't mean you're a slut. You are the woman I love. The woman I will always love no matter what."

"I love you too Dearka." She replied honestly. He looked at her surprised. It was the first time she had actually said the words. It felt better than he could have imagined.

The next few hours seemed like days but eventually Mir was finally ready to give birth and at 4:00 in the morning she was taken to a different room to give birth. Dearka went too so that she wouldn't be scared or feel alone. He soon regretted it though when he saw how much more pain his poor girlfriend was in. She cried and wanted to give up, but Dearka gave her some words of encouragement and she began to push once again.

He closed his eyes as he rubbed his girlfriend's back. He was feeling a little bit sick because he saw some blood. But he quickly opened his eyes when he heard the small cries of his newborn child. Mir leaned back on the bed and Dearka just looked in awe at the tiny little creature covered in blood and gunk. He felt his heart beat fast as he waited to know if he had a son or a daughter.

"It's boy" the doctor announced to the room. "Would you like to cut the umbilical cord?" He asked Dearka. He was hesitant at first but then nodded. He approached and the doctor instructed him on what to do. After cutting the cord the doctor said "We'll get him cleaned up and then you can hold him" they both nodded and Dearka returned to Mir's side.

"I did it" she whispered leaning her head on his shoulder.

"I knew you could. He's perfect."

They watched together as their son was washed and then weighed. He was a whopping 6lbs 7oz. Dearka couldn't believe something so tiny could cause so much pain. Or steal his heart so quickly. Watching Mir hold him for the first time he felt like he was falling in love all over again. The moment was perfect. They were perfect. Natural or Coordinator, none of that mattered anymore. She was the woman he loved and he was their first born child.

"Hi Zavier." She whispered softly to her son. "I'm your mother, and this..." she said looking up at Dearka's smiling face then back down "... he's your daddy. We love you, and we will always love you no matter what. We promise" she lightly kissed him on the forehead as Dearka kissed her on the top of her's they were happier in that moment then they had ever been. Nothing else mattered around them just their sweet little boy. Little Zavier Elsman.


	19. Chapter XVIII: The Deal

_**Love Trials**_

* * *

 **Chapter XVIII: The Deal**

After Miriallia and Zavier were settled into their hospital room Dearka went to the waiting room to share the good news. Their mothers were both excited to meet the new addition to their families. He invited them all to come meet his son. When they walked into the room Dearka watched as her mother rushed to her side to how she was feeling. His mother joined her seeming equally concerned. Mir's father sat next to her and held her hand as he listened to her talking to the two women. As for his father he seemed somewhere else entirely.

Dearka watched in surprise as his father walked over to the bed where Zavier laid. He looked down at the small baby with a look Dearka had rarely seen. It was a mix of many emotions. Dearka couldn't quite put his finger on it. But it seemed like guilt and regret.

"He looks just like you" his father said in hush tone. He then looked at Dearka and told him "You two should get some rest. You've been up all night."

"I'm fine" Dearka argued.

"You might feel fine now but the lack of sleep will cloud your judgement." he warned. "And you can't argue that she doesn't need sleep." He continued looking over at Miriallia who was barely managing to stay awake.

Dearka was surprised by his father's concern. "I guess some sleep wouldn't hurt." He admitted.

Reaching out his father put his hand on his shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly. "Just lay down for a while and enjoy this moment. You'll want to remember this morning for the rest of your life"

Dearka couldn't help but think his father was acting odd. When he first showed up he was angry that Miriallia was even pregnant with Zavier. Now he seemed to be almost like he could be a loving grandfather. He couldn't help but feel suspicious. But deciding his father was right about getting some rest he laid down on the folder out chair in Mir's room. Everyone left the three alone so they could get some much needed rest before more happy visitors came to see them.

Dearka watched Miriallia as she slowly fell asleep. Looking at her he couldn't believe how far they had come from the first day they met. His hate for her had completely melted away and replaced with a love he never knew he could ever feel. There was no doubt in his mind that this girl, this beautiful strong girl, was his soulmate. No matter what would come between them he would always love her, and he would always fight for her.

He fell asleep shortly after she did. He didn't know how long he had slept for but after some time he was woken but his father. He felt a little dazed and confused. It took him a second to realize where he was. Seeing the small baby sleeping in the hospital bassinet he quickly found his bearings. Sitting up he rubbed his eyes and asked "How long was I out?"

"A couple hours." His father informed him in a hushed tone, trying not to wake Miriallia and the baby. "You and I need to talk in private"

"About what?" Dearka questioned. He didn't like the idea of talking to his father alone. He had always made a point in the past never to be alone with the man. He had been burned too many times in the past by doing so.

"Just come with me" He said walking towards the door. Dearka wanted to argue but not wanting to wake his new family he decided to listen.

They walked down the hall until they found an empty room. His father stopped and talked to a nurse for a moment requesting not to be disturbed. Dearka watched as his father even slipped her some money to ensure his request was followed. He couldn't help but feel nervous about this. Together they walked into the room read for their apparent importance talk.

"So what is it that you want?" Dearka questioned. "You're acting strange"

Tad sat down on the bed and invited Dearka to do the same on the one beside him. Reluctantly he did. "I'm sorry." His father apologized. "I've never been the father you deserved. I've made my share of mistakes, ones I've never wanted or felt the need to say I'm sorry for."

"Father?" He said confused. "What the hell has gotten into you?"

"I'm afraid I didn't come for a social call" He confessed. "The Chairman has sent me"

Dearka felt like his heart dropped into his stomach. "Chairman?"

"Eileen Canaver stepped down. A vote was recently held. Gilbert Durandal is the new Chairman of the PLANTs"

Horrified Dearka stood up. "No!" It was like his worst nightmare coming true. He had focused his mind so much on Mir and her pregnancy that he never considered this moment as a possibility.

"You need to come with your mother and I back to the PLANTs… tonight" His father instructed in a serious tone.

"What the hell are you talking about! I can't leave Miriallia and our baby"

"You have to go back, you can't refuse the Chairman's request" his father insisted. "You remember the deal… "

 **Flashback**

Dearka walked nervously into the chambers of Councilman Durandal. He was still shaking from what happened. One minute he was being told he would be shot to death, the next he was being exiled. It was all too overwhelming. He didn't know what to think. He didn't know Durandal, yet he seemed to have voted to find him innocent. It was all so confusing.

"Councilman Durandal, you requested to see me?" Dearka said saluting.

"Please Dearka there is no need to salute. You're a civilian now."

Dearka looked at his hand for a second "Sorry, force of habit I guess." he said as he placed it to his side. "I'd like to thank you sir, for fighting for me. I never expected something like this would happen. The minute I was arrested I thought that was it. You gave me a second chance at life."

"Think nothing of it. When I heard your own father was planning on condemning you to death without hearing your side of the story I felt someone needed to fight for you. Who better than myself."

"Thank you." Dearka said sincerely. "So what is it you wanted to speak to me about?"

"I want to speak to you about your triumphant return to the PLANTs." Dearka looked at him confused.

"What are you talking about"

"Dearka I need you." He stated. "I looked up your records. You graduated third in your class in the Academy. In fact third of all the graduates to ever go through the ZAFT training programs. You were on the fast track to be a commander, like your comrades Yzak Joule and Athrun Zala. Your social standing was incredible. But all that was taken away by one questionable decision."

"I still stand by that choice" he insisted.

"I understand. That is what I like about you. Even in the face of danger you remained loyal to your own heart and beliefs."

"Thank you Sir, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Dearka I don't plan on being a councilman forever. Just like I'm sure you didn't plan on only being an elite soldier forever. You must have had bigger plans in your life."

"I wanted to be a Commander someday or even just a Lieutenant. But none of that matters now, I'm a civilian. And not of the PLANTs, I will be an Orb citizen in a few days."

"And if I could change that?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Like I said I have no intentions of being a councilman forever." He said standing up from his desk. "I may be aiming high but I want to be the Chairman of the PLANTs. I want to lead the PLANTs to a new future, a new destiny, far from the ideals of Patrick Zala."

"I don't understand how I fit into this. I'm being exiled."

"It is exactly how I planned" He explained. "Like you said you were guilty of many of the charges. You were going to be convicted no matter what. There was nothing I could do to change that. But I need you in the future, when I'm the Chairman. So I decided to persuade them to give you a different punishment"

"What exactly can I do? Why would you need me?" He questioned.

"I wish to forge a new future. I need trusted soldiers by my side. Who better than a man who literally owes me their life? Besides you have a certain set of skills and knowledge that I need… skills that aren't required by a soldier" Dearka raised an eyebrow at this confused. "You have quite the record, with young woman I've heard. The way you can convince them to do exactly as you want. No doubt a skill you can use in your military life, a life I hope to resurrect."

"What make you think you'll even get a chance to become the Chairman anytime soon? No offense but Chairwoman Canaver has been doing a remarkable job leading the PLANTs out of this dark time. She may be there temporarily but after a treaty is signed, chances are she will hold her position. If she does it will be four years before you even get a chance to try and take over. At that point you won't need me anymore, you'll have other soldiers who will be loyal to you, not a exiled traitor."

"Dearka… Something you'll learn about me is that I'm not a man you should refuse. When I tell you I wish to be Chairman what I really am saying is that I will be Chairman. And not in four years time. Canaver _will_ step down, I can assure you of that. Because that is my special skill." He said in an eerie tone of voice. "And you will help me if you want those you care about to stay safe."

"Are you really threatening me? My mother is the wife of a high ranking council member. Hurting her wouldn't go over well. As for my friend, as a new Commander in ZAFT, he's already making a great name for himself. Going after him will cause you nothing but trouble." Dearka said now getting angry.

"Who says they are who I'm talking about?" He said slyly. Dearka was about to say something when the door opened. In walked a young man with long blonde hair. He appeared to be a student of the ZAFT academy. "Ah Rey, thank you for joining us. Did you gather the intel I requested?"

"Of course Sir." He replied handing him a folder. Durandal looked thru the files in his hand and then turned his attention back to Dearka.

Sitting back down he smiled as he looked at the files. "Your betrayal always intrigued me Dearka Elsman. You were a top ranking loyal soldier. Perhaps not a model soldier according to your Commanding officer Le Creuset, but still well respected. Known to be arrogant, especially towards the Naturals who you were often heard referring to as 'weaklings'. Yet in the end you fought alongside those same Naturals. I started to wonder what happened to change you so much. So I had Rey here look into it. Turns out I was looking in the wrong direction. It's not a what but rather a who" He said tossing a photo onto his desk for Dearka to see.

Dearka picked up the picture and was shocked. "No…" he whispered inaudibly. The picture was of two young women running happily along a garden path. One blonde and the other one brunette. He tried to hide the fact that it was affecting him so much, but the councilman could see it plainly on his face.

"It didn't take long to figure it out." He explained. "A simple look at the ARCHANGEL's records and it was quickly discovered… Miriallia Haww, she's a lovely young woman. It would be a shame if something were to happen to her. Especially now that she is finally settling back into her life after such a terrible war." He said in a threatening tone.

"What do you want?" Dearka hissed in anger, never looking up from the photo.

"What I want is for you to return to the PLANTs and to ZAFT, when the time is right. And if you refuse... let's just say this girl will have difficulties in her life, if I choose for her to still have one that is. Of course if I never become Chairman like you believe, then you and this girl have nothing to worry about."

 **End of Flashback**

"... If you don't come back with us that girl is going to be in great danger. You can't protect her from him." He warned. "They got the best of you once. It can happen again." He said referring to the day Dearka had arrived back in Orb.

"How do I tell her that I need to leave?" Dearka said his voice cracking in a saddened defeat. "Last night I asked her to marry me, and this morning she gave birth to our son."

"You tell her that it's over. Whatever plans Durandal has for you chances are you're going to be gone for a long time, you may never even see them again." He remarked. "You need to cut yourself out of her life so she has a chance to move on."

"Move on! I don't want her to move on." Dearka spat. "I love her, she can't be with anyone else."

"Don't be selfish Dearka" His father hissed standing up. "Haven't you ruined that girl's life enough?" He demanded. "You knew this day would come. You should have stayed away from her. It would have been easier."

"I tried. But I found out about the baby"

"That shouldn't have changed anything." He argued.

"Just because you don't give a shit about me doesn't mean I don't care about Zavier." Dearka yelled angry. "He is my son! I'm not walking away from him. I want to do right by him."

"Whether you think so or not leaving them is the right thing to do. If you stay then his mother will be taken away from him."

Dearka knew his father was right, not that it made it any easier. He slowly walked down the hall alone, gathering the strength to do what needed to be done. Entering her room he saw she was still peacefully asleep. He smiled looking at her. He had never wanted a wife in kids ever in his life, but second he learned he was going to be a father everything changed. He saw his life in an all new light, a life where he could be happy. But that was a life as it turned out that was never destined to happen.

He took a few steps into the room and looked at his son. He was so small. Dearka studied every single aspect of Zavier's face. Reaching in he picked up his tiny little boy, lightly bouncing him to hush any cries about to burst out. "I love you" He whispered. "I know you won't remember, but I do. I need to leave you and your mother. I don't want to, but I have to. Goodbye son" Leaning down he kissed him on the forehead. Slowly he placed his baby back in the bassinet and headed over to Miriallia.

He started to reach over to wake her so he could end things when something caught his eye. It was just a simple pen and paper, but in that moment it seemed like his only salvation. He couldn't say the words 'goodbye' to her. He had done it once in his life way before he was in love with her. It nearly killed him then. He couldn't watch her cry because of him, not again.

Taking hold of the pen he started to write her a note. Maybe it wasn't the right way to do it, but it was all he could manage as tears threatened to roll down his cheeks. He cursed himself for grabbing that phone the day he came back to Orb. He fell for Rey's trick. He wanted him to go back to her, so she could weaken him. It was all some sick twisted game to them. One Dearka foolishly fell for.

"Dearka…" He heard his father say as he finished the note. "It's time"

Setting down the pen he placed the note on her side table. Leaning down he kissed his sleeping girlfriend on the forehead. "Goodbye my love" He whispered. "I will come back to you. I will find a way, I promise. Don't going falling for someone else on me." Kissing her softly on the lips he walked away and out of her life.


	20. Chapter XIX: Abandonment

_**Love Trials**_

* * *

 **Chapter XIX: Abandonment**

Miriallia woke up to the soft cries of her baby boy. Opening her eyes she saw her mother rocking him in the chair that was in the corner of the room. She smiled at her. Looking around the room it was filled with flowers, balloons and stuffed toys. Seeing she was awake her mother stood up and brought Zavier over.

"How are you feeling?" Her mother asked as she passed over the baby.

"Sore but better" She said taking hold of her son. Looking around she asked "Where is Dearka?"

"His mother said they were leaving for the PLANTs tonight. I'm sure Dearka just went to see them off." She speculated.

"Did he say when he would be back?" She questioned.

"I never spoke with him. He and his father seemed to be in a hurry when they left."

Miriallia was about to question further when there was a knock at the door. She was excited to see Cagalli and Athrun standing there with a large bunch of balloons. With starting to rule Orb Cagalli had very little time for friends. It had been weeks since they had spent time together. She was happy and honored that she took time out of her busy schedule to come visit her.

"Awe" She said as she approached. "He's so small" She remarked.

"Would you like to hold him" Mir asked.

Cagalli waved her hands in front of her "No!" She said sounding panicked. "No offence but I'm not ready for that kind of thing."

Mir laughed. "I guess it is kind of overwhelming." She admitted. Looking down at her boy.

"He looks just like his father." Athrun pointed out. Looking around he then asked "Where is he anyway."

"He went to see his parent off" Mir informed him.

"His parents were here?" He questioned astonished.

"Yes, they just showed up out of the blue yesterday. I'm not even sure why they came." She explained. "I didn't know it at the time but I was already in labour when they got there. Everything just a blurred between now and then."

"I hope everything is okay." Athrun said. "Dearka and his father don't exactly have the best track record for getting along."

"I'm sure everything is fine" Mir replied. "But I do wonder what is taking him. Could you hand me my cell?" She asked. Athrun looked on the table beside Mir, ignoring the note sitting on the side table he picked up the phone. Handing it over Miriallia began dialing Dearka's number. She was confused however when it started to ring in the room itself. "I guess he forgot it here." She commented as she hung up.

Taking back the phone he placed it back on the table. As he placed it back he noticed a folded piece of paper with Miriallia's name written on the outside. He recognized to writing immediately to be Dearka's. Something didn't seem right. Picking up the note he began to read it. "Athrun what are you doing?" Cagalli scolded. "You can't just read people's things without asking." He ignored her and began frowning at what he was reading. She could see a look of his face that worried her greatly. "Athrun?"

He looked away from them. "Mrs Haww, I think you should put the baby in his bed." He suggested.

"Athrun?" Cagalli questioned again. Seeing the look of his face Mir's mother listened, taking Zavier from her daughter. "What is going on."

Handing to note over to Miriallia they all watched as she read the note. It wasn't long before tears rushed to her eyes, falling down quickly. Dropping the note she sobbed uncontrollably. Cagalli feeling out of the loop picked up the note to read it:

 _Miriallia, I'm sorry but it's over and I'm leaving. There are no reasons that I can give that can make you understand this, but know that this is the right choice. I hope you and Zavier can find happiness without me in your life, as I will try without you both. For what it is worth I did love you, and probably always will. I know I can never ask you to forgive me for this but I hope you can still live the life we talked about. I want you to know I have no regrets when it comes to the life we had together, only that it had to end this way. The apartment is yours, it is all paid for. I'll ensure the two of you are financially taken care of as well. Goodbye Miriallia. May you find the peace you wished for after the war._

"That… that bastard" Cagalli whispered. "How could he do this to her!" She demanded.

Miriallia felt so lost the next few days. She couldn't understand why Dearka had done what he did. How could he leave her? Especially like that, with no real explanation. When alone with Zavier she couldn't help but stare at the fold out chair. The last time she had seen Dearka he was smiling lovingly at her from that spot. She kept hoping she was just dreaming and that he was coming back, but he wasn't. He left her. That was all there was too it. It was difficult when her father found out. She had never heard him so angry. She wanted to defend Dearka, to say there must have been some reason he did this to her, but she didn't know any. He couldn't even give her a reason for it all.

When Miriallia was finally released from the hospital her parents drove her back to her apartment she had shared with Dearka. She was nervous to walk in. It was the place they spent so much time together. The place they really feel in love. Unlocking the door they walked in. Looking into the living room she almost dropped the car seat as she shook with shock. Still lying about the floor was the now wilting petals from all the roses. She had forgotten about all of it. The most horrible part of it all was seeing the engagement ring still sitting on the table.

Walking into the apartment her mother closed the ring box and put it in a nearby drawer. "You should get some sleep" Her mother insisted. Helping her into her room they saw all Dearka's clothes were still in the closet. He had taken nothing. Was he really in that big of hurry to leave her? She didn't understand. As hard as she tried she just couldn't understand. He loved her. He proposed to her. Why? Why would he leave her?

 ***** The PLANTs *****

Dearka stormed down the halls of the Aprilius one base. He watched as the soldiers he passed by looked at him in shock. To many of them he had risen from the dead. He had been striped of his red elite uniform and now wore the uniform of a regular soldier. Not that he wasn't given some kind of perk. The Chairman needed him to have power. He was given the title of Second Lieutenant, to later serve under and unknown Commander. But first he needed to complete a special task the Chairman claimed only he could complete.

Getting in the elevator he punched in a code to take him to a secured basement level. As he walked out of the elevator he saw a young woman standing alone on a stage. He couldn't help but notice how plain she looked. She had narrow brown eyes, freckles and long dark grey hair. She was dress as a civilian. He was confused as to why a girl like that would be there of all places.

Seeing the Chairman and Rey and the foot of the stage he approached. He didn't understand what all this was about but dammit he was about to find out. "Chairman" Dearka said saluting as he approached.

"Dearka welcome." He said turning towards him.

"What are we doing down here?" He questioned. "And who the hell is that girl?"

"Her name is Meer Campbell." He informed him. "You are going to be leading her security team for the time being."

"Are you kidding me." He said angry and offended. "You took me away from Miriallia to watch some civilian? This is bullshit! Call me when you have a real assignment." Turning he started to head back to the elevator, but before he could take a step Meer began to sing. Her voice seemed to freeze him. If he didn't know better he would think it Lacus Clyne on that stage.

"Amazing isn't it." The Chairman said walking to Dearka side. "I'm sure you must have some understanding of her importance now. Clyne supporters still widely exist across the PLANTs, many who believe Lacus herself should be Chair. I need Meer to sway the people to accept me as their leader."

"There's one problem with that" Dearka argued. "She may sound like Lacus but her voice isn't enough. She looks nothing like her, without the visual that girl is useless."

"That will all be taken care of. The next time you see her she will be the Lacus Clyne I need to move forward with my plans."

"So why have _me_ guard her." He asked. "Why not get your little dog over there to do it" He questioned referring to Rey.

"Because being her bodyguard is only a front for what you will really be doing." Durandal explained. "This is where your _special_ skill comes into play. I don't want Meer Campbell to be an imposter. Pretending to be Lacus Clyne isn't good enough. I need you to work your magic and convince her she _is_ Lacus Clyne."

"You want me me to try and brainwash that girl?!" He demanded in disgust.

"If she doesn't see herself as Lacus no one will. She is instrumental for the PLANTs destined path."

"The path _you_ think it's destined to follow. How am I supposed to trust that is the right thing?" He retorted.

"Think what you will Dearka. But you will complete this task or I'll consider your failure as insubordination. You don't want to know what happens to those who fail me" He warned.


	21. Chapter XX: Damaged Soldier

_**Love Trials**_

* * *

 **Chapter XX: Damaged Soldier  
*** Early December 73 CE *****

In the months since Dearka left Miriallia a war broke out once again between Naturals and Coordinators. Many lives were lost and yet to be lost before it could all end. The final battle was in full swing as Kira Yamato entered the Requiem to stop the Chairman and his Destiny plan. Tensions in the battle were mounting as blasts were being fired from every direction. It took everyone's full concentration just to manage and stay alive.

Dearka could feel beads of sweat pouring down his face. Too much was riding on his success in this battle. The Chairman seemed to have gone mad with power. As he fired the Requiem he didn't seem to care if his own men were in range. This prompted Yzak Joule to order his team to fight to protect the ETERNAL and the Requiem's next target… Orb.

The fight was draining all his strength. As exhausted as he was he needed to keep fighting. With Orb being the next target he needed to do everything he could to stop it from firing. Thoughts of Miriallia and Zavier flooded his mind as he fought. He had given up too much protecting them to lose them like this. He needed this all to be over. The war and hopefully the Chairman's life. Afterall it seemed like the only way he could escape this nightmare.

He needed to start to make things right again. He was still full of such regret for the death of Meer Campbell. He had made her everything Gilbert wanted him to, all because he wanted to protect his family. He destroyed an innocent girl for what purpose he wondered. So that this battle could take place? So Durandal could amass an army to destroy all who opposed him. No, Meer's life… who she was before meant something, and Dearka killed that long before her untimely death.

 **Flashback**

He poured himself another Scotch. He couldn't remember how many he had had that night. Course most nights he seemed to lose count. He took a slow drink before setting it down and returning his attention to the girl in front of him.

She was beautiful by any man's standards. Her long dark grey hair had be dyed and changed into the perfect shade of pink. Her face had been through so many surgeries the old her was nothing but a memory. She was a whole new person or at least a new version of someone else. Meer Campbell was doing everything it took to become Lacus Clyne. She had the voice, acquired the look and now she was working on the image.

Dearka was tasked with teaching her how to become just like the real Lacus. Her looks and voice could only get her so far. He was chosen by the Chairman due to his supposably special skill. The skill to sway woman and bend them to his will. It was a skill he hadn't used in a long time. Since meeting Miriallia manipulating woman was the last thing on his mind. But that time was over. She was out of his life, possibly forever. There was no point in fighting who he was anymore.

"You look deep in thought" Meer remarked as she began to change out of her clothes and into night dress. She didn't seem to mind him watching her. In fact she kind of liked the attention. He took another sip of his drink, choosing not to respond. Walking up to him she traced her finger down along the bottle, from top to bottom. "You've almost drank the whole bottle again. What is it that you need to forget so badly." She questioned worried.

"Who says I'm trying to forget something?"

"Because no one who's happy drinks that much" She replied. "Did you lose someone?"

"You know that's not how this works Meer. You're not here to learn about me." She ignored him and slowly walked behind him humming a beautiful tune.

Leaning down to his ear she whispered "There are other ways to forget." Running one hand down his shoulder and to his hand she begged him to stand.

He didn't know what it was, if it was the alcohol or the depression he had found himself in for so long but he stood. Standing on her tippy toes she kissed him. Part of him wanted to fight it, but what was the point. Who did he really need to be loyal to anymore. It had been so long he strongly believed he would never see his Mir again.

The thought of never seeing the woman he loved again sent a spark of desperation through him. Taking hold of Meer's waist he pulled her tightly against him as he kissed her passionately. They stumped to the bed never breaking their kiss. Gently he laid her down and began kissing her neck.

"Umm… Dearka" she moaned. Hearing her say his name like that he froze. It almost had a sobering effect on him. Pulling away and looking into her eyes. "What's wrong?" She asked.

"Nothing" he said shaking off the feeling. Running his hand up her leg he smirked at her. "It's been a long time since I heard someone say my name like that. Forgot how much I enjoyed it." Locking his lips with hers once more he tried his best to avoid the thoughts of another that was popping into his mind.

Feeling he was still reluctant she wrapped her arms around him and whispered in his ear "Dearka, at some point you just have to let go of what you thought should happen and live in what is happening."

Looking back in her eyes he felt guilty. "Don't pretend you know what I'm going through" He whispered back "You'll never understand what I walked away from to be here." Sitting up he sat in front of her just looking at her.

Sitting up too she replied "I've spent the over a year of my life trying to become someone else. I've given up everything in my former life to be her. How can you think I'll never understand? What did you really walk away from that was so bad?"

Dearka looked away from her. He didn't want to answer. He stood up walking away from the bed he poured yet another drink, this time downing the whole thing at once. "It doesn't matter anymore." he answered. "What matters is the reason I'm here right now in this room. You know if you pull shit like this again you're never going to convince people you are her"

"It was just kissing" She argued.

"Lacus Clyne would never kiss me." He retorted. "She has eyes for only one. Haven't you been listening at all these past few months?"

"Yes I have…" She said sadly.

"You agreed to do this. It's not all going to be adoring fans and dancing around a stage. Everywhere around you people are going to question whether you are really her. She has more supporters in the PLANTs then anyone really knows. They will dissect your every more. If you continue like this you will fail at being her. Promiscuity is not Lacus. You can't throw yourself at just anyone. Do you understand that"

"I do understand." She confirmed.

"From now on Meer Campbell is dead." He announced looking back at her. "You are Lacus Clyne. The daughter of Siegel Clyne and former leader Clyne faction. The more you convince yourself of that the more useful you are to the Chairman. Trust me, you want to be useful to that man. Let that be my last piece of advice for you"

"What do you mean, you're leaving?"

"I'm being reassigned. You're more and more of Lacus everyday. The Chairman believes my work with you is done. Tomorrow I'll be introducing you to your new bodyguard. Her name is Sarah, she will be there with you at your first concert in a few weeks."

 **End of Flashback**

That day was burned into his memory. It was the day he broke through and convinced Meer to really leave her old life behind. He let her be used all the while knowing what the Chairman was capable of. He struggled knowing she died at the hands of the very bodyguard he handed her over to. Nothing he did could ever fix that mistake. Over a year he spent with her slowly chipping away who she was. He had even heard that in the end she had become delusional, truly believing that she was the real Lacus Clyne. The Chairman needed to pay for what he did to her, did to both of them.

They continued to fight to try to stop the Requiem. Dearka just wanted it to be over, and in a flash it was. A large explosion engulf the structure as it was destroyed, the Chairman still inside. Dearka had no remorse over this. He deserved it. After every life he ruin or had others ruin for him, he deserved to die. It was because of him Dearka missed everyday of his son's life. There was no fixing that.

Dearka thought it was all over when suddenly he was attacked by someone. It was a ZGMF-600 GuAIZ model. They seemed to be one of Durandal's supporters that didn't want to give up the fight. Dearka began fighting against him holding him off the best he could. As he fought him off his opponent managed to get behind him and hit the back of Dearka's mobile suit. This caused his air supply to begin leaking out. Next the enemy wrapped the arms of his suit around Dearka's and self destructed. Luckily his machine was strong enough to survive the blast. But he was losing oxygen fast. If he didn't get to a ship soon he would suffocate.

He tried to move his suit but controls were malfunctioning. "Dammit not again" He cursed as he slammed the keys. He started to feel faint as he struggled to breath.

As he attempted to figure out what to do a transmission came of his speaker along with everyone else's. _"This is Lacus Clyne from the Eternal speaking. I want to inform this to the ZAFT forces' head commanding officer. We believe that it is meaningless to continue further combat in this space region and do not desire such actions. We ask for your agreement of halting your forces at this present time. Will repeat once again we believe that it is meaningless to continue further combat…"_

Dearka watched as the horizon filled with hundreds of signal flares, symbolizing everyone withdrawing from the battle. In all his time as a soldier he had never seen anything like it. It was amazing and beautiful. It was over. The war was going to be over. Turning his attention back to his controls he attempted to send out a communication for help, but it wouldn't work. He felt his vision get blurry as he reached forward and sent out a distress call to all nearby ships before losing consciousness.


	22. Chapter XXI: Reunited

_****Love Trials****_

* * *

 **Chapter XXI: Reunited**

Miriallia watched in awe as the horizon filled with the light of flares. The war was over. She couldn't help but be happy. It had only lasted a few months. She hadn't lost much time with him. When the war began she made a difficult choice. Deciding to leave her son with her parents she left to do what she needed to do to help end the war before things got out of hand. She didn't know how long she would be gone but luckily for her the end was in sight. She felt so relieved.

As their pilots began to return to the ship a message came up on her screen. "Captain!" She yelled turning to Murrue. "We are receiving a distress signal from a ZAFT mobile suit!"

"What?"

"It's faint but it seems to be near the AKATSUKI"

"Have the pilot of the AKATSUKI recover the suit. If we're lucky the pilot inside is still alive."

Miriallia made contact with Mwu and he quickly recovered the suit. Bringing towards the ARCHANGEL he brought it into the hanger and waited for the pilot to emerge. A couple minutes passed and there was no movement. "You think they are dead?" Mwu questioned looking at Murdock.

"Only one way to find out" He replied heading to the cockpit. After a bit a messing around the door flew open and he went inside. He wasn't in there long before he started yelling "Get the medic!" He pulled out the pilot and floated down to the ground as the medic came forward and rushed to Murdoch's side. "I don't think he's breathing" He announced. Looking down at the pilot his identity was still unknown. His helmet was too fogged and cracked to see their face.

"We need to get his helmet off." The medic instructed. Slowly they removed the helmet and were shocked to see his face. It was none other than Dearka Elsman. Leaning down the doctor said "He's still breathing, but barely. Hand me the oxygen mask." One of the medical assistants handed a mask to him as they all waited to see if he would start to recover.

"You need to inform the Captain of this immediately." Murdock said looking at Mwu. He nodded in agreeance and headed for bridge.

On the bridge everyone seemed to be busy discussing the repairs needed and the plans going forward. When Mwu entered they went silent as Murrue stood to address him. "How is the pilot?"

"They have him on oxygen now. They haven't checked him for injuries yet but I think he should be fine, after all he was once one of ZAFT's top guns."

"What makes you think that?" Murrue questioned. "Were you able to speak with him."

"No, but I remember that face." He informed her. "Do you remember that ZAFT pilot that we held prisoner here, the one who defected in Orb?"

Murrue looked at him shocked. "Dearka Elsman?" She asked almost horrified. "It can't be" She looked over at Mir to see how she was reacting to the news. She seemed hurt and in shock. He was on the ship, after over a year and half of not seeing him he was there.

"It's not really all that surprising. I recognized the suit when I brought it in here. It was one of the ones that started fighting to protect the ETERNAL. Makes sense he would fight with us again doesn't it?"

"I don't know if anything makes sense anymore" She said sadly.

"Huh? What are you talking about?" He asked confused.

"It's complicated." She replied. "I'm going to go check on him. Please watch over the bridge in my absence." She instructed. As she passed Miriallia she gave her an apologetic smile. The last thing she wanted was to cause her anymore distress in her life.

* * *

Once Dearka began breathing on his own he was moved to the sickbay to rest. He was still unconscious. Murrue looked at the young torchured looking man. She had heard the story of what he did. How he left Miriallia for some unexplained reason after she gave birth to their son. It took a while before Mir told anyone. She lied at first saying she dumped him, never mentioning her son. It wasn't until it was too late to bring her back to Orb that they all learned the truth. Looking down at him she wondered why he would do something like that to her.

Hearing him groan she watched as his eyes slowly fluttered open. He looked at her confused for a second before sitting up. "You shouldn't sit up just yet." She suggested.

Holding his head for a second he asked "Am I on the ARCHANGEL?"

"Yes. We received your distress signal."

"I meant for that to only go out to ZAFT ships." he said seriously.

"I guess you made a mistake. But judging by the things I've heard about you lately making mistakes is a habit."

"What have you heard?" He asked cautiously.

"That you're a father, and that you abandoned both him and his mother the day he was born."

"Who told you that?" He questioned.

"I heard it directly from the source, Miriallia is here on the ARCHANGEL" He looked at her like she had two heads. He was both angry and concerned.

"Does she know I'm here?" He demanded.

"Yes." she confirmed. "But if you want to see her I can't guarantee she'll agree. She was very hurt by what you did."

"I don't want to see her. I just need my mobile suit repaired so I can leave."

"You really want to leave just like that?" She questioned surprised. "You don't think she deserves an explanation at least."

"Even if I had an explanation for why I left it doesn't make up for what I did. I left her with our newborn son. She was still so weak and tired from the whole thing and I was too big of a crowd to say goodbye. I did the very thing I promised her I would never do, I left." He spat frustrated and hurt.

"You didn't want to leave her" Murrue remarked.

"I loved her." He noted. "But love didn't matter."

"Why did you leave Dearka?"

"Don't you get it? It doesn't matter!" He yelled angry. "Leaving her, and all the things I did after, I don't deserve to ever see her again. Now get me off this ship and back to ZAFT" He demanded. For so long all he wanted was to be reunited with Mir but now it seemed like a selfish desire.

"Your suit is beyond repair." She informed him. "The best I can do is redvue with your ship. But that could take hours."

"I just need to get out of here." He replied. "However you manage to accomplish that is fine, as long as Miriallia doesn't have to have the heartbreak of seeing me again."

"I'll make contact with your ship then" She said standing up. "You should get some rest, you were almost killed just now."

Dearka laid in the bed slowly falling asleep. It hurt him to know Mir was on the ship, but also made him angry. How could she leave Zavier? She could have died in the war, causing him to lose the only parent he knew. How big of a fool was she? He wondered to himself. Closing his eyes he was ready for some much needed sleep.

He didn't know how much time past but he felt well rested when he was woken up by the doors opening. "You bastard" as girl's voice whimpered. It felt like a stab to the heart hearing those words, mostly because even after all this time he knew whose voice it was.

"You must be crazy" He asked without opening his eyes. "What the hell are you doing on this ship?"

"You don't have the right to judge me." She cried out. "You left me, you left us! For what? So you could rejoin the military? I thought you were exiled."

"It's not that simple" He replied. Opening his eyes he turned his head to look at her. He couldn't help but blush slightly looking at her. Her hair had grown out a bit, and she had become a bit taller, but it was still his Miriallia. The woman he wished he could see for months, but thought he would never see again. "You should be at home, Zavier needs you"

"Don't you pretend you know what he needs." She spat. "You left me alone to take care of our newborn. I didn't know what I was doing. My father would such horrible things about you and I tried to defend you but you can only defend someone for so long before… before" she suddenly burst into tears unable to speak anymore. She covered her face not wanting him to see.

"I know, I shouldn't of left you, but… I didn't have a choice" he argued as he sat up.

"Everyone always has a choice." she whispered. "There is the easy choice and the hard one. Tell me Dearka what choice did you make?"

"You're wrong." He retorted. "Sometimes there is only the hard choice. Leaving you was anything but easy, but if I didn't do it then… bad things would have happened."

"What are talking about?"

"It doesn't matter" He said trying to shut her down. "I left you that's all that matters isn't it. I know you want me gone right now, and I will be. Once the VOLTAIRE gets here I'll be gone, just like you want."

"Is that really what you want?" She questioned.

"It doesn't matter what I want. I'm enlisted. I can't just take off. Besides I don't deserve to go home, after everything I did I should just stay far away from both of you."

Mir looked at him and saw pain written all over his face. Relaxing a bit she sat on the stool across from him. "Other than leaving me what else did you do?"

He looked at her "Miriallia… do you remember that day we were left alone in here?"

"How could I forget? It was the only time I lost complete control over myself." She replied.

"That day I made a promise to myself I would be a better person. I failed at that. The day I left you… no before that." He corrected. "The day I invited you into my room and slept with you, I started failing. Even if you don't believe it, I think it was a mistake for us ever to be together. You were still grieving for another, and I was trying to prove that I could be more than my father thought I was. We didn't belong together, maybe we never will."

"Dearka, I got over Tolle's death a long time ago." She proclaimed. "Sleeping with you might have been a mistake that night but every time after wasn't. I loved you, at least I did then"

"I'm sorry for everything." He said. "My life has just been a series of bad choices and heartbreak, I never meant for you to get caught up in it all."

"Was I really one of those bad choices?" She asked.

"Yes, and no" He said. "You were the right choice for me in so many ways, but like I said, the timing was all wrong. Timing really is everything."

Awkwardly she tucked her hair behind her ear. "The VOLTAIRE denied our request for a redvue."

"What?" He questioned looking shocked.

"According to your Commander He has filed your official discharge papers." Dearka looked at her obviously in shock. "He wants you to return to Orb, he said right now that is where you belong."

"Yzak…" Dearka whispered.

"I was angry about it." She replied "So I stormed down here to yell at you. But when I look at you all that anger seems to melt away. I think… you should come home"

"Mir I don't des-"

"What you deserve doesn't matter" She interrupted. "Your son deserves to know his father. I don't have the right to deny him that, no matter how much I wish I could."


	23. Chapter XXII: Home

_****Love Trials****_

* * *

 **Chapter XXII: Home**

Dearka waited alone in his old apartment. Miriallia had gone to her parents to pick up their son leaving him to wait for them. Looking around the place they once shared together he couldn't help but notice how much the place had changed. He smiled looking at the walks that were covered in the most amazing pictures. Pictures of sunsets, landscapes but most importantly Zavier. He had changed greatly since the last time he had seen anything of him. Of course Zavier was now 18 months old. He had missed so much. It broke his heart to think of everything that was stole from him and his family.

As he looked about the room he noticed a drawer was partly opened in one of the end tables. Walking over he decided to close it but before he could he noticed something inside, something familiar. Reaching in he pulled out a small black box. He looked at it sadly as he popped it open to reveal the engagement ring he had purchased for Miriallia. " _After all this time, she still has this?"_ He thought. He was filled with more regret than ever remembering the state he had left their apartment in that day. His father was in such a hurry to leave that he didn't even allow him to clean up the apartment. He couldn't help but wonder how hard it was for her walking in the door that day seeing all he left behind.

Hearing the door begin to open he quickly closed the box and put in back in the drawer. Turning he watched as the door opened revealing Miriallia holding their son. He didn't know what to think looking at both of them. Truth be told he was frozen. Terrified of what to do. Did she want him to lovingly greet them? Or would that be a mistake. Did she ever tell Zavier who he was? Or was he even old enough yet to understand who he was. All his thoughts and questioned came to a halt when the little guy yawned and buried his face into Miriallia's shoulder.

"Are you tired?" She whispered to the little boy.

"Yeah" his little voice said, sending chills down Dearka's arms. He spoke. His little boy could speak. How many words had he missed his son saying. What else did he miss, could he have missed? It was all too much. In that moment looking at the two of them he felt tears building at the corners of his eyes. He tried his hardest to fight the emotions, but after months of pushing them down it was hard to contain.

"It's almost nap time, but first I want you to meet someone." Slowly she walked up to Dearka. Looking at him she could see how almost fearful he was. Smiling reassuringly at him she mouthed 'it's ok'. "Zavier I'll like you to meet Dearka." Removing his head from his mother's shoulder he looked at the man before him. He tilted his head as if Dearka confused him. "Say hi"

"Hi" Zavier said nervously.

"Hey little man" Dearka replied sounding just as nervous.

"He's your daddy honey"

"Daddy?" He whispered looking at her.

"Yeah. He's your daddy just like grampy is my daddy" She explained. Looking back at the man he seemed to just stare. Dearka found himself doing the same. He knew then this was the first time Mir was ever telling her son about him. Soon Zavier looked away and let out a big yawn, cuddling back into his mother. "Sorry. He's just tired. It's past his bedtime. We can try this some other time maybe" she suggested.

"Yeah… I should get a hotel or something. I'll come back tomorrow if that's ok?"

She looked at him for a second before looking away and saying "Why… why don't you spend the night?

"Really?"

"Yeah..." she answered as she walked away to but their son to bed. As he watched her walking away he made a sudden decision that he didn't want to miss anymore of his kid's life. He started to follow her and entered Zavier's bedroom. He smiled as Miriallia laid their son down and kiss him on the forehead. "Night Sweetie" she whispered as she brushed his blonde locks away from his forehead and kissing it. Slowly he began to doze off. Standing up straight she turned to see Dearka lovingly watching her. "We should talk." She suggested. He nodded in agreeance as they left the room together.

They sat down on the couch together. Dearka couldn't help but think that they had gone back to square one with each other. Everything he had done to create a happy and loving relationship between them was ruined in the moment he left her. Now he didn't know how to repair it or where to even start. "So… Tell me about Zavier" he requested, hoping to break the thick ice between them.

"Well he's…a happy baby. He starting to talk a bit, but most times it's hard to understand what he is talking about. He doesn't walk very well yet but once he gets walking a bit he always starts running, then he quickly falls. But doesn't cry…he giggles. He seems tough and brave… like… like his daddy" Mir looked up at Dearka quickly getting lost in his sparkling violet eyes. He was more handsome than she remembered. She could see that their year or so apart had taken a toll. He seemed to have lost weight and had a certain worn out look about him.

"He sounds like…he's a amazing kid" he replied equally lost in her eyes as she was in his. She looked more beautiful then he remembered. Her hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail, she was thin as she was before she had the baby. Then there was that smile, the smile that always drove him crazy. "You're amazing…" He whispered in a sluttury tone.

"...Dearka..." Slowly she leaned in towards him.

"…yeah?" slowly without even realising it they got closer and closer until their lips were touching. They shared a long passionate kiss. It had been so long since they had kissed each other. It was like all their pent up rage, frustration and love was coming out in one powerful kiss. Finally Mir broke the kiss and looked at him, not know what to do he said "I'm sorry Mir, I shouldn't ha-" Before he could finish she grabbed hold of his collar and pulled him down on top of her. Soon they were sharing another long kiss but this time it was Dearka who broke the kiss "Mir we shouldn't" he whispered.

"You're right" She replied pushing him off of her. Standing up he was surprised when she turned and grabbed his hand. "It'll be much better in the bed" she concluded in a very serious tone. He looked at her surprised but as she pulled him to his feet he decided not to augue. He wanted her and if she want him too who was he to deny her? As they closed the door to the bedroom behind them he knew it was going to be one memorable night.


	24. Chapter XXIII: Making Up For Lost Time

_****Love Trials****_

* * *

 **Chapter XXIII: Making up For Lost Time**

I was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen in his life. Lying next to him was the girl of his dreams, Miriallia Haww. The sunlight was shining in the window hitting the contours of her body perfectly. She had never looked more beautiful in the entire time he knew her. So many nights he had laid awake wishing for such a sight like this again. He couldn't believe he was actually home.

As he watched her sleeping her heard the noise of a child babbling to themselves. Looking over he saw the baby monitor. Zavier was awake. It melted his heart to hear his boy's ramblings. Slowly he pulled himself away from Miriallia and got out of bed. Slipping on his boxers he headed for his son's room. As he entered the little guy looked up at him. Dearka stood beside the crib looking down at him unsure of what to do. Finally he found a few words. "Morning kido"

"Heoh" Dearka laughed at how his son couldn't say hello yet. Yesterday it seemed like he was very grown up, but now looking at him he realized he was still a baby. There was still time from his to start making up for things.

Reaching down he pulled him out off his crib. As he pulled him towards himself he notice his diaper seemed a bit heavy. Looking around the room he saw the changing table. He was nervous at the thought of changing his first diaper but he didn't want to wake Miriallia up for something he should have been doing since the day his son was born. Luck for him changing a diaper wasn't that complicated. He still remembered the instruction he was given during one of their many parenting classes. Soon Zavier's diaper was changed and they were ready to start their day.

"Let's get you something to eat little man?" He said as he picked him up off of the changing table.

Taking him out into the kitchen he set him down in his high chair before starting to look through the cupboards. Seeing some applesauce he opened it and poured a bit into a small bowl. Grabbing a spoon he sat down in front of his boy and began to try to feed him. However as Dearka's hand approached with the spoon Zavier reached out and took it from him. He was surprised at first until he began trying to feed himself. Dearka laughed at his failed attempts before gently taking the spoon away from him and for the first time started feeding his son.

"Man you're one messy eater" He said as he grabbed a paper towel and wiped his face up a bit.

"He's still learning to feed himself" Dearka looked over surprised to see Miriallia was up and standing in the doorway. He lost all train of thought when he saw she was wearing a tight tank top and short shorts.

"Mommy!" Zavier yelled happily.

"I never thought I would see this" She said in a sadder tone than intended. The glow of the night before seemed to have worn off and the reality of their lives was sinking in. "It's… nice to see" she admitted.

"I'm not very good at it, look at him he's a mess" he pointed out trying to cheer her up.

"Guess that means the great Dearka Elsman isn't perfect after all."

"Come on, you learned that long ago." he argued light heartedly.

"Yeah I guess I did" She replied walking up behind him. Resting her chin on top of his head she said "You're doing fine." before kissing the top of his head and turning her attention to her little boy.

After feeding Zavier Dearka got dressed then they all went into the living room. Dearka sat on the floor and played with his son as Mir sat on the couch watching both of them. In her mind there was nothing better then this, her son playing with his father for the first time. It was magical.

"Mommy?"

"Huh?" Mir looked down to see Zavier holding her leg "Yeah honey?"

"I wike Daddy" he babbled, Dearka smiled hearing his son refer to him as 'daddy'.

"You do! Well that's good." She said expressively.

"he stay?"

"I don't know honey, why don't you ask him" the way she said 'him' sent shivers down Dearka's spine, it was said so bitterly. Dearka just kept looking at her then he felt something tugging on his shirt he looked down and saw his son.

"Daddy stay?" Dearka just stared at him sadly, could he stay? He was happier now than he had been in the longest time. But after everything he had done did he really deserve to have everything in his life become perfect again? But looking into his boy's eyes he realized it wasn't about what he deserved, like Mir said before, it was about their son.

"If your mother let's me I'll stay" after hearing that Zavier hugged his dad.

* * *

Later that day they went to the park and they all played together. Mir and Dearka took turns going down the slide with Zavier on their laps. Next was the swings Mir would push him and Dearka would pretend to be kicked in the head, making the love of his life and his son laugh hard. When they went on the teeter-totter Dearka was on one side and Mir and Zavier were on the other. The day was filled with some much needed fun and laughter.

After the park they got ice cream. Zavier's face was covered with the chocolate ice cream. Dearka laughed at his ice cream covered boy and took some napkins and started to clean him up. "You're such a mess boy" he laughed

"You're no better sweetie" Mir said as she picked up a napkin to clean the ice cream of her ex's face. As she wiped the ice cream off she noticed a strange look on his face. "What?"

He just smiled at her. "You're such a…a mom" he joked.

"Huh?" She looked up at him questioningly "What do you mean"

"The way you just cleaned me, it was very cute but very much like a mother, a good mother…I guess I was never really needed was I?"

"I needed you…more then anything" leaning across the table she kissed him lightly "Dearka… I want you to come see my parents"

"What? Are you crazy?" He spat surprised, not meaning to be so floored. "They must really hate me now." He concluded.

"Of course they do but if you want to be part of Zavier's life you need to fix things with them. My parents are an important part of his life, of my life too. When you abandoned us they were the ones who got me through it. They were their helping to raise him in the times it all was too much for me and I needed to get away."

"What do you mean get away?" He questioned.

"I'm not a perfect mother Dearka… far from it. It was hard. There were a few jobs I took that were far away. I would spend a couple weeks at a time overseas on old battlefields taking photos. I'm a freelance photographer" She confessed.

"Oh…" He replied unsure of what to say.

"When I was pregnant I never thought I would leave him, but I never thought you would leave us either. I was scared and lost. I made mistakes. I missed parts of his life for nothing and sometimes… most times I regret it."

"I'm sorry… you know if it's really that important to both of you I'll do it. Set up a visit with your parents. Honestly nothing can be as bad as that Christmas." He joked.

"Yeah… Hey listen… " She said nervously tucking her hair behind her ear. "Before I joined the ARCHANGEL again I was out on an assignment. Tomorrow I need to go and submit my work to my employer. I'll be gone most of the day. Normally my mother takes care of him when I have to go somewhere but if you want you could take care of him instead."

"Are you sure? You trust me with him?"

"You are his father."

* * *

That night was spent similar to the night before. Miriallia went to put Zavier in bed, Dearka watched from the doorway as she did so. After they sat back on the couch ready to talk privately. As they sat there together they seemed to lose their words. But with so many questions nagging her Mir felt the need to get them answered.

"Why did you leave Dearka?" She questioned looking at him.

"It's complicated"

"Complicated? Is that all I get?"

"Miriallia… I just want to forget all about ever leaving you. It was the worst months of my life."

"Just because you want to forget it doesn't mean you can. I can't just forget that you left us"

"I know… I want you to know that there wasn't a single day that passed by that you two weren't on my mind. I never stopped loving you"

Hearing those words she felt weak. She still loved him. Leaning in she kissed him, soon they ended the evening the same way they didn't the day before.


	25. Chapter XXIV: Reality

_****Love Trials****_

* * *

 **Chapter XXIV: Reality**

Dearka sat on the floor with Zavier watching him play. It was just the two of them for the day. Mir was off selling her photos leaving them to bond. They seemed to play for hours. It was exhausting. Dearka had no idea how much work taking care of a child actually was. Eventually Zavier had completely worn out and fell asleep. Picking him up Dearka took him into his room and laid him down in his crib.

He walked back out into the living room just in time to see Miriallia walk through the door. "How was your day?" He asked.

"Fine" She said tilting her head as she gave him a strange look.

"What?" He questioned confused.

"It's nothing… you just look like you had a rough day." She remarked looking at his dishevelled clothes and hair.

He looked down at himself then back at her. "Guess I didn't realize how demanding a child can be. But I wouldn't trade it for the world."

"Where is he?" She asked looking about the room.

"I just put him down for a nap."

"Oh…" she said sounding disappointed.

"Ahh… did I do something wrong?" he worried seeing her face.

"No" She replied as she turned to hang up her coat. "I just… I guess I wasn't expecting to be alone with you." He could tell she was nervous. He had been back in her life for a few days yet still she had a hard time being around him. It seemed like she just was kissing and sleeping with him to avoid the awkwardness. Now with it being the middle of the afternoon she wasn't sure what to do with herself. Turning to look at him she smiled slightly. "Umm… I talked to my parents."

"How did that go" He asked motioning for her to sit on the couch with him. They sat down and she replied.

"Not well. They didn't know yet that you were back in our lives." She confessed.

"You didn't tell them when you picked him up the other day?"

"I guess I chickened out. It's not exactly easy to tell your parents that the guy who was supposed to love you then abandoned you is back in your life." she spat bitterly.

"Mir…" he said reaching for her hand, she quickly pulled it away from him.

"No Dearka." sliding down the couch away from him she continued "I feel like I don't even know what to do with you anymore. Part of me wants to pick up where we left off, but it's been a year and a half. And after what you did to me how can it ever be the same? I don't know you anymore Dearka and I'm not sure I ever did."

"I'm the same guy who loved you. The same one who held your hair when you had morning sickness. Who went to a million parenting and birthing classes with you. And who held your hand when you brought the most amazing little baby into this world." he proclaimed.

"What if that's not enough. You left for a reason, one you still haven't told me. If you can't convince me that you staying here is the right thing then how are we supposed to convince my parents this is right?"

"You asked me to come here. I was ready to stay away if that's what you wanted."

"Thanks Dearka I'm sure my parents will love hearing that" She spat as she stood up and started to storm off.

"Hey wait" He said in a hush tone as to not wake Zavier. He quickly followed her as she went in the bedroom. "What has got into you today?" He questioned as he closed the door behind him.

"Why did you leave?" She demanded. "I don't understand. You proposed! Then the next day you left me"

"I loved you, I did. But leaving… it was something I had to do."

"Why!?"

Walking up to her he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her in tight. "It doesn't matter anymore." He whispered as he kissed her neck. "What matters is that I'm home, and I promise I'll never leave you again."

"Your promises mean nothing anymore" she protested trying to push away from him, but he just pulled her in tight.

"Then promise yourself you'll never let me leave you again" She looked up into his eyes and was suddenly so nervous. Like butterflies we flying around in her stomach. She knew she was falling in love with him again and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Standing on her tippy toes she kissed him.

It wasn't long before the talking was over again and their clothes were tossed about the floor. Dearka was doing anything he could to avoid talking about his time away from her. It was a dark time, a time he did things he regretted. Being back with her he felt like the light was entering his life again. Like he could be happy. They laid in bed together cuddled up. Hearing Zavier wake on the baby monitor Mir got up and dressed. Without looking or speaking to Dearka she left the room.

The next few days seemed to fly by. Everyday was filled with Dearka attempting to bond with his son. Every time Zavier would go to sleep Mir would try to get him to talk about his time away and why he left. After a short argument they always seemed to wind up in bed together. Before they knew it it was the day Dearka was supposed to met with her parents. Miriallia and Zavier sat on her bed as they watched him nervously go through his old boxes of clothes trying to pick out what to wear. He seemed anxious to say the least.

"They don't care what you wear" Miriallia said getting a little irritated at how long he was taking.

"I know" He said sighing. "I just… I want to get this right." Finally he pulled out some clothes and headed off into the bathroom to change.

When he was done changing they all headed down into the parking garage together. Mir handed Dearka the keys to her car while she put Zavier in his carseat. As they drove to her parents house so many questions seemed to swirl in Miriallia's head. Why did he leave her? Would he have ever come back to them if it wasn't for his mobile suit being damaged? When she told him his son needed him did he really care? Did he love their son or was he just someone he needed to spend time with to get to her? Did he leave her because of their son? Was being a father what really drove him away? What wasn't he telling her?

Dearka could tell she was lost in thought. Reaching over her took her hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "You seem tense" He remarked. "Is everything okay?"

"Are you really going to stay this time or am I just fooling myself by letting you back into my life?"

"Huh? Mir I told you I'm not leaving, not if you want me to stay"

"You left. You were done. It was over, so why come back?"

"Miria-"

"What was I to you?" She blurted. "Was I just a mistake that felt you needed to play out. Just some girl you can have your way with and manipulate"

"Miriallia it's not like that" He argued. Looking in the rearview mirror he was relieved to see Zavier was asleep and not hearing the start of yet another argument between them.

"Then what! What is it like?" she demanded.

"Can we not do this in front of the B-A-B-Y?" Dearka knew that he was asleep but he didn't want the fight escalating, especially since his method of ending their fights wasn't an option at the moment.

"Why? Because you don't want me to figure out the truth. You regretted us! Our parents were right all along. We were all wrong for each other and we couldn't see it. You ran away! The first chance you got you left with the one person you hate most in your life just get away this"

"You know nothing about why I left! I regretted everyday. I wanted to come home to you. It just wasn't an option!"

"Liar!" She yelled her voice full of rage.

"What the hell do you want me to say!? That all I'm here for is to sleep with you a few more times!"

"I knew this was a mistake. I should have never let you see him."

"You don't know anything!" He screamed angrily waking up Zavier. His cries filled the car as Miriallia and Dearka continued to fight.

"How can I?" She spat back. "You refuse to tell me anything!"

"Just say it! Tell me how you really feel Miriallia Haww!"

"I wish you would just leave our lives and _never_ come back! Dearka Elsman I _hate_ you!"

"And I still love you" he whispered calmly.

His eyes flashed over to met hers for a second. He watched as her tear filled open wide before she yelled a blood curdling scream of his name "Dearka!"

"Huh?"

"Dearka look out!" she screamed at the top of her lungs as she pointed out the windshield.

Dearka turned his head to look where she was pointing. Everything in the next few seconds were a blur as everything went black. The last thing Mir could remember was the screeching cries of Zavier and the crunch of metal on metal.


	26. Chapter XXV: Pain and Memories

_****Love Trials****_

* * *

 **Chapter XXV: Pain and Memories**

Everything was a blur. She felt like she was bond unable to move. Light passed quickly over head as she heard people talking around her. Shifting her eyes over she saw a man dressed in a white lab coat. "Stay with us." He said calmly looking down at her. "Everything is going to be okay." Her mouth curled into a small smile as she closed her eyes. In that moment several parts of her past came rushing back as her life flashed before her.

* * *

She looked at the screen in horror as the words 'Lost Signal' popped up on her screen. ZAFT was readying for another attack. They needed the STRIKE and SKYGRASPER she thought. They had to be still out there she convinced herself.

"Kira, answer me! Kira! Tolle! Tolle!" She screamed out trying to make a connection with them. But it was no use. Before she could try again a hand reached over stopping her from any further communication. "Huh?" Looking over she saw it was the lieutenant.

"There's not point" She informed her. "It's clear Ensign Yamato and Crewman Koenig are MIA"

* * *

She walked like a zombie through the hanger. The pain was too much to handle. She was in denial. Seeing the SKYGRASPER simulator she rushed over to it in hopes of seeing her boyfriend there like she had so many times before. But he wasn't. Seeing her the Commander rushed over.

"Hey!" He yelled.

"Tolle?" She questioned sadly in a whisper as she looked in the simulator.

"Hey there…" Mwu said unsure of what to really say.

Hearing his voice she turned to show her tear filled eyes. "Where's Tolle? It… it just can't be true." She blurted her voice shaking. "Tolle can not be MIA. It's not true because… because…" She manage anymore words as she fell to her knees crying.

"Dammit!" She heard him yell as he punched the simulator in frustration.

* * *

Mir felt stiff in Sai's arms as he guided her down to the mess hall to get something to eat. She wasn't really hungry although she couldn't remember the last time she had eaten either. As they walked down the halls they noticed many other soldiers gathered against the walls. They stopped next to the ship's pilot as they heard an unfamiliar voice echo through the area. "Quit poking me like that!" They demanded. "I'm injured you know." Looking down the hall they saw a man with his arms bound behind his back. "Yesh, how long were you going to keep me tied up like that?"

"Shut up!" One of the soldiers guiding him ordered.

Seeing the confusion of the two Arnold decided to explain who the guy was. "He's the BUSTER's pilot. He's still young."

As the prisoner passed them by he seemed to notice Miriallia causing him to stop. He moved his face close to her's. "Whoa" He smirked. "You've got at least one cute girl on board this ship" As he said those words their eyes connected. There was a single suspended moment where she felt something she didn't quite understand. It went away, however, almost as fast as it had come.

"Hey!" The guard scolded trying to get him away from the grieving girl.

"But give me a break" He said in disgust as he leaned away. "What's with the tears" He mocked. "I should be the one crying here."

* * *

"Just wait inside her okay? We'll get you a prescription or something from the doctor. Something so you can get some sleep. Sound good?" Sai asked trying to reassure her that she was going to be okay. He then left the room to speak to a very flustered Fllay. Slowly Mir staggered into the room and sat on the small stool. She was lost in her own thoughts when a voice pulled her out of them.

"Hey Doc?"

"Huh?" She looked over and saw the ZAFT soldier. Standing up quickly she backed up and just stared at him, frozen.

"Why are you staring at me?" He questioned. "You afraid of me? Find me unusual?" The cockiness in his voice disgusted him. "Relax would yeah. I couldn't be more tied up." Sitting up he showed her his bond arms that were tied to the wall itself. Laying back down he closed his eyes as he continued to speak. "But… what I wanna know is why are you crying again? I'm kinda surprised that a ship like this has such a cry-baby on board. You've got no business being a soldier if you're that afraid…" Mir looked over to the door hoping that Sai would come, but instead she saw something else. A long sharp knife "…or maybe you're good-for-nothing natural boyfriend went and died on you or something"

She had had enough. Lunging towards him with the blade she tried her best to end his rant. Lucky for him he opened his eyes in time to see the shine of a knife. "Ahha!" she screamed. Quickly he dodged the knife. Backing into a corner he had nowhere to go with the rope restraints.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked as he looked at the very distressed looking girl "Damn!"

* * *

So much had happened in the first few days she had known Dearka. She had lost the boy she loved. She thought she had lost a friend also. The war was finally taking a toll on her. To have someone like him enter her life at that point was too much. She thought he was a horrible person. But he wasn't. In the months to follow she fell in love with him more than she thought was possible.

* * *

Mir stood only a few feet from him looking upset. He didn't know how to react. Why was she so upset he wondered. Standing up he looked at her frowning in confusion. He was more confused when she reached forward and touched his arm gently for a few seconds.

"What are you doing?" He questioned looking down where her hand had been.

"I needed to know you're real… that you didn't die out there" She replied sadly looking away from him.

"Why would you think I was dead?" He mocked.

"I lost your signal…I saw the same message I saw… when Tolle was killed." She whimpered, hearing this his frown softened. "I was terrified you were gone. That I would never see you again."

* * *

Miriallia didn't know what to think when she entered the living room. The most romantic instrumental music was softly playing in the room. Roses on each end tables with petals scattered about. Several candles were also lit. In the middle of it all dressed in dress pants and a button up shirt looking both nervous and confident was Dearka.

"What is all this?" She questioned. Her heart couldn't be beating any faster than it was in that moment, that perfect incredible moment. Slowly she approached him. When she was only a couple feet away him her began to speak.

"Miriallia… since the moment I met you I knew I could never forget you. You are the most incredible person I've ever the pleasure of meeting. You make me feel weak in all the best ways. I love you Miriallia, and I can't imagine going one more day without asking you this." Mir felt like she was about to cry as he knelt down on one knee and pulled a small black box out of his pocket. Slowly he opened it and reveal a beautiful diamond ring. "Miriallia Haww… with you marry me?"

* * *

Miriallia woke up suddenly. She was so confused of where she was. Her head was pounding and she felt like she had just had one hell of a dream. Slowly opening her eyes she reached her hand up to touch her head. She was surprised to see and IV attached to her arm. Looking around the room she saw many get-well-soon balloons and flowers. She then turned her head to see her mother half asleep in chair next to her.

"Mom?" She whimpered.

Hearing Mir's voice she opened her eyes and looked at her surprised. Quickly she reached forward and took hold of her hand. "I'm here dear… everything is going to be okay. I promise."

"What happened?" She questioned confused.

"Honey… what is the last thing you remember?" She asked.

"I… I don't know. I remember we… we were driving…" She recounted. "We were going to go visit you… and… and… I don't remember" Looking down at the bandages she started to cry.

"It's okay."

"Where's Zavier?" She questioned as she sobbed.

"He's with your father. He's fine." She reassured her. "Just some little scrapes and bruises, nothing serious. Your father took him to the park to play." Mir nodded sadly looking around the room she notice someone was missing. Her heart sank as she realized who that was. Zavier was fine. She was injured but was definitely going to recover. But what about…

"And Dearka?" She watched as her mother broke eye contact. She could tell she was having trouble finding words. "Mom? Mom where's Dearka?" She questioned. "He's okay right? Just a few scratches?" She didn't answer. "He has to be okay, please mom…please… He can't… he just can't be..." She sobbed.

"Miriallia… I don't know what to tell you." Her mother finally said. "You should get some rest. I'm going to go get the doctor. They'll want to do an examination now that you are awake." Getting up she left her by herself.

Closing her eyes Mir cried alone in her room. As she tried to calm herself down she started to remember the accident. She remembered Zavier's cries. She remembered feeling the car whip around before the crunch of metal. It was then she came to the realization that what her mother didn't want to say was that Dearka Elsman, the man she was still madly in love with and father of her child was dead.


	27. Chapter XXVI: In This Quiet Night

_****Love Trials****_

* * *

 **Chapter XXVI: In this Quiet Night**

As Miriallia slept her last words to Dearka kept playing on her mind. She hated him. That's the last thing he thought. He died thinking the woman he loved hated him. It was the worst feeling in the world to have said that. As she laid there she realized he was never coming back this time. As hard as it was before living without him at least there was still hope. Why did she give him such a hard time? Why couldn't she just be happy to have him back? Why couldn't she compliment him on being a good father? Thank him for trying? She knew he was stressed about seeing her parents but she added to that stress by still pestering him about his past. How was that fair?

As she slept she began to hear someone singing. Looking over she saw Lacus Clyne was sitting next to her bed with Zavier sitting on her lap. Mir smiled at both of them. Lacus smiled sympathetically at her. She could tell Mir had cried herself to sleep. It was clear from her puffy red eyes and tear stained cheeks.

"Again! Again!" Zavier said clapping his hands.

"Okay. _In this quiet night, I'm waiting for you. Forgetting the past, and dreaming of you. Time passes by, and memories fade. But time can't erase the love that we've made. And the stars in the sky, that I wish upon can't bring you back to my side."_

It was hard listening to the Lacus's song. Her mind flooded with the thoughts of how she would never see Dearka again. She would hear him laugh again. Never be able to forgive him for leaving her. For being gone so long. Every happy time they once had were only memories, never would they make any new ones together.

" _Though you're not here with me I dream of the day we'll meet again… Hold me close, so deep in your heart. I will find you, no matter how far I have to go. And dream of me, for I will be there. Follow the stars that lead into the quiet night."_ Looking over at her friend she suddenly regretted her choice in song as tears flowed quickly down her face. "How are you feeling?" She said hoping to get the girl out of her own head.

"It all just feels like a dream… just a horrible terrible dream."

"Someday, this will just be a memory." She assured her. "I promise." They were quiet for a little while before Lacus suggested "Visiting hours are almost over. It's getting late. How about I take Zavier home to rest? If that's okay with you. Then your parents can bring him back tomorrow when they come to visit." Mir nodded 'yes'.

After trying for a while to fall asleep Miriallia decided to go for a walk. She needed to stop thinking and just move. Walking through the halls she remembered the last time she was in the hospital. It was when Zavier was born. She remember Dearka being by her side the entire time. She remembered falling asleep to him watching over her before waking up all alone. It was hard to believe that walking through this hospital that he had left her all alone again.

As she limped around the halls she did her best to avoid the doctors and nurses. The last thing she wanted was for them to tell her to return to her room. She was about to go around the corner when she heard two nurses talking. "It just terrible isn't it." One of them said.

"Is it true they were just teenages?" The other one asked.

"Yes. Eighteen and nineteen. Their baby's about one and a half I heard" Mir felt a lump in her throat. Were they gossiping about her accident? Leaning closer to the wall she tried to hear them better. "The EMT said the driver's side was so damaged and crushed they had to use the jaws of life to get him out."

"It's a miracle that the baby only had a few scratches. If he had been behind his father's seat than…"

"I know, it's horrible to even think about. Apparently the other vehicle was coming straight at them. It should have been a head on collision but the young man managed to swing the car around just in time to take the full impact himself. Investigators say it might have saved his girlfriend's life."

"He must have really loved his family… I don't know if I would be able to sacrifice myself like that"

"I don't think you would be able to react that quickly. My guess is the guy was a coordinator."

"Really?" Hearing them recount the details of their accident caused Miriallia's knees become weak. Slowly she slide down the wall to the floor. It was hard hearing the details but no one else was willing to tell her anything. It had been two weeks since the crash. She was unconscious for half that before waking. For days she was being treated with kid gloves. It was time she learned the truth. "I guess you're right. You know I heard someone say he was awake when the rescue workers got there. He watched as they got his family out. He was crying the whole time begging them not to let his family die. And when the EMT's pulled him ou-"

" _Attention all staff there is a patient missing from room 534, Miss Miriallia Haww. Please be on the lookout for this patient and return her to her room immediately after you locate her. Repeat there is a patient missing from room 534, Miss Miriallia Haww. Please be on the lookout for this patient and return her to her room immediately after you locate her. Thank You."_

"Huh? I guess we better get back to work."

Miriallia watched from the floor as the two nurses walked by. She buried her head in her knees as she sobbed. She didn't know what to do. Everyone was looking for her, but she wasn't in the mood to go back her room. Her room was filled with get well wishes. Taking a deep breath she looked up just in time to see a familiar silver haired young man walk by. Shocked she pulled herself to her feet. She watched as he and a young woman walked hand in hand into the intensive care unit.

She could believe her eyes. Moving as fast as she could with a hurt ankle she followed them. They went far down the hall before stopping in front of a window. When she was close enough she yelled "Yzak? Yzak Joule?"

The man turned and looked at her shocked. "Haww?! What the hell are you doing over here?" He asked.

"What are you doing in Orb?" She demanded when she reached him. For a second she saw his eyes shift from hers to the window and back. She frowned noticing this before turning to look through it. "Oh my god" She whispered as she covered her mouth.


	28. Chapter XXVIII: Condition

_****Love Trials****_

* * *

 **Chapter XXVII: Condition**

"Dearka look out!" he heard Miriallia screamed at the top of her lungs as she pointed out the windshield. As he turned his head to look where she was pointing he felt his soldier instincts kick in. Zavier screamed and cried while Dearka grabbed the steering wheel and turned it hard. There wasn't enough time to get out of the way, but he knew with force the of the other vehicle the only way for Mir and Zavier to survive would be to take the full impact himself. As they swung around Miriallia hit her head on the window and lost consciousness.

Dearka didn't feel anything but worry as he waited for help to come for them. He didn't pay attention to the steering wheel jammed into his stomach or how crushed his leg was. Instead he reached his hand to the back seat where his son was still crying. He creased his face and said "Zavier it's going to okay buddy. Shh… it's going to be okay son. Daddy's here." He didn't know what his son thought was going on, but it was easy to tell the little guy was scared. Hearing the sirens Zavier cried more and more. "Shhh… that's help kiddo. You're safe okay. Everything is going to be okay." he tried to convince his son just as much as himself. Finally Zavier started to calm down.

He could hear the emergency crew speaking outside the cars. First they check the vehicle that hit them. He overheard them saying the driver was DTR. He wasn't sure what that meant but looking out his window he quickly figured out it meant that the guy was dead. Turning back to Zavier he tried to keep him calm and occupy his attention. Finally and EMT came to Mir's door. Grabbing his radio he spoke into it "We have two teenagers, female and male. Male appears to be in condition blue." Hearing him speak Dearka looked at him. The man seemed surprised he was still conscious.

With tears flowing down his face he begged "Please… our son. Get him out of here."

Looking in the back seat the man saw the baby. Grabbing his radio again he said "We also have a baby age-"

"Eighteen months" Dearka informed him.

"Eighteen months" He repeated. "No visible injuries." Turning his attention to Dearka he asked "What is your son's name?"

"It's Zavier. Zavier Elsman or Haww I'm… I'm not sure."

The EMT looked at him confused before asking. "Is this young woman his mother?"

"Yes."

"What's her name and how old is she?"

"Her name is Miriallia Haww, she eighteen."

"Okay now what's your name, how old are you?"

"It's Dearka Elsman, I'm nineteen. Now please just help them you can't let them die. Not here. Please I can't lose them again. Just help them." He begged.

"You need to stay calm Dearka. I'm going to get them out of here I promise. They are both going to be okay." He assured him. Dearka watched as more emergency workers came to their side. Soon Zavier and Miriallia were both in ambulances racing off to the hospital. Finally alone he looked down and realized how injured he really was. There was so much blood. Suddenly as the adrenaline started to wear off the pain began to overwhelming him. He felt faint. "Dearka… Dearka listen to me" The EMT said. "You need to try to stay awake. Do you understand. We are going to get you out of here"

"She never answered my question" Dearka said shaking his head as he leaned it against the headrest.

"Dearka?"

"I asked her to marry me… she never answered, never got a chance… I left her all alone… why would she ever want to be with me? I should have never come back."

"Dearka look at me." He turned his head to look at the man. "I don't know what is going on in your personal life, but you and that young woman have a child together. I want you to focus on him right now. Focus on getting home to your little boy okay."

"I'm going to die aren't I" he concluded. "I'm never going to see them again. I survived fighting in two damn wars yet I'm taken out but some idiot driver. Talk about cruel irony. "

"Don't think that way. We are going to get you out of here and to the hospital. Your family is there. Just concentrate on making it to them."

* * *

Miriallia cried as she looked through the glass. There laying in bed was Dearka. She was horrified at the sight. "Oh my god…. Dearka? Is that really him?" He was covered in bandages. Looking she could see his right leg was elevated, but something didn't seem right about it. "What wrong with his leg?" she asked concerned.

"He lost part of it in the accident." Yzak informed her. "It was crushed by the other vehicle. They did what they could to save it."

"Why didn't anyone tell me? I thought he was dead" She cried looking at Yzak and Shiho. He didn't seem to want to answer so Shiho stepped up.

"He's still in critical condition." She informed her. "Your parents thought it was best if you didn't know, in case he doesn't make it."

"I want to talk to his doctor" She demanded as she wiped away her tears.

Yzak scoffed at the idea "And exactly is your relationship with him"

"I'm well…"

"You are just a girl he knocked up when he was 17" He spat. "Nothing more. Being with you was his biggest mistake. He lost everything because of you. His home, his family, his dignity, his freedom, now he's even crippled because of you!"

"Yzak!" Shiho scolded

"How did I take away his freedom?" She asked. "Because of Zavier?"

"No, because he fell for you." He retorted. "You made him so weak that the Chairman was able to manipulate him. Force him to do terrible things so that you wouldn't be hurt"

"What are you talking about?" She asked confused.

"You want to know why he left you? Because the Chairman said he didn't return to ZAFT you wouldn't see another day. He left to save you. Did whatever Durandal commanded him to do despite his own personal feelings." It was then Miriallia realized why Dearka didn't want to talk about his time without her. It was because he didn't want her to know that her life had been in danger. That even though he loved her leaving her was the best thing for all of them. How torturous it must have been for him.

"Is he allow visitors?" She asked.

"No."

"But we could cover for you if you want to sneak in" Shiho offered.

"What?" Yzak blurted surprised.

"Come on Yzak, she's already snuck out of her room. No one is going to be surprised to find her in there with him. Besides if it was you in there I would do anything to be by your side no matter what anyone did to try and stop me."

"Fine! You have five minutes Haww" he ordered. Mouthing a thank you she quickly snuck in Dearka's room.

She felt frozen seeing him. Taking a deep breath she headed of towards him. Seeing a chair beside his bed she sat down to rest her sore ankle. Taking hold of his hand she smiled. "Dearka… I'm so sorry for… for everything. I want you to know I don't hate you. I tried for so long when you were gone to hate you but I couldn't. I loved you, I _still_ love you. We've been through too much together for it all to end like this. I need you, Zavier needs you. He's only known his father for less than a week. That's not enough." Losing her words and courage she took a deep breath trying to calm herself. Dearka was possibly dieing right now because of her. Because she distracted him by yelled at him. Of course the drunk driver didn't help. "I was going to say yes." She confessed. "I wanted to marry you Dearka. You were the best thing that happened to me after Tolle died. Don't let me lose you. I know you left to protect me. Everything you always did after we met was to protect me. So I need you to do one more thing for me… Don't die, please don't die. Protect me from losing the man I love." She began sobbing uncontrollably. Slowly she leaned her head down on his hand. She didn't know what to do.

"Come on." Someone said as they placed their hand on her shoulder. Turning her head she saw it was Yzak. "You need to get back to your room." Helping her off the chair he and Shiho walked her back to her room. There were no more words any of them wanted to speak. It was all too hard. But for now Miriallia was relieved just to know that Dearka was alive.


	29. Chapter XXVIII: New Old News

_****Love Trials****_

* * *

 **Chapter XXVIII: New Old News**

Miriallia was asleep when suddenly she felt like someone was on her bed. Slowly opening her eyes she was happy to see it was Zavier slow climbing up her to be in her arms. "Hi sweet face" she said smiling as she pulled him up and gave him a hug. Looking over she saw her parents were there too.

"You're looking better today." Her mother commented.

"Yeah…" She said looking away from them. They watched as her smile faded. "... maybe it's because I finally got to see Dearka last night."

"What!?" Her mother gasped. "When? How?"

"I snuck in! I saw his friend heading into the intensive care unit and I followed him. How could you keep this from me." She demanded as she looked over towards them. "You let me think he died."

"Miriallia… he's in critical condition. He might not survive this. He lost so much blood between the internal bleeding and his leg. You know about his leg right? That they had to amputate it below the knee."

"I know." Mir admitted. "But he won't died. He won't leave me" Hearing her father let out an 'are you kidding me' huff of disgust she continued "That's enough. I know what you both think about him but Dearka's not like that. He left me for a reason that I accept. Neither of you need to. I love him"

"He proposed to you and then left you with a newborn. No reason that boy can give will ever be good enough" Her father argued.

"And if him staying with me caused my death?"

"How is that even a logical argument?" he spat.

"Because if he did stay I would be dead right now. " They looked at her confused. "He left because there were people in the PLANTs who needed him back there, people with power and influence. They threatened him by saying they would hurt me if he didn't agree to come with them. He didn't have a choice"

"And you believed him when he told you that. Miriallia he's stringing you along, playing you for a fool." Her father said trying to reason with her.

"I didn't hear it from him. I heard it from his friend when he was busy yelling at me for ruining Dearka's life. I know Yzak wouldn't lie, not when he was upset like that. And that is the last I want to hear of anyone trashing him. He is Zavier's father. So at least for his sake stop saying horrible things about him."

"Okay Miriallia." Her mother said agreeing with her. "We are going to do whatever you need us to do. And you're right, I'm sure Dearka will be just fine."

* * *

Miriallia was released from the hospital soon after learning of Dearka's condition. She was nervous to go home. For the second time in her young life she was leaving the hospital without Dearka. It was difficult. But she needed to get Zavier back into a routine again. It was important for his development to have things feeling normal again.

As the days passed after her release she ensured that she kept up-to-date on Dearka's state. He still hadn't woken up yet but his injuries were starting to heal which she took as a good sign. The hardest part of it all seemed to be dealing with Zavier. He wanted to see his daddy. It was difficult to explain to someone so young why he couldn't be home. Where he was and why he couldn't see him. She just had to keep telling him that his daddy would be home soon. That he was on a trip just like mommy used to go on and that he would be home soon.

The next few weeks were full of big changes. She said goodbye to her dear friends Kira and Lacus as they unexpected left to live in the PLANTs. Lacus was offered the opportunity to become

Chairwoman of the PLANTs. It was an opportunity she wasn't sure about but after the encouragement of those around her she decided to do it. Cagalli reorganized the Orb representatives, removing all who were in support of them joining the Earth Alliance during the war. Then much to everyone's surprise she announced her engagement to Athrun Zala. But maybe the biggest news of all for Miriallia was on test she held in her hand.

It had been nine weeks since the accident. With the ups and downs of that and everything going on in her friend's lives she never had time to worry about herself. She was too busy thinking of them. She had her suspicions for a few days now but she was hoping it was just in her head. Unfortunately for her she was right to have her suspicions.

Tossing the test out she walked out into the living room. She leaned back on the couch trying to clear her mind. Everything was beginning to really take a toll on her. She was tired, irritable and emotional. She wished it only was because Dearka was in such terrible condition but the real truth was they had once again failed to be careful enough. She thought they had been, but obviously she was wrong.

She laid down on the couch. Zavier was napping so she thought maybe she should get some rest too. Her eyes weren't closed long before there was a knock at the door. Sitting up she stared at it a moment before getting up and looking through the peep hole. She was shocked to see who it was. She quickly opened the door to see it was the Elsmans.

"Mr and Mrs Elsman?" She asked surprised.

"Oh sweetie" His mother said as she reached forward and hugged her. "How are you feeling? You look exhausted." Pulling away she brushed Mir's hair behind her ear and asked "Have you been sleeping? I can't imagine it's been easy."

"I'm… I'm fine. I try to get as much sleep as I can. I've just had a lot on my mind." Stepping back out of the way she asked "Would you like to come in?"

"Of course" They both entered the apartment and follow Miriallia into the living room. They watched as she rushed around trying to clean up Zavier's toys. "Sweetie you don't have to clean up."

"Right" she said setting the toys back on the floor. They sat down on the couch while she on the floor next to the toys. It was quiet between them for a few minutes before she asked "Did you go see Dearka yet?"

"No not yet. We thought we would come see you and Zavier first. Is he napping?"

"Yes." She said quickly before looking away from them. It was such a tense situation for her. The last time she had seen or heard from them they we taking Dearka away from her. Then there was the fact that she just took a test and it came out positive. She was at a complete loss at what to do. Lucky for her Zavier came to her rescue when he began to cry. "Ummm… excuse me I should go get him."

She quickly stood up and went to get him. After changing his diaper and calming his cries they headed out into the living room where Zavier's grandparents were waiting. They looked at him and he looked at them. They stared at one another until finally Zavier said "Hi."

"Hi" Kristen said smiling at the little boy. It was strange to Miriallia to see even Tad had a bit of a smile on his face.

"Zavier this is your grammy and grampy Elsman. Your daddy's mom and dad" She explained. Hearing the word 'daddy' he turned in her arms to look at her.

"Daddy? Daddy home?" He asked.

"No… ah… not yet honey. But maybe we can visit him sometime soon, just not right now okay." Her voice cracked with sadness as she talked to him. Setting him down on the floor she handed him some toys to play with. Looking at the time she stood up. "Umm… you wouldn't mind watching him for a couple minutes would you? It's just I normally call the hospital every couple of days around this time for an update."

"Of course. Go make your call."

Grabbing the phone she headed into her room to call the intensive care unit. After dialing she waited for someone to pick up. _"Hello Olofat General Hospital intensive care unit, how may we help you."_

"Hello, this is Miriallia Haww. I'm calling for an update on a patient of yours, Dearka Elsman."

 _"Okay"_ Miriallia could hear her typing on her computer before answering _"I'm sorry ma'am but Dearka Elsman is no longer with us"_ Mir hand became loose on the phone as it started to almost slip out of her hand. Dearka… was he dead?


	30. Chapter XXIX: Good Morning

_****Love Trials****_

* * *

 **Chapter XXIX: Good Morning**

" _Okay… I'm sorry ma'am but Dearka Elsman is no longer with us"_ Mir hand became loose on the phone as it started to almost slip out of her hand.

"He's… He's gone?" She worked up the courage to ask.

" _Yes. They moved him out of intensive care yesterday."_ She informed her. Miriallia felt her heart skip a beat.

"Wait what?"

" _According to his file they were going to be taking him out of the medically induced coma this morning. He could be waking up anytime now."_

"Ahh… th-thank you!" She blurted in a panic. "I have to go" Quickly she hung up the phone and ran out into the living room. Seeing how distraught she was Kristen rushed to her side.

"Miriallia is everything okay? Dearka? How is he… he's not… is he?" Kristen asked unable to say the words.

"He's… they said he might wake up soon. He's out of intensive care, which means we can go see him."

The four of them headed down to the hospital soon after finding out that they could see Dearka. Stopping at reception first they found out which room he was in. When they reached his room they saw a doctor was in there, but not only that, he was actually speaking with Dearka. Leaning against the wall they could hear the doctor explaining about the accident. He assured Dearka about his family's safety than apologized about his leg.

When the door left Tad took Zavier out of Miriallia's arm's. She looked at him strange. "I think you two need some time alone. We'll take our Grandson for a short walk."

"Thank you" Walking into the room was difficult. Talking to him was the only thing she had hoped for for weeks, now it just seemed terrifying. Entering the room Dearka looked at her immediately. At first he thought it must have been another doctor but much to his pleasure it was one of the two most important people in his life. She smiled and sat down in the chair next to him. He didn't seem to move much, just his head. She could tell he was still waking up. "Good morning"

"Hey" He looked away from her like he was nervous.

"Dearka I'm sorry… about everything. I was still so mad at you for leaving. I couldn't understand why you wouldn't give me a reason. I know now why you did what you did, and I understand."

He looked back at her surprised "You know?"

"Yzak told me"

"Oh…"

They were silent for a while. She could tell his eyes were focused on on his legs. "I'm sorry." She apologized.

"What?" he asked looking at her.

"About your leg."

"It's not your fault."

"It is. All this was all my fault." She blurted with tear filled eyes. "If I had just been happy that you were back, if I never asked you about when you were gone or if…" She stopped when she noticed Dearka was laughing at her. "What?" she questioned confused.

"There you go with the 'ifs' again." He joked. "You know you should know by now you can't predict the future. Three years ago when we stood on the deck of the ARCHANGEL I never thought our lives would have ended up like this. I thought you were something I needed to work out of my system and that I might have just been a rebound to you. I never thought I would fall in love with you. That we would have a baby together. That… that I'd ask you to marry me."

She blushed hearing him mention marriage but quickly she got serious again. "You must really hate me now. You lost your leg all because of me."

"I lost it because some drunk smashed into your car. And I gladly would lose it again and again if it meant you both are happy and healthy. Besides I could… I could never hate you" She watched as his smile grew big. She was lost in his eyes when started to speak again "Hey can you go grab that bag over there?" He asked as he pointed across the room.

"Okay?" She replied confused. Getting up she grabbed the small bag and brought it back to him. "What is this?"

"It's just some of the stuff I had on me when we were in the accident." He said placing it beside himself "You know I did a lot of stuff I regretted after leaving you. I ruined the lives of some people, hurt them. I was so ashamed of it that I was terrified to tell you. But I wanted to. It was just hard to talk about."

"I can understand that."

"I regretted hurting you the most. Not a day went by that I didn't wish I told you why I was leaving. Somehow though telling you I was leaving to protect you just sounds like an excuse. But I would do anything to go back and help you raise Zavier. Guess there are no second chances at that"

"Ummm… what if you could?" She asked cryptically.

"What do you mean? No offence but time travel isn't exactly a possibility Mir."

"Yeah I know… but what if you had a second chance with someone else"

"Oh…" He sounded disappointed. "I… I guess. I just thought… ah, nothing"

"Huh?" She tilted her head in confusion. "What's wrong?"

"No... It's just I thought that maybe you still loved me. I mean we were going at it pretty hot and heavy when I got back." He laughed. "Guess it must have been just a fluke."

"I think you're a little confused. I don't mean a second chance with someone else… I meant with me."

"Huh? You… you want to have another baby with me?" He said baffled realize the someone else she was referring to was a second baby. "After everything I put you through you're actually thinking about trying for another kid?"

"No… we… we don't need to try exactly." All confusion melted from his face when he realized what she was telling him.

"You're pregnant!"

"Yes… I mean I think so… maybe. I haven't seen a doctor yet but I took a test this morning."

"Oh my God. Oh my God!" He said eyes wide. He was at a sudden loss of words. He was trying to formulate some words any kind but before he could there was a knock at his doorway. They both looked towards it to see his parents with their son. "Mother? Father?" He said surprised.

"Daddy!" Zavier squealed in excitement from Tads arms. The sight of his son being in his father's arms puzzled Dearka. He never thought he'd see the day. Walking over Tad handed Zavier to Miriallia.

"Hi buddy" Dearka said reaching his hand out. "How's my tough little guy?" He didn't answer he just grabbed his father's hand and played with his fingers. Dearka couldn't believe twice in his life his parents had interrupted big moments in he and Miriallia's lives. She was pregnant again. He was going to get a second chance to raise a family with her and he didn't get a chance yet to tell her how he felt about it.

"How are you feeling dear?" Kristen asked.

"A little groggy. I'm still digesting all the news I received today." He confessed as he eyed Mir.

"I've already been discussing with the doctors about getting you a prosthetic. They'll be fitting you for one before you start your physical therapy."

"Thank you mother. Listen if it's okay with you can Miriallia and I have a couple more minutes alone? There's something we really need to talk about."

"Sure" Picking Zavier up they both left.

When she knew they were both alone Mir blurted "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you. A second child it's a ho-"

"Stop" He interrupted taking hold of her hand. "I'm happy." He confessed. "You are the woman I love. Zavier was never the reason I was with you, he was just the reason things moved so fast with us. I wanted to marry you once and before this second one comes I want to make it official between us, if that's what you want."

"Dearka you don't have to ask me just because I told you I'm pregnant again."

"I'm not" He said as he reached for the small bag. After riffling through it for a couple of seconds he pulled out a familiar black box. Miriallia covered her mouth in surprise. "Like I said before, I wanted to tell you everything. If all went well I wanted to ask you something. This isn't exactly the place I was expecting to ask you this again, but I don't want to wait any longer before getting an answer." He opened the box and turned to look at her. "Miriallia Haww, I never want to be a part from you ever again. Give me chance to be the luckiest man alive. Marry me."

Without any hesitation this time she screamed out "Yes!"


	31. Epilogue: The Big Day

_****Love Trials****_

* * *

 **Epilogue: The Big Day**

It took a long time for Dearka to finally recover from the accident. After weeks of being in a coma, physical therapy and learning to walk with a prosthetic it was finally the day he had been waiting for for so long. It was the day he was going to marry the woman he loved.

It was a small ceremony in a place where their love really first started to bloom, at the Attha mansion. Dearka stood by the fountain out in the gardens with Yzak, Athrun and Kira all standing proudly beside him. After all they had been through together, all of them, it was finally a happy occasion for all them to share. Looking out at the guest he saw so many smiling supportive faces. There was the former crew of the ARCHANGEL, including Captain Murrue Ramius and Commander Mwu La Flaga. There was Miriallia's family, even the members who saw his misfortunate Christmas meeting with her father. Then there was his parents. Never in his life did he ever think that his father would be in support of him marrying a natural. But there he was seeming happy for both of them.

As the music started he felt his knees buckle. He had such a mixture of nervous excitement. The woman he loved would soon be walking down the aisle. He watched as three beautiful women, Lacus, Cagalli and Shiho. They were all dressed in flowing pale blue bridesmaid dresses. Dearka looked over at his groomsmen to see they were all speechless looking at their girls. Next came his little boy, little Zavier. He was holding a pillow with two rings tied on top. When he made it all the way up he grabbed hold of his father's pant leg.

"Hi daddy."

Dearka leaned down and hugged his son before kissing him on the forehead. "Hey mommy is coming soon. Wait here with me okay?"

"K"

Raising to his feet he listened as the music changed. Soon he saw his beautiful bride walking through the gardens arm and arm with her father, her new bump barely hidden to the world. As she got closer everyone stood.

When she came into full view all Dearka could manage to say was "Wow" in that moment he couldn't believe he was about to marry the girl of his dreams, the mother of his child… well children. She had stuck by him despite everything he put her through. Even when he told her about the Meer Campbell debacle she stayed by him. She help him through his recovery. Was there as he learned to walk again. As imperfect as she was, she was his kind of perfect.

"Mommy's pretty" Zavier suddenly yelled, luckily only the groomsmen heard since everyone was too busy looking at Mir to notice.

When Miriallia reached Dearka Zavier released his pants and opted for his mother's wedding dress instead. "Who gives this young woman?" The minister asked as he started the ceremony.

"I do" her father answer. "As well as her mother and loving family." When he finished talking he handed her off to Dearka but not before whispering in his ear "You better take care of her this time." Dearka nodded as a way of saying 'yes' as he pulled his bride in close.

Dropping the pillow Zavier reached up and grabbed hold of his father's pants again. Standing there together they all really looked like a happy family. Maybe it was because both Miriallia and Dearka couldn't help but smile uncontrollably when looking at each other in this moment.

They knew things weren't going to be easy. What in their lives was. But this was what they wanted. A natural and a coordinator married publicly for the first time it was something they knew no matter how wrong people thought it was it was right for them.

They recited their vows, say their 'I dos' and soon it was the moment they both were waiting for. "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride!"

Without hesitation Dearka pulled her in close for passionate kiss. They were ready to live happily ever after, even if there was a bump or two on the road.


End file.
